Kiryu and the Night of the Redfield Lineage
by Jack Spheniscidae Enterprises
Summary: Kiryu stops to help some lost tourists out and gets dragged into a night of blood feuds and dead memes he couldn't have imagined.
1. The Beginning

Author's Note: I wrote this without playing a single Yakuza or Resident Evil game. I hope that watching a few of the Resident Evil movies by Paul Thomas Anderson counts as sufficient research

One night in Kamurocho in the year 20XX, Kiryu Kazuma was hanging out in the club Vincent with his good "buddy" Goro Majima having drinks at the bar and playing pool.

"Hey Kiryu-chan," Majima suddenly piped up before his turn with the billiards. "I'm hungry."

"Nani (what)."

"I said, Kiryu-Chan, I'm hungry. Me Majima. Me hunger. For food."

"So go to the bar and get some. Why are you asking me?" Kiryu asked, his face blank.

"Nah, bar food's too pricey. The booze's bloatin' my tab enough as it is already. Why don't ya mosey over ta Smile Burger an' get me the King Smile with fries?" Majima smacked his lips, patted his bare belly in anticipation.

Kiryu paused and thought.

"Can't you go yourself, Majima?"

"No. It's my turn next an' the anticipation is killin' me as is. I can't hold the Goro-Goro-Goro-Pokey-Poke no more!"

"…why are you making me get Smile Burger if you're not even paying for your food? Can't you just ask me to buy you something at the bar?" Kiryu shook his head.

"Well, now that I thought about burgers, anythin' else is just gonna disappoint me and make me wonder what mighta been. Ah, just saying the word burger's makin' me more peckish. Make mine a Double, now."

"You're just using this as an excuse to cheat the score, aren't you?" Kiryu accused, and a quick glance at the scoreboard for the game of pool showed that the former Yakuza was indeed in the business of eclipses with his score. Majima almost froze up at Kiryu's unusual, uncharacteristic perceptiveness but the Mad Dog was no stranger to wiggling out of a tight jam.

"Uh… totally not! Now… you gonna get me my burger or am I gonna have to skin you for some homemade Mad Dog Patties?" Majima threatened. "Either way, I'm gonna eat like a damn emperor."

Kiryu sighed. Majima always seemed to set these things up so Kiryu would end up indulging his silly desires in some way, but the last thing he wanted right now even less than playing food delivery boy was to indulge Majima's bizarre fascination with engaging him in bouts of physical contest. "Fine. I'll get you your food."

"Ah, I knew you had it in you, Kiryu-chan! Now, chop chop! Make it snappy, like that queer blue porcupine on the Nintendos!" Majima motioned as Kiryu walked to the door. As soon as Kiryu was gone, Majima looked around to scope out the rest of Vincent.

"None of you saw anything… swear on this!" Majima shouted to the employees and other patrons as he reached into his pockets and started showering money all about. The bribe was a success, and soon everyone was too preoccupied with collecting the cash to pay much heed to the one-eyed Mad Dog. As such, Majima tossed his pool cue aside and crab walked over the people to the scoreboard. Humming a hit pop song as he worked, Majima commenced a few numerical adjustments.

* * *

It was no trouble navigating a route to the nearest Smile Burger. Kiryu had known the bustling district of Kamurocho all his life, the neon-soaked streets as familiar to him as his own reflection in the mirror. Kamurocho was not the safest part of Tokyo, but two-bit street gangs and low-level Yakuza were of little concern to the Dragon of Dojima. But still, even as he walked through the crowds, Kiryu felt the almost subliminal yet continually building feeling of dread. He did not fear being robbed or attacked, but regardless, the oddest occurrences always seemed to coalesce with his vicinity whenever he was in the neighborhood.

It never seemed he could even round a corner without being pulled into some stranger's sordid affair.

And not just in Tokyo either, for that matter. No matter where he went in the world, Kiryu seemed to encounter this particular phenomenon. Just what was it about him that drew Kiryu towards the lives and troubles of others as some transformative, mediative factor? And for that matter, why did he keep agreeing to help no matter how ridiculous his encounters got? Oh, the things Kiryu had seen and done… decades of strange memories accumulated. Memories that had stayed with him even longer than even some of the work he had in his time as a yakuza, memories that could fill an entire factory's worth of postcards.

That feeling of tense anticipation continued to build as Kiryu neared the Smile Burger.

Right on cue, from the street opposite to the burger joint, Kiryu spotted an all-too familiar sight in the streets of Kamurocho. A lone woman, surrounded and menaced by a gang of ne'er do-well thugs. Kiryu shook his head. He'd been beating up these kinds of lowlifes for years. He thought all the would-be gangs of muggers and rapists would have caught on by now.

Nevertheless, duty called. He was Kiryu Kazuma, and these were the sort of pressing matters that he was obligated to resolve.

As Kiryu crossed the street, he noticed that the scene was off. Instead of the usual Japanese woman, the inperiled lady was a foreigner. And make that plural – it was two ladies! Two Caucasian women of average height, with slim builds. Brunette, both of them. The one on the left wore a red leather jacket and slim blue jean, her hair tied back in a medium-length ponytail. The one on the left was less conservatively-dressed, in a blue tube-top that left her shoulders exposed and a black miniskirt that left a lot of leg to show – whatever leg of hers wasn't covered up by those knee-high brown boots. The latter's wardrobe baffled Kiryu, for these Kamurocho nights could get chilly.

Ah, gaijin, who was to know what was going through their minds? Perhaps the water overseas did things to them.

"Hey honey bunnies, you lost?" The leader goon, barely a grade above nondescript in his appearance, asked the two foreign women.

"Why don't ya grab a bite with us?" The biggest, burliest of the goons proposed. As he cracked his knuckles, he continued. "I never had me some Western cuisine."

Kiryu sighed, as he got ready to interject. As usual, he expected the usual huffing and puffing from the scum before Kiryu reiterated his threat, followed by the usual few minutes of carnage that always ended badly for them.

But right before Kiryu opened his mouth, the unexpected happened.

"You hungry?" The woman in red asked. She spoke in English, her voice sounding like the loud-mouthed American movie heroes Kiryu sometimes saw on the TV's movie channel. "Then how about a knuckle sandwich! Topped with… peanut butter!"

She drove her knee into the burly goon's crotch. As he howled in pain, she grabbed him by his hair and held his head down as she punched him in the mouth over and over.

While she worked the big guy over, her friend the woman in the blue top was on the rest of the thugs like a vengeful spirit. Kiryu watched, totally astonished, as she took them all down in quick but painful succession. Whoever the woman in blue was, she definitely had some training.

"Here, have a Jill sandwich." The woman in blue spoke, in Japanese, to the leader goon who she had flipped and ensnared with her legs wrapped around his neck. Presumably named Jill, she then tightened her legs to choke him for a bit, before snapping the leader goon's neck.

"Uh-oh, I better not have stumbled into some CIA business again." Kiryu thought to himself, as he watched the burly goon let loose of flow of blood and teeth – probably his entire set – tumble out of his mouth. The woman in red slammed his face on bloody pile on the ground, and then stomped on his head for good measure.

The woman in red dusted herself off, before Jill tapped her on the shoulder. Jill pointed directly at Kiryu, who was just standing there awkwardly and staring ever since they had stolen his thunder from him. For a while, the women and Kiryu were just staring at each other. They stared at him, very suspicious. They probably thought he was another Japanese man with devious intentions, Kiryu guessed.

Kiryu didn't meet foreigners very often. When he did, it was usually for the aim of beating them up in an underground fighting arena, and Kiryu wasn't sure if the same etiquette applied should be applied to random white women in the street.

"Um… hello." Kiryu finally broke the odd tension. A polite greeting usually was the right etiquette when meeting strangers… surely that had to translate even across borders and oceans?

"Got something on your mind, pal? Don't try any funny business… I bet you got a good idea what we can do." Jill warned him, her tone decidedly hostile in spite of Kiryu's attempt at friendliness.

"Nothing of the sort. You know, your Japanese seems pretty good so I hope what I say next is understandable." Kiryu decided to try and explain.

"The line of work we're in requires some international… understandings." Jill then motioned for him to get on with it.

"I thought you two were in trouble and I decided to intervene. But it seems you can take care of yourself."

"Oh. I guess we can." Claire piped in, looking at the moaning wreckage that had once been the mobile forms of their attempted violators.

"Well…the thought's what counts. Not many in this world can care enough to help a stranger in need." Jill mumbled some appreciation. "C'mon, Claire, let's get outta here."

"Not so fast, Jill." Claire looked Kiryu over as she spoke to Claire in English, almost like a starving beggar lusting for food behind a restaurant front window. "For a guy his age… he sure is pretty lean and muscular. And he clearly can handle himself, and he looks knows like he knows his way 'round here. Way better than we can."

(I wish I could understand English. What are they saying?) Kiryu thought. (Ah, whatever. My time is fleeting and my work here is done. Now, why was I out here again?)

Kiryu tried to remember what had brought him out onto the streets of Kamurocho to begin with, it had something to do with Majima's lunatic demands that much he could recall. Still deep in thought, he was shocked when Jill tapped him on the shoulder.

"What the?" Kiryu spun around, breaking into a defensive pose on instinct. He managed to calm and control his motions when he saw that it was just the woman, but already his arm had been raised and readied for action.

"Ooh, don't be so quick on the draw there, cowboy!" Jill reprimanded him as she took a step back. "I just wanted to ask if you'd be interested in helping us a bit more."

"Help you? What could you possibly need me to help you with? If you're lost, I can just escort you to the nearest tourist agency." Kiryu shrugged.

"No, no… this is the kind of job that requires a specialist. And you look pretty special, big boy." Claire chimed in as she slapped one of Kiryu's biceps in jest. Kiryu winced at the impact that sent a wave of pain coursing through him as she did. It wasn't pain on the level of say, a bullet in the ribs, but it still smarted a fair bit. These women were definitely a lot stronger than they looked, and Kiryu dreaded to imagine what they must've gone through to hone themselves to such a degree.

(I don't think I like where this is going…) Kiryu thought, before he spoke, almost shouting. "You… you won't require me to take my clothes off, will you?"

"What." Was Claire could muster in reply.

"Uh… no. Though…" Jill looked Kiryu over, licking her top lip. "No that it wouldn't be unhelpful."

Claire glared at her companion, exasperated.

"But seriously, mister, all we need for you to do i" Before Jill could finish, she was suddenly cut off by the sound of someone leaping off the rooftops above them and landing right in between the women and Kiryu. Someone big, someone strong, was all Kiryu could make out as a cloud of dust exploded before him.

Kiryu coughed, and as his eyes managed to clear and the dust cloud dissipated, Kiryu saw standing before him a tall dark-haired white man dressed like he was going for safari in a war zone, in a crater than had once been the flat ground before him. The most muscular white man he had ever seen. His muscles must've been constantly threatening to explode through his body armor, with how tightly clung even the bulky gear was. The man then stomped up to Kiryu, every step of his shaking the Earth like Godzilla.

"Hey buddy, I saw you gawkin' at my lil sis from up there. You wanna take the Little Red Clairevette for a ride, huh?" The man was up in his face, hurling words in English that Kiryu had no understanding of.

"Nani? (What?)"

"I'll take that as a yes. WELL TOO BAD. YOU CANT FUCK HER BUT YOU CAN FUCK OFF." Without warning, the white man sucker-punched Kiryu with an uppercut. Kiryu's eyes widened in both pain and surprise as he found himself flying into the air, and down again. This was the strongest, most painful punch he had ever taken. This white man, whoever he was, had strength on a whole other level.

The man was then on him, not giving him a chance to recover as he drove more powerful fists and kicks into Kiryu all over.

"YOU CANT EVEN FIGHT BACK! WHAT KINDA MAN ARE YOU? I KNOW WHAT. NOT A MAN FOR HER!"

So this is what it felt like, Kiryu thought with some irony on his mind, as he reflected on the countless unremarkable goons he'd done the same too.

"YOUR INFERIOR GENES ARE NO WORTHY MATCH FOR THE REDFIELD LINEAGE." The man grabbed Kiryu by his legs and slammed him into a wall.

As he dropped Kiryu, the man then ran to the streets outside. He picked a taxicab, with its screaming cabbie still inside, off from the ground and then stormed back to where Kiryu was catching his breath and trying to struggle up.

"You don't deserve to breath the same air as a Redfield, you pathetic weakling!" The man lifted the taxicab above his head, ready to slam it down on Kiryu.

"What the hell is happening?" Kiryu wondered. And he then he remembered why he was out here to begin with and thought. (Geez, what a stupid reason to die. I hope I come back as a ghost, just so I can haunt you forever, Majima.)

"Chris, stop!" Jill and Claire ran in front of the man, presumably Chris as they were calling him. "This man is our friend!"

"What." Chris stopped in his tracks, looked at Kiryu, then at the women, then at Kiryu again. "Fine."

Chris crumbled the taxi he was holding into a tiny ball like it was nothing, with the driver still inside, like it was nothing. Kiryu marveled, horrified, as he witnessed this improbable feat of strength.

Just who the hell was this mysterious foreign man?

Chris turned to Claire.

"I thought I told you ladies to stay in the hotel room while I took care of Leon." More English. More words that Kiryu couldn't understand a lick of. "These are mean streets, you know! I got lost, you got lost, and it took hours until I found you! What if something had happened to you in those hours, Claire? Then I would've been the last of the Redfield Lineage. In a world where there exists no worthy woman for me! Your every reckless act endangers our bloodline!"

For some reason, Kiryu noticed, that last sense he said made the woman named Jill roll her eyes.

"I can protect myself, big bro. And we were about to get this kind mister to help us before you butted in like some crazed gorilla." Claire turned to Kiryu as he managed to finally get back on his feet, but damn was he still winded. She then spoke to him in Japanese. "Hey mister, are you okay? And uh… what's your name?"

"Kiryu… Kiryu Kazuma." Kiryu reached into his pocket, fumbled around until he found it. "And don't worry, I'll be fine."

Kiryu pulled out an energy drink bottle, a bottle of Staminan Spark. He drank it, and though Chris had shattered his bones and caused bleeding both external and internal, the liquid coursed through his veins like a rejuvenating rapid river. Once he finished the drink, it was like he'd never been injured to begin with.

"Damn it, Claire. Why are you speakin' Japanese?" Chris shouted at his sister.

"Uh, cause we're in Japan. We kinda need to speak it to communicate." Claire shrugged.

"THAT IS IRRELEVANT! You are a Redfield, Claire! You were not born speaking Japanese! You were born speaking American! All other languages are unworthy of the Redfield tongue! Let Jill do all the talking, for she is not a Redfield and dishonors not her lineage by speaking it." Chris ordered.

As such, Jill translated for the two as Chris began to order Kiryu around.

"I'm Redfield. Chris Redfield. My little sister and my very good friend Jill vouch for ya, but I still don't like the look of ya. If you're really a friend of the Redfield Lineage, you're gonna prove it."

Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out a Polaroid photograph. He shoved into directly into Kiryu's chest. The photograph fell onto the ground, and Kiryu bent to pick it up.

It had fallen face-down, and Kiryu flipped it over to see what was on the photograph.

Another foreigner. A blonde man, much slimmer than Chris, with a lean and muscular build closer in tune with Kiryu's.

"I need you to find this man. His name is Leon S. Kennedy. I have it on good intel that he's been hiding out in Kamurocho. It is imperative for the future of the world that you find him for me!" Chris demanded.

"I don't kill, if that's what you're asking. And I won't bring him back to you just so you can kill him." Kiryu shook his head.

"Don't be such a pussy worry-wart, the only thing you'll be killing is his virginity."

"Nani. (what.)" Kiryu tried to process what he just heard. Virginity? Killing virginity? Oh no, had he stumbled into some crazy pervert drama again?

"Why you gawking, huh? I gave you an order! You don't need to know anymore than that, lackey. Now get out! You will find no Kennedys just standing around!" Chris barked.

"What if I say no? I got things to d" Before Kiryu could finish, Chris was up on him like greased lightning. Real up close. Kiryu felt an iron vise-like grip around his throat before he even realized Chris was lifting him up and squeezing.

"Don't kill him, Chris!" Claire yelled.

"I must, Claire. I must. For he knows, and if he knows, he may try to warn Leon for a quick buck like the dirty flip-flopping stoolie he is!" Chris argued, before turning his attention back to Kiryu.

"Say no and I'll give you a message you can pass along to my old buddy Wesker. In hell." Chris warned him in a guttural growl while Jill continued translating. "The Redfield lineage must be protected and I will not let anyone stand in the way of my mission."

Kiryu knew that as much as he wished to avoid spending another moment with these insane foreigners, he knew he wanted to die even less. There were people who depended on him.

Like Haruka.

There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her. And Kiryu guessed this would have to be another example.

"Fine. I'll help." Kiryu choked out, and upon hearing Jill's translation, Chris dropped him.

As Kiryu stumbled up, Chris clapped Jill on the back without any hint of gentleness.

"Jill, my oldest and dearest very good friend, I'm gonna need you to keep an eye on him. Make sure he don't slack off or pull no runners. Mankind needs the Redfield Lineage more than air or water! It must be preserved at all costs!"

"Yes…. Sir." Jill sighed as Chris started poking her to accentuate his points. With his eyes up there, he wasn't looking where he was poking. He'd have noticed that his fingers were landing on her breasts, but he didn't seem to notice or care.

"Uh, Chris, you're…" Claire tapped her brother on the shoulder, deciding it was probably best to alert him to what he was doing. Jill seemed to be in a trance from what was happening.

"Quiet, Claire. You may be my sister and Jill may be my very good friend, my very goodest, but I am the man here. Not just any man, I am a Redfield man. I am authority! You listen to me!" Every poke just seemed to fill her eyes with more longing for something she could never have, but to Chris, he might as well have been an empty water bottle.

Kiryu sighed, shook his head, and walked off into the night in search of this Leon S. Kennedy.

With her task in mind, Jill followed as Chris poked her one last time. Chris finally realized what he had been touching as Jill backed away from him, and unlike most men who got to touch Jill Valentine's breasts for like a whole two minutes, Chris Redfield looked like he was about to throw up and then sterilize his hands with cleansing fire for good measure.

It was the last thing Kiryu wanted, an association with whatever this twisted Redfield Lineage was. All the years of fighting Yakuza, of being dragged into bizarre situations just by walking down the street, and already these warped foreigners were skyrocketing to the top of the list of the worst he had ever been through.

It wasn't like he had plans tonight either. He'd promised Haruka he'd go do karaoke with her after his business with Majima concluded, but now that looks like it was going to have to wait.

Haruka was going to be disappointed, perhaps even saddened, and that wasn't good. Kiryu had tasted the Redfield's strength, a strength that reminded him of some of his deadliest enemies over the years, and Kiryu wasn't keen on being on the receiving end of Redfield's power again so quickly but even so he wondered if he might just be able to pay back that American lunatic for making him stand up Haruka.

Yeah, that sure would be something. Then Kiryu, while relishing in the thought of kicking that gaijin's ass, remembered what a single Redfield punch felt like.

Kiryu sighed.

Fantasizing was easy. Doing it for real was going be a whole other story.

It was gonna be one long night. But little did Kiryu, and all other persona dramatis involved in this sordid tale of yakuza and biohazards, know just how long.

To be continued...


	2. Chasing Kennedy

Normally, foreigners in Kamurocho stook out like a sore thumb. But the blonde American Kiryu had been tasked with finding, Leon S. Kennedy, seemed to have some degree of experience in making himself unfindable. But not enough. It had taken down the better part of an hour chasing down leads, but Kiryu and Jill Valentine - the companion/observer loaned to him by Chris Redfield - had at last tracked down someone who seemed to know something.

"Enough enough! I'll talk!" A low-life delinquent gang member begged. Kiryu was holding him by the collar, and his face was black and bruised, with more puffs than a stand of takoyaki. Behind him lay the rest of his gang, who were in no condition to be standing or talking. For once, it wasn't Kiryu that had put them in that condition. Jill Valentine, holding the picture of Leon S. Kennedy, shoved it in the Yakuza's face. "He ran up to us jabbering in Chinese, and then in English. Obvious tourist, lost. Tourists gotta be loaded. We tried shaking him up for drinking money and he beat us up! He ran that-a way!"

The delinquent failed to lift a broken arm in a direction. Kiryu saw it, guessed where he was vaguely pointing. With some thinking, he realized that it was in the direction of Little Asia.

"Chinese? Why would an American man be speaking Chinese?" Kiryu asked Jill.

"Can you tell us what he said?" Jill demanded.

"I don't know English or Chinese but I'll try my best…" The delinquent croaked.

"Hmm…" Jill registered what he told her, and then tossed the delinquent over her shoulder like he was nothing.

"He knows Chris is close. He was looking for a place to hide."

"You know Chinese as well?"

"Well, my job does take me all around the world. Helps to understand the locals and all that." Jill shrugged.

"That reminds me. What exactly do you and your… friends do?"

"I'm not sure how much I ought to say. It's not kind work. The name Umbrella Corp ring a bell, Kiryu-san?" Jill's look for a moment grew distant, like she remembering memories of dark times.

"Umbrella? Hmm… I'm not familiar with that name, I'm afraid." Kiryu wouldn't know it, but during the ten years he had spent locked up, the Umbrella Corporation had expanded operations into Japan. But the aftermath of the Raccoon City Incident had ensured that Umbrella Japan was but a memory by the time Kiryu was a free man.

"Let's just say it involves cleaning up biohazards before they get real bad. Maybe if we get this done, I can tell you some more. Over lots and lots of whiskey. What about you, Kiryu? What do you do, exactly?"

"I used to work…" Kiryu pondered how to best phrase his time with the Yakuza. "…well, real estate in this very town." He decided it was best not to divulge the rest, the time spent with and things done as the Dragon of Dojima. "Now I work with kids in Okinawa, and I have to say, I've never felt better. I was just visiting Kamurocho tonight… to catch up with old haunts and acquaintances."

"Great with kids? I wouldn't have guessed." Jill shrugged. Her only experience working with kids was that one time in Raccoon City where coming at her from one end of the street was a horde including the T-virus addled remains of some pre-school class and coming at her from the other end was a nightmarish behemoth of dead flesh and tubes.

* * *

As Kiryu suspected, the trail to Leon S. Kennedy led to the part of Kamurocho known as Little Asia. Leon was speaking Chinese after all, based on the information gleamed from their interrogation, and where else did all the Chinese people in Kamurocho hang out?

They spied Leon sitting behind the window of a Chinese noodle shop in a dingy alley in an alleyway made of dingy alleys. Spotting the former Yakuza and his companion coming down the alley, locals scurried away and shut their windows and doors shut at their approach.

"I will warn you. Leon may not seem like much at first, but he… he's a man of talents. Don't go trying to start trouble at first jump, ok? Give me a chance to… um, reason with him." Jill advised Kiryu as he opened the door to the noodle shop.

A tired-looking middle-aged woman, the Chinese hostess, asked Kiryu where he wanted to sit in broken Japanese.

"I'll sample everything on the menu. And tell the chef to take their time. I'm in no rush. And why don't you help the chef? It'll be a tall order." Kiryu slipped the hostess a hefty stack of yen from his own pocket and with a sudden light in her eyes, the woman nodded and toddled off to the kitchen locking the door behind her.

No one else was in the noodle shop now except for Leon, sitting alone at a table. He was a truly sad sight, Kiryu observed. The man was disheveled, his blonde hair unwashed and uncombed, and his body manners twitchy. In front of him was a large plate of Chinese you po mian that was completely untouched that he only half-heartedly poked with his chopsticks every now and then.

But what was touched were the bottles. Almost every space of his table was cluttered with bottles of apple juice, empty and filled, upright and overturned. His hand shaking, Leon took a half-full bottle and drank apple juice directly from the source.

"Goddamn it all… what kinda life am I living?" Leon ranted to himself in English, his woes falling as mere gibberish upon Kiryu's ears. He was in some kind of self-pitying, apple juice induced stupor. "Always on the run, always looking over my shoulder. I shoulda let myself die back in Raccoon…"

Leon chugged down another apple juice.

"Hey Leon. We've never really met but I'm sure you've…" Jill sat herself in front of Leon in a spare chair.

"Whuh… whozzat?" Leon gargled through a mouth full of apple juice. His eyes suddenly widened in recognition. Seeing Jill and hearing her voice activated some kind of shock that jolted him out of his stupor.

"Oh no!" Leon spat his apple juice directly onto Jill, much to her displeasure. "If you're here, then he must be nearby!"

"…heard of me. Guh…" Jill looked at her top, now soaked with apple juice. "…This was my favorite shirt, jerk!"

She smacked Leon in the face.

"Just a shirt? Big deal! Cry me a river! My life is in shambles!" Leon moaned as he rubbed his slapped cheek. "Do you know how much of my life savings I've burned through on apple juice this week alone?"

"Calm down, Leon. Chris told me to… just take a gander at these, huh?"

"Chris Chris Chris!" Leon yelled the name with pure hate. "A maniac in Spain nearly carved my head off with a fucking chainsaw and back in Raccoon City some giant douchebag in a fedora nearly took my ass and neither was as unpleasant as every encounter I've had with fucking Chris!"

Sighing, Jill pulled out her phone, and opened up the camera. She went into the stored photos and began showing Leon something.

"Oh God, I don't wanna know!" Leon grumbled and tried to bury his head in his arms. Kiryu, curious as to the contents of Jill's phone, walked behind the malcontent Leon.

"Nani." (What.) Kiryu mustered.

It was pictures of Claire Redfield, the sister of his current benefactor Chris Redfield. But for some reason, she was dressed in a long Chinese dress, a dress in the color red. And she was making all manner of seductive poses. Jill then swiped to a video. As she hit play, it was Claire in the dress trying, and failing at that, to say random words in Mandarin Chinese.

"Is… izzat supposed to be some kinda turn-on? TURN OFF!" Leon sputtered as he smacked the phone out of Jill's hands. Jill gasped at the sudden burst of violence, and equally alarmed, Kiryu sprang into action as Leon shot up standing, flipping the table over onto Jill.

"Aaaaah!" Jill was temporarily pinned. Kiryu tried restraining the mad, flailing Leon but he was slippery. It was like wrestling a giant eel!

"Hired some local muscle, huh? Is Chris paying these Yakuza meatheads in expensive sushi or tentacle hentai to rope em into his mad schemes?" Leon raved.

"Fuck your mother!" Leon then shouted to Kiryu in Chinese, before he elbowed Kiryu in the ribs.

Kiryu of course did not understand the insult because he was Japanese, not Chinese.

(Why's this weird white man screaming at me in Chinese? He does know that I'm Japanese cause we're in Japan, right?) Kiryu thought before the pain shot through him.

"Oof!" Kiryu loosened his grip enough for Leon to get a grip on his neck and suplex him onto the floor right as Jill was righting herself.

"That's enough, Leon! Get ahold of yourself!" Kiryu looked up from where Leon had left him to see that Leon and Jill were holding pistols and pointing them at each other.

"Why are you helping him, Jill! You know he'll never agree to fuck you!" Leon snarled.

"You think I don't know that?" Jill retorted. "You don't think I don't have plans of my own for Little Red Chrissy? I just need to get his guard down… then bam! You're just the bait, so be a good little worm and get on my hook!"

"No way fag!" Leon snapped back.

"God dammit Leon!" Jill replied. Then she tsk'ed in displeasure. "Now you got me talking like Chris!"

(Good grief. I thought it was just movies and tv, but Americans are crazy horses!) Kiryu rubbed his stinging head.

"Uh… so we just gonna stand here for the rest of the night, showing off our peashooters?" Jill asked after an awkward bit of silence. "You know I can't afford to kill you."

"Er, you're lucky I don't kill living girls! But nothing says nothing about hurting 'em!" Leon squealed before he threw his gun at Jill.

Jill sighed as she caught the gun in midair.

"Just stop before you embarrass yourself any mo -" But Leon was already leaping through the window, shattering it. He tumbled over shards of glass, before he sprinted like an migraine-suffering buffalo into the night.

(Why did he jump through the window when the door was right there?) Kiryu thought. Then he saw Jill getting ready to run for the door, but he threw his arm out in front of her.

"Take a breather, Miss. I'll get him back here in one piece. Then you two can tell me just what the hell is going on." Kiryu advised her, before he barged out of the door like a raging bull charging an unarmed bullfighter stuck in a dead-end.

"Niu rou chow mein ma, xiaojie?" A waiter stumbled out of hiding with a plate of stir-fried noodles and beef, the first dish that Kiryu had ordered earlier finally completed, asked Jill as she sat at a deserted table.

"Sure." Jill coughed, a bit stressed to say the least. She reflected on her life and all the events that had led her to this point. "And while you're here… you got any apple juice on the menu?"

* * *

Leon sprinted for his life, powered by sheer adrenaline. A stranger in the land of the rising sun, he knew not where he was running as he drifted around corners and dash through narrow alleyways. Just keep going where forward was an option, until far was far enough.

He was in the open now.

A glitz of bright lights and smoke rising under lamplight assaulted his vision. He could barely hear anything above the cacophony that was the ambient noise. A horde of Japanese locals clogged the streets. But Leon continued charging forward, knocking over several store greeters who tried forcing their pocket tissues on him.

Leon ignored the angry shouts of Japanese hurled after him. He continued to run.

But he was the prey and his predator knew this burg fell better than he did.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS BUFFOONERY!" The angriest Japanese of all came from right in front of him, as Kiryu emerged from another street and cut him right off. Leon screeched to a stop in a panic, and then he saw Kiryu's fist proceeding right towards him.

"Don't touch my hair, you jerk-off!" Leon ducked and tried to tackle Kiryu. The Japanese man was unmovable though, and soon he was lifting Leon.

"Hey let go off-" Leon was cut-off as Kiryu performed a piledriver on him.

"Give up, Leon! Just come back with me to Jill peacefully!" Kiryu implored him as he attempted to apply a submitting jujitsu hold. But he had a feeling things wouldn't be so fortunate, as already a hooting crowd eager to see some blood was gathering around them.

"I don't even know what you're saying! No way fag!" Leon seemed to like saying that for some reason. What did those English words mean? Leon kicked out of Kiryu's hold and the two separated, before getting up into fighting stances.

Leon fought like a wild man, with frenzied combinations and nearly unpredictable movements. Kiryu knew, as he dodged and blocked, that this was going to be one of those kind of fights. If he so felt, he could've engaged Leon in an honorable, bare-knuckle man-to-man fight. A drag out fight for the ages between two top fighters.

But goddamn, it had been one long night. And Kiryu was pissed. He thought of a way to end this quickly.

"Agh stand still!" Leon swore. Kiryu backed away and backed away, as Leon's punches kept hitting the empty air. Leon in his fury and desperation had no idea that Kiryu was leading him right ot where he wanted.

"Yeoooowch!" Leon cried as he punched a brick wall. Stunned by the pain, Leon was unprepared for Kiryu as Kiryu unleashed a rapid burst of punches in his chest and face, before doing a snap-kick into his gut that sent him flying.

Leon looked up from where he fell, and saw Kiryu transformed into some kind of raging beast, holding a motorcycle right above him.

"WHAT THE FU"

Kiryu smacked Leon around with the motorcycle to finish pacifying him. He kept beating Leon for good and thorough measure, until there was nothing left of that motorcycle except a burst wheel.

* * *

Lots of thoughts were running through Kiryu's head as he headed back to Little Asia, with the unconscious Leon slung over his shoulder. Leon kept muttering random words in his sleeping daze.

"Ada… Ada… Ada… step on me harder…"

(Ada? Is that the name of someone this Leon knows? Don't tell me there's even more parties to this drama that have yet to make their entrance. What am I doing with my time? I should've been back in Osaka by now, or at least at the end of my train route. Then I'd be hitting the town for some karaoke with Haruka. I wouldn't have to have phoned ahead and informed I hear wouldn't be making it back. I wouldn't be hearing the disappointment, the sadness in her voice, no instead we'd be going out for a bowl of ramen. Some piping chashu ramen would hit the spot on a chilly night like this. A lot more than carrying some sleeping American around like a sack of damn laundry. Next time Majima sends me an invitation for fun and games, it's going in the trash. Hmm why don't I just ditch this Leon and get me that ramen right now? And then put myself on a train to Osaka as fast as I can. I already got enough craziness in my life as it is. Why add this Redfield mumbo-jumbo to the pile? Ahh, you can't kid yourself, Kiryu. I'm just too much of a sucker for anyone in need.)

Kiryu sighed as he finally reached the noodle shop. Jill was still inside, looking pretty stuffed with several empty noodle bowls and plates around her. Her legs were crossed as she sipped from a glass of apple juice.

"You ate all those noodles I ordered by yourself?" Kiryu asked, astonished.

"My line of the work tends to burn through the calories fast. Upside is, I can eat whatever I want and dress like this on a regular basis." Jill chuckled as Kiryu laid the dreaming Leon down in front of them.

"Who's Ada?" Kiryu asked as they watched Leon do some embarassing things to himself in his sleep, all while muttering the word Ada.

"I only know her by reputation, but trouble's what she is. Let's hope she ain't in town, because otherwise we won't be able to control this rowby bronco at all." Jill explained as she patted the dozing Leon down, and removed all the weaponry he had on him.

"What now?"

"Now, let's wake him up." Jill whistled and one of the kitchen cooks brought her a big bucket of water. Jill thanked him before she stood up and dumped the whole bucket on him.

"YEAH ADA YEAH DROP THA – waitaminute!" Leon's eyes sprang open. "This isn't Ada's- oh snickerdoodles!"

"Tell me just who the hell you are!" Kiryu demanded, with Jill doing the translation between the two.

Seeing he had nowhere to run, Leon begrudgingly obliged.

"Me? I'm just a man who cancels the apocalypse on a day to day basis. The hero you never hear about in the news. If it weren't for me, the entire world would be just a shambling pack of homicidal flesh-eating retards, so shown some goddamn respect!"

(Delusions of grandeur. Always a promising sign.) Kiryu noted to himself sarcastically.

"Sure you did. Now, what about Chris Redfield? What does he want with you?"

"Oh, that's simple." Leon groaned. "Y'see, Chris Redfield wants me to fuck his sister."

(Did he just say what I think he said? No, surely that had to be an error in translation.)

"Say that again?" Kiryu blinked in skepticism.

"What, fuck his sister?" To punctuate his point, Leon formed an o with the fingers on his left hand, and he stuck out the point finger on his right. He put the finger into the o, and tightened. He wiggled his finger in the o before pulling out, miming an explosion as he did. "Miracle of life, man."

"NANI." (WHAT.)

This just got worse the longer it went on, Kiryu decided.

"Why? Why would he go through all this trouble for some simple sex?" Kiryu demanded as he grabbed Leon by his collar.

"Where do you think babies come from? A stork?" Leon shrugged as a dumbstruck look crossed Kiryu's face. "Hey, Jill, pass me some of that apple juice."

"Fuck you, Leon. You're the whole reason I'm in this mess to begin with." Jill finished her last bottle in one gulp right in front of Leon, an act of sheer insolence. "Chris is so singularly-minded! Focusing all his energies and two brain cells on breeding the perfect Redfield child with you and Claire… when he's making me help and stand right next to him! FUCKING FRIENDZONE!"

"Don't blame me for Chris being the big gay! You need to move on! There's plenty other fish in the ocean!"

"Rich, coming from you! The dumb blonde whose brain goes even dumber whenever a certain Chinese slut looks your way!"

"Don't diss my China Girl like that, you STARS bitch! Ada's a good woman and I won't take that kinda trash talk!"

The white people were yelling at each other in English again. Kiryu understood none of it but got some gist from their tone.

Kiryu dropped Leon and walked to the wall. He lit a cigarette, and tried to enjoy it, but the bickering Caucasians were making it impossible.

(Good grief. I don't know what apple juice does for these people, but I won't be surprised if I end up drinking orchards-worths of it by the time this is over) Kiryu buried his face in his palm and shook his head.

* * *

"Fuck me, I'm getting bored. I oughta be out there, hunting down Leon and dragging him here by his hair." Chris Redfield mentioned to Claire as they hung out in a penthouse suite with their surname on the door. It an amenity reserved exclusively for them, located at the very top of the BSAA branch in Tokyo. A reward for their illustrious service in protecting the world from the ever-present threat of BOWs.

They had spent a night on the town, a well-earned night of R&R, but Chris could not truly relax during that time. Leon was a constant thorn upon his mind, sending periodic pulses of true pain, like he had for these past few years. How could his fellow agent be so damn selfish? Did he not know what was at stake if the Redfield Lineage failed to produce an heir to safeguard the world against the next generation of Bioweapons?

Right now, Chris was trying to pass the time by working out with one of his favorite routines, practicing his punches on a punching bag made entirely of rock, hollowed out and filled with even more rocks. It hurt… for the rocks.

"Relax, big bro. I'm sure Mr. Kiryu and Jill won't fail us! Leon will be here soon, and we can all finally get this part of our lives over with." Claire remained optimistic as she relaxed on the bed, reading manga while on her back.

"Damn it, Claire! What did I tell you about reading those Japanese comics?" Chris looked as he punched the rock bag one last time. "It ain't proper, funny books that go from right to left? Insteada like left to right? What if reading like that ruins your great Redfield eyeballs?"

"Oh, don't be such a worry-wart, Chris! It's just the way they do things here! Besides, it's a great read! Kind of bizarre, but it's packed with guys with great genes that I'm sure you'd be hounding just like Leon if they were real!" Claire showed the page she was on to Chris. Chris squinted and could make out some real poncy looking lads on a boat dancing while a decapitated head watched them and wept.

Chris made an audible sound of disgust. God dammit, Claire had to be reading some Japanese gay sex thing again. What did the Japs do besides creepy gay sex things?

"College musta done some bad things to your mind. I knew it wasn't right, letting a Redfield girl go off to university, but Ma was so insistent. But look what that did! You're reading manga and that ain't good! We gotta do something about that before Leon gets you pregnant so you don't pass it on to your kid." Chris shook his head.

"You never know until you try it." Claire held the manga out to Chris.

"I think I'll pass. I don't even like real American comic books. Except for that one comic, Doom #1. If any comic could be my role model, that would be it. Fucked up how the comics people made a masterpiece like that right outta the gate and they never made an issue #2. If the comics industry collapses, it deserves it just for that." Chris shook his hands in rejection, then gritted his teeth as he got back to punching the rock bag filled with rocks.

* * *

Finishing his workout a bit later, Chris could not get the worries out of his mind. Leon was always a slippery customer, and a persistant naysayer to the Redfield Lineage.

Claire was taking a shower in the bathroom, so Chris was all alone in the main room of the penthouse with himself and his thoughts.

Chris truly doubted that a random Japanese man Claire picked up in the street would be the final solution to those Kennedy woes. And even though Jill was his very good friend and he trusted her with all matters platonic, she was acting so strange around him lately for reasons Chris couldn't understand.

"It's a good thing I got back-up." Chris went to the fridge, opened up the freezer section and pulled out a briefcase and a box of leftover pizza. He put the box and the briefcase on a table next to a pair of scissors. Chris cut the pizza in half horizontally, separting the pizza into a half with the crust and a half with just-pizza, and began eating the lower triangle half of just-pizza that he made.

As he enjoyed his pizza which was topped with nothing but meat and absolutely no sissy veggies, Chris Redfield opened up his mysterious briefcase to check its contents were okay.

As he did, a red light glowed in his face.

Redfield smiled as he examined its contents, several vials of a sinister red material in a spiral labeled on each vial – "R-Virus." This was a special project he'd been cooking up in the BSAA labs back home in America, which he had smuggled in with him for this Japanese trip just in case.

"The Redfield Lineage much be continued. At any cost." Chris proclaimed out loud as he closed the briefcase and continued eating his pizza.

"You say something, big bro?" Claire shouted from the bathroom, where her voice was muffled by the shower water and door.

"That you were right, Claire! This will all be over soon!" Chris replied in glee, and soon he was leaning back and laughing chaotically.

To be continued...


	3. A Night on the Town

Midnight was approaching. Claire was already asleep, but Chris was still up, relaxing with a late late snack. The meal of his indulgence was steak, cooked as raw and bloody as a man could take it. It was one of his favorite things to eat, and sometimes he ate steaks like this three meals a day.

Next to his steak plate on the right was a wine glass filled with apple juice. On the left was his cellphone.

"The Japanese rippin' off Power Rangers too? Lookatdat, they just copy-pastin' the action scenes from Mighty Morphin!" Chris hissed at the TV across from him, which was playing reruns of Zyuranger. "Is there nothing good on TV in this earthquake-riddled hell of a nation that didn't come from America first?"

Suddenly his phone's screen lit up and buzzed with an incoming call. Chris was one of the two people left in this world who still used custom ringtones. His ringtone was a cover of Bill Medley's "Friday Night's a Great Night for Football" from the film _The Last Boy Scout _only with the lyrics changed to reference punching boulders instead of football and every night instead of just Friday Night. It was performed by none other than the man, the Redfield, himself with backing vocals from sweet Rebecca Chambers.

Football was manly and Chris had nothing against it for it was a true blue American original like baseball and basketball, but no ball sport could never match the sheer manly thrills and power rushes that punching boulders gave him.

"Yeah I got a great night of punchin' boulders tonight~~~!" Chris sang along to his own voice, before air guitaring to the song's guitar solo. "Man I could sing this all day! But let's see who the heck's calling me at this hour!"

"Jill! Please tell me you got good news!" Chris's spirits soared when he saw the caller id.

"Hello Jill, my very good friend! What have you got for me?" Chris said as he picked the call up.

"Oh Chris, I have some very good news for you…" Chris' heart began pounding faster and faster. "…Leon is in my custody. All ripe and readied for some Claire-fucking."

"Yippee-ki-yaaaay!" Chris leapt up in the air and danced a little, but quickly shushed himself up and awkwardly stopped mid-motion when he remembered Claire was sleeping. More quietly, he asked "So, where you want me to pick him up? Or will you be coming to-"

"Oh, shush." Jill giggled, and suddenly Chris detected an ominous shift in her voice, like Jill had been repressing something for a long time and suddenly was letting it out. "I've been doing some thinking, Chris. You got all us ladies working for you off the clock, just so you can get Claire laid. We've been doing a lot for you…"

"Yeah, what about it, Jill?" Chris twired his free finger around his ear in impatience. He yawned and hoped Jill would get to the point soon.

"…so when you gonna do something for us? Well, just me really."

"Jill, what the blazes are you saying?" Chris did not like where this was going.

"Chris, I want… no I need you to fuck me."

Chris almost threw up. He dropped the phone.

"Ewww what the fuck Jill." Chris gasped when he picked the phone back up.

"Did you hear me clearly, Chris? Well, for posterity's-"

"Gahhh don't say it! Jill what's wrong with you? Wesker's alive, isn't he? And he's got you under some mind control gem again!" Chris tried to come out with some logical explanation for all this.

Jill giggled cruelly on the other end.

"Oh Chris, I'm feelin' as clear as a blue sky. Not a cloud in this head. What I do feel is horny. Like a whole herd of unicorns."

"You can't expect me to satiate… this kind of indulgence. Not even for you, my very good friend."

"Don't be fussy, Chris. You need Leon to fuck Claire, I need you to fuck me." Chris almost retched at the mention yet again, feeling the acid building up in his throat. "I hold all the aces, you got what – the informational card that comes with the deck."

"Tell me where Leon is. Now."

"I don't think so. You don't get to see the Pretty Boy before I get what I want. I'll text you the meet-up details tomorrow. Get a good night's sleep till then, Chris. I want you in tip-top condition for this."

"Dammit Jill end this buffoonery right no"

Jill hung up.

Chris couldn't believe it. His very good friend Jill had just betrayed him. She'd stuck a knife directly into his heart. How could she do him dirty like this?

Chris felt a rage building within him. The rage that rips open the soul and makes known the depths of a man's potential for cruelty. The rage that made him want to scream like a barbarian, to smash and smash everything he could see and get his hands on.

But then he remembered Claire was sleeping.

Chris sighed. He would have to vent his rage quietly. So he then spent a few minutes passive-aggressively rearranging the furniture, while breathing very heavily.

* * *

One Night Later

"I'm surprised you were able to learn Japanese in the span of one night… though it does beat having to require a translator with us at all times." Kiryu commented as he walked down a crowded Kamurocho street with Leon.

"I'm a quick learner. What can I say? It's kept me alive through more life-or-death situations than you can count." Leon's Japanese wasn't perfect, but for someone who been put through a crash course in a couple of hours, it was miraculous.

Leon sighed. Though Jill was no longer lording over him, she still had her local lapdog guiding every step he took. His mission, which he had no choice in accepting, was to just kill the time until Jill had finished her half of the business with Chris. But Leon was a stranger to this land, and he was about as clueless as a Monopoly piece on the Clue board.

"So… anything to do around here?" Leon asked.

"First things first. Before we do anything, I must know." Kiryu started before thrusting an accusing finger at Leon. "Why the hell did you speak to me in Chinese? Do you know that this is Japan? We speak Japanese, cause we're not Chinese! We're Japanese, you white baka (idiot)!"

"I know! I don't care! I learned Chinese because that was the language of my girl's people! If she'd been, I dunno, Ada Kamiya or Ada Something Else Japanese, I'd be speaking Japanese but she's Ada Wong so I'm not! Besides, next to the ancient majesty of Chinese, Japanese is a like a toddler's babblings!"

Kiryu decided to ignore that last part. For now.

"All that trouble to learn a language just for a girl?" Kiryu shook his head.

"You don't know Ada like I do. She's… special. Love at first sight is a cliché, but dammit, some cliches are true. I thought maybe if I showed her I learned it just for her… I could impress her… she just laughed at me and told me my Chinese was shit." Leon sniffed, sighed again before scoffing. "Oh, what the hell am I doing? Ripping open old wounds for a goddamn stranger? Let's just go do something."

"If that's what you want."

And so, the two strangers hit Kamurocho for a night on the town.

(I can't believe half the things I planned to do with Haruka will be instead done with… this person.) Kiryu thought.

"So, what are we doing? What do you Japanese do for fun? Besides anime?"

(I don't watch anime. Is watching anime just something westerners assume we all do?)

"I got just the idea, but…" Kiryu thought about introducing Leon to the wonderful world of Pocket Circuit Racing, but why ruin the rest of the night? Next to Pocket Circuit, everything else just paled in comparison. So Kiryu decided he would save the best for last.

"But what?"

"You hungry?"

* * *

As such, Kiryu and Leon first got piping hot bowls of ramen, and even the Sinophile that Leon seemed to be could still appreciate some good noodles in miso soup with tender slices of pork.

In-between all these activities, Kiryu and Leon couldn't step anywhere without some random gangs of low-level Yakuza, thugs, delinquents, government spooks, and drunks trying to pick fights with them, but the two beat them all up.

They first went bowling, and Leon proved to be a surprisingly adept match for the bowling legend that was Kiryu. For the minutes that they played, it was non-stop turkeys.

After they got drunk and played darts in a bar, Kiryu tried to take Leon to a hostess club next, but Leon was all:

"No way fag! I'm not gonna let some Japanese temptress stray me from the path that leads to my fair maiden Ada!"

So instead, they went to the time-tested and true place where strangers were forged into friends and beyond – the arcade, and not just any arcade: Club SEGA.

"You guys still have these around, huh? And all SEGA too? Is there a Capcom arcade anywhere?" Leon commented as they went inside.

(Capcom? Come to think of it, I've never played a Capcom game or any other kind of game besides SEGA. SEGA just felt right, always.) Kiryu contemplated.

For an hour they played classics like MesuKing, Space Harrier, and Virtua Fight _ - (dear readers, insert your favorite Virtua Fighter number here). And Leon went partially insane trying to win some damn prizes for Ada in that UFO catcher machine.

While watching Leon struggle, Kiryu received a phone call.

"Hello? This is Kiryu." It was hard to make out the speaker through the beeps and boops of the surrounding arcade.

"Kiryu…" It was the familiar voice of Inspector Date. "I've been getting reports of a big white man in Kamurocho on a rampage, screaming for a man called Leon."

"Uh… why are you calling me about this? You don't think I have anything to do with it, do you?"

"Just looking out for an old friend. This man's already put a few officers in the infirmary. So be careful and watch your back, yeah?"

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Date." Kiryu and Date exchanged a few parting pleasantries before he hung up. Kiryu looked at Leon, still locked in furious mortal combat with the prizes in the UFO catcher machine. He decided it was best not to tell Leon for now. And maybe if they laid low well enough, Chris would just give up.

After blowing through about half of his pocket money in pursuit of that accursed Bun-Chan, Leon gave up.

Stumbling out of the arcade and onwards to their next destination, Leon did not notice a shaking traffic cone next to some parked cars. It was no ordinary traffic cone, for its size dwarfed that of an average man's. Kiryu did, however, and he knew very well what that cone meant.

"Kiryu-chan~!" A voice whispered from the cone, and Kiryu heard it very clearly. But he'd done this song and dance too many times. He pretended nothing was out of the ordinary and carried on. He was soon out of sight.

Soon the cone lifted itself up, revealing a man underneath the cone. The familiar one-eyed sight of Goro Majima.

(What the hell is Kiryu-chan doing palling around with a foreign man? Shouldn't be he be back at that orphanage with those little brats of his, too?) Majima thought as he tossed the cone to the side.

(I'd better call up some of the boys and get some sleuthing done!) Majima pulled out his phone and dialed a few numbers.

* * *

After they were done with this, Kiryu would finally take Leon to the Pocket Circuit. Afterwards, he'd call Jill to see if she was done with what she had to do with Chris Redfield. Surely they'd killed enough time.

This happened to be karaoke, another one of Kiryu's favorite activities. Whether it was by himself or with a companion, karaoke time was always a blast.

Kiryu performed two of his favorites: Machine Gun Kiss and Judgement.

"They got China Girl?" Leon asked when it was his turn.

"No." (I don't even know what that song is.)

"What kinda singing joint is this if they don't have the greatest song ever penned? Ach, leave it to the whims of fate, I guess." Leon shuffled through the list of available karaoke songs like spinning during a game of roulette. The ball landed on Baka Mitai.

Leon barely had any idea what the heck he was singing nor did he sing too well, but as the words left his mouth, Leon felt as if the karaoke was having a transformative effect on him. He started hallucinating as he sang, imagining that he was in a bar with a shot glass filled with apple juice in front of him, a photograph next to the glass. Leon sang like a melancholic rock as he looked at the photograph.

It was a photograph of Ada in a red dress, with her legs seductively crossed.

Suddenly Leon snapped back from the dreamspace of his bar and into the confines of the karaoke room.

"KAROKE KLUTZ!" The score screen read. Leon sighed. His throat felt dry. All this singing had given him a hankering for a shot of apple juice.

"Hmm… I think we still have enough money for one song." Kiryu noted. "I wonder what we should sing."

Before Kiryu could do anything, however, he felt a sudden chill run through his spine. He could feel the hairs on his neck, his arm, his everywhere all standing up like he was in a room filled with static electricity.

(Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling?) Was all Kiryu had time to think when it happened.

"HOW ABOUT CHRIS REDFIELD'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS?" A muffled shout came from the other side of the wall.

"Get down!" Kiryu tackled Leon for safety purposes as a high velocity, high impact fist from the other side blasted the wall down.

"Oh yeah!" Chris Redfield stepped through the hole and over the wreckage of the destroyed wall and towered over the stunned Kiryu and Leon.

"What the fuck? Chris what the fuck are you doing here?" Leon stammered. "Shouldn't you and Jill be banging each other in some Japanese love hotel like a pair of souped-up rabbits?"

"Ewww no! You pathetic specimens thought your blackmail attempt would actually work? That I couldn't track you down on my own?" Chris made a face, as he cracked his knuckles. "You think just cause I punch boulders for fun that I'm just brawns and no brains? Leon you blond bitch, I was STARS!"

"Chris you retard all you had to do was fuck Jill! Then we'd all be happy campers!" Leon shouted.

"No way Jose! You'd think I'd just put my dick in Jill after surviving so many zombie outbreaks together? Fallow and fleeting sexual gratification is not what friendship means!" Chris seethed, before resuming his rant.

"You must have done something to Jill! She'd never say those things she was saying unless someone was making her say 'em! I'd make you pay for mindfucking my best friend, but your genes are too valuable to damage!" Chris gritted his teeth as he faced Leon and Kiryu. "Now you get over here right now so I can take you to fuck Claire!"

(Zombie? I don't know much English but that is one I think I understand. I hear it all the time on the foreign movie channel when they play the scary American ones subtitled. They're kidding around… no way the undead actually exist! Surely, right?) Kiryu thought as he tried to think of a way to defuse this situation.

"No thanks, Chris! Besides I already jerked off into this petri dish right here!" Leon pulled out a plastic bag he'd been holding onto, with a petri dish containing his sperm. "After you go and fuck Jill, you can artificially inseminate Claire with my sperm!"

"That won't do! My sister, a daughter of the Redfield lineage, deserves a proper fucking for her impregnation! Claire has been in a deep sleep for an entire day, she must have fallen under a curse like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White! Only your dick will wake her, Leon!"

"Yeah right, Chris! Just throw some water on her, you retard!" Leon shook the petri dish bag at Chris. "Now take my sperm and just fuck off! I don't even care if you fuck Jill or not! Just leave me alone!"

"I shall not! Maybe if you'd been thinking of Claire when you jacked off, but I bet you weren't! You musta been thinking of your Chinese prick-tease slut!" Chris snarled, a vicious accusation.

"Don't call my Ada that!" Leon suddenly rushed Chris, as if to defend his woman's honor. He threw a punch, but Chris caught the fist, and started crushing it with a grip like an industrial vice.

"I'll call her whatever I want as long as she stands in the way of the Redfield lineage!" Chris bent Leon's arm and then kneed him in the gut. He then flung Leon against the wall, and Leon collapsed onto the sofa. "Will I have to beat you to make you realize that Ada Wong doesn't love you? That she will never love you?"

"You're… guh… wrong! I love Ada and one day I'll make her mine!" Leon huffed as he sunk onto the sofa's cushions for a breather.

(I wonder if it's always like this when dating Chinese women...) Kiryu thought as he stood around dumbfounded at the crisis unfolding in front of him, still trying to decide if he should do something.

Chris shoved past Kiryu like he wasn't even there, to where Leon had collapsed. The burly man of muscles yanked Leon up by the shoulders, and dragged him in close face to face.

"You ain't in love, you're just goddamn obsessed."

"Am not!"

"Am too!"

"Prove it! I double dare you!"

"You only eat at Chinese restaurants if you get served by a lady with short black hair in a red dress! You pay hookers in red light districts to dress up like Ada and throw you rocket launchers! And your top 100 songs on Spotify was 'China Girl' by Iggy Pop, followed by 97 covers of 'China Girl' by various artists, followed by Chris de Burgh's 'Lady in Red' and one cover of said song!"

"That shit proves nothing!" Leon protested as he tried to judo throw Chris. But Chris was prepared and they tumbled around in an awkward grapple.

"FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS STRAIGHT! You're All Caps Obsessed!" Chris punted Leon off of him, and Leon managed to land with a graceful handstand, before kicking Chris in the head while he hung upside down.

"I know you are but what am I?" Leon swung himself upright quickly, sweeping Chris off his feet as he did.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, smart-ass!" Chris grabbed for Leon, but Leon was scurrying out of his reach like a panicked squirrel.

It was a great opportunity to run out while the two white men were distracted with each other. Kiryu could wipe his hands of this whole stinking affair.

(But when have I ever been one to know when to walk away?)

Kiryu sighed as Chris caught Leon by the neck.

"Hey." Kiryu tapped Chris on the shoulder.

"What do you want, ya stinkin"

"Shut up, you gaijin baka!" Kiryu shouted as he punched Chris square in the jaw.

It was a hard, powerful punch that had floored many a punk. It might as well have been swatting empty air with the Redfield. In fact, it felt as if his punch had hurt himself more than his target.

(This is going to-)

Kiryu frowned as Chris spun a backfist, taking off him balance. He raised a leg and punted Kiryu.

* * *

(-hurt!)

Kiryu went flying.

"There's my exit ticket!" Leon grabbed onto Kiryu's pant leg and he joined with Kiryu as the two shot towards pain.

"Noooo! Get back here, Leoooooon!" Chris howled.

Chris had hit him with such force that Kiryu broke through several walls. They went flying out of the building that housed the karaoke establishment and sailed over the rooftops of Kamurocho until landing with a sickening crack of a thud in a crowded market.

As people screamed and scurried away from the crater, Kiryu managed to move his battered joints towards his pocket and pulled out a Toughness ZZ. Leon, meanwhile, was pulling some green herbs out of his pants while groaning. With a quick unscrewing of a cap and a deep swig for one and some quick chewing and swallowing for the other, they were back on their feet like nothing had happened.

"We need to get out of this place." Kiryu panted.

"Uh, you think we can catch a breather?" Leon moaned in sardonic optimism.

No, respite was not a luxury they could enjoy.

"LEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOON!" Chris' anger drowned out everything else. It came from above and Kiryu looked up just in time to see Chris barreling down towards him from the rooftops.

Like the mustachioed man in the red hat in those Nintendo games he sometimes saw kids at the orphanage play.

Kiryu wasn't a walking mushroom, but he didn't have to be one to guess what would happen if Chris landed on him.

"Uhhhf!" Kiryu managed to dive out of the way, landing in front of an overturned takoyaki stall. He spied several fallen takoyaki, and a bucket that was still standing upright amidst the chaos of its surroundings. The ground around the bucket was wet. An orange tentacle lingered outside the bucket, before slithering back in with a swoosh.

"Stay down, you puny man!" Chris barked at Kiryu. He returned his attention to Leon, who was futilely punching him in the chest to no effect.

(Fat chance of that.) Kiryu crept towards the bucket. What was inside, the orange octopus, first squirmed away as he tried to get at it, before wrapping its vengeful tentacles around Kiryu. Kiryu frowned as the tentacles squeezed. This was going to be a bit harder than he'd planned it to go.

Meanwhile Chris staring blankly at Leon who was still punching, and now occasionally kicking him, to no effect.

"Leon… just give up. It's just pathetic at this point. All you have to do is put your dick in my sister, hump a few times, and presto – this'll all be over with! You can get on with getting friendzoned by Ada forever!"

"No way fag!" Leon replied curtly.

"God dammit Leon!" Chris swore, raising his arms for a block as Leon went for a double chop to his neck. He then head-butted the Kennedy, sending him reeling. Before Leon could recover, Chris had taken out his pistol and Leon found himself staring down the barrel. "You brought this on yourself!"

"What, you're gonna shoot me?"

"No. The Redfield Lineage still needs you. But I bet you can't outsmart a bullet. So be a good boy Leon and do what I goddamn say."

Leon's eyes blazed not with fear, but with defiance.

"No…"

Chris chambered a round.

"…way…"

His finger tightened around the trigger.

"…fag!"

"THAT DOES IT! I'll make you regret ever defying the Redfield Lineage!" Chris whipped Leon with the pistol, causing a big gash on his forehead. "You won't need your kneecaps to fuck Claire, Leon! No way will Ada ever bang you once she sees you're a crip!"

"Go ahead, make my day." Leon spat in his eye.

Seething, Chris got ready to shoot Leon when suddenly he felt someone else pressing another gun right against his neck.

"Drop it, Chris." The familiar, cool voice of Jill Valentine. "I was beginning to wonder why you were holding me up."

"Jill." Chris' voice almost cracked for a moment before reasserting its authority. "Back away and just sit still. It's not you talking, it's Leon's mind-fucking. Don't worry. I'll get the best of the BSAA to cure you!"

"To the contrary, Chrissy-boy. I'd never let Leon fuck me. Y'see, the only man-meat I crave is red meat."

As this unfolded, Kiryu was still struggling with the damn octopus. He just wanted to use the sea creature as a weapon, why was it resisting so madly?

Chris smacked Leon with the pistol again, sending him to the ground, before whirling around to train his firearm on Jill, who took a step back but kept her pistol focused on him. He saw what the color of her hair was, gazed upon the natural brunette locks.

"You aren't blonde!" Disbelief echoed throughout Chris' voice. "That means… that means… you've been acting under your complete self-volition!"

"My hair color's honestly what tipped you off?" Jill laughed, bemused. "Now take your pants off now, and fuck me right here. In front of Leon and all these Japanese people. I can barely hold it in any longer… the way you make me feel."

"Jill, I can't believe it! It's like I don't even know who you are anymore! I can't just fuck you! You may be my very good friend but the Redfield Lineage is not so casually shared about! There must be careful consideration of all genes invo-"

"I don't give a fuck about the Redfield Lineage!" Jill cut him off with a sudden snarll "I JUST WANT A GOOD FUCK! And you, Chris Redfield, are the only man that has the power to satisfy me!"

(Well, the only man worthy of Valentine snatch who ain't already married.) Jill thought briefly of memories of a bearded man and the phrase Jill sandwich.

"I can't believe it! Did you survive all those zombie outbreaks just to be devoured by your own deceptive lust? And what about Carlos?"

(Carlos? That sad boy shot his load and started crying and begging for forgiveness like a little weenie almost instantly when we tried it. Before he even put it inside me. I'd have laughed if it weren't so pathetic.) Jill had a fleeting flashback.

"Don't make me laugh." Was all Jill had to say about that matter.

"Um, how 'bout Brad?"

(Really grasping at the straws now, eh Chris?) "Oh, Brad loved his right hand too much to ever let any woman into his life. Besides, Brad's dead."

"Wait, Brad's dead?"

"Yeah, Brad's dead."

"Oh. Brad's dead. Huh." The belated revelation of the passing of a former STARS comrade didn't have much effect on Chris. But while lost in this small moment of remembrance, Jill pounced on Chris.

"Now shut up and fuck me, Chris! I've been waiting too many years for that juicy fat hot link of yours!" She began planting kisses on him before Chris tried prying her off. She started rubbing his groin with her soft palms and this began sending the most unpleasant alien feelings through Chris. To his horror, he could feel it begin to harden. No, it couldn't be! There was no way he could ever get turned on by Jill! This had to be black magic of some kind!

"No! What if I make you pregnant? I cannot risk siring an illegitimate Redfield! This lineage sanctions no bastards!" In desperation, Chris grabbed her breasts and squeezed. It sickened him to do so and he would make sure to wash his hands a lot with hot water when he got home after this. Its intended effect worked however, for Jill had not anticipated such intimate contact from Chris and it threw her off balance. Taking advantage Chris pushed Jill off of him and fired his gun, shooting the ground in between her legs as a warning. He was so focused on fending the horny Jill off that he did not notice the bleeding Leon S. Kennedy crawling right towards him from one side, and the irritated Kiryu Kazuma sneaking behind Jill from the other with an octopus in tow.

"Condoms exist, retard!" Leon rose up, and as he did he grabbed a brick from a pile of rubble dislodged from the recent chaos. "Not like you'll be able to fit one on after this!"

Leon smashed the brick right into Chris' dick, shattering the brick into dust upon impact.

"OOOOWAAAAAGH!" Chris howled into the night. He clutched at his royal jewels as Leon vaulted over him, kicking him in the face as he did.

Leon helped Jill up.

"I think we should run- wait, Kiryu what the hell are you doing with that"

"YOU EAT THIS YOU FUCKER MOTHER WHITEY!" Kiryu shouted in heavily accented English and threw the octopus right into Chris' red face.

(I hope what I said made sense to him. The only English I know is what I hear from movies and music. I don't know what most of those words even meant but given how many times the American TV people say them, surely it must mean something!) Kiryu hit Chris a few times in the legs and then the breadbasket as the octopus began to tighten around Chris' face.

"RRAAAAAGH WHAT IS THIS ORIENTAL SEA DEVIL DOING TO ME?" Chris spun around in disorientation as the octopus wrapped around him and started spraying ink.

"You two, get out of here! I'll cover your escape!" Kiryu demanded of Jill and Leon, who nodded and got moving.

Chris ripped the octopus off and threw it away. Right in time to see Kiryu coming towards him with a jumping punch.

Kiryu was already 0-2 with the Redfield. Getting hit by him was a lot worse than getting hit by Mr. Shakedown or even Ryuji Goda ever felt. But he didn't have to beat him. Just distract him long enough for Jill and Leon to lose him. And all Kiryu had to do was delay and survive this horror of a man until then.

"Raaaagh! You little pest, I don't even remember your name but I'm starting to hate you!" Chris swung at Kiryu, with Kiryu darting out of his reach before closing in with quick but sharp hit and run blows.

Kiryu ducked as Chris tried to high kick him and while Chris' leg was still in the air, swept the leg on the ground. As Chris fell, Kiryu grabbed a tea kettle that just happened to be on the ground and poured some piping hot tea into Chris' face.

"YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY! AND YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!" Chris sprang up and grabbed the kettle out of Kiryu's hand, before smashing it over his head.

Kiryu raised his hands in time to block the follow-up attack, but the impact of Chris' blows sent him stumbling back, almost tripping over some fallen iron rods. Chris was on him instantly, taking the rods into his hands. Pounding Kiryu with the rods everywhere. Kiryu was completely defenseless and Chris scooped him before flinging him over his back into a market stand, toppling it.

(A Chinese firework stand. Hey, this gives me another idea!) Kiryu saw where he had landed. He reached into his pocket as Chris advanced him, stumbling around with his fingers frantically until he found it.

"Don't fuck with the Redfield Lineage!" Chris was about to grab Kiryu when Kiryu grabbed a big bundle of firecrackers with one hand and held them right in Chris' face. Chris blinked, before he noticed Kiryu's other hand out of focus in the background doing something else. Moving his eyes, he saw as the focus shifted, Kiryu had raised and held in the other hand – a cigarette lighter.

Kiryu quickly moved the lighter to the fuses of the fireworks and flicked it on.

"AAAAAAAAAA!" The explosion sent Chris Redfield spiraling back.

Chris raised his gun and was about to fire before Kiryu weaved towards him and jumped up, kicking the gun out of his hands. Kiryu grabbed the gun out of the air and smacked Chris around with it before putting a bullet in Redfield. The body armor stopped any serious harm. He tried firing again but the gun jammed on him.

No problem. Kiryu backed off and as Chris lunged towards him, he threw the gun into Chris' face forcing him to a stop.

"No trip to Kamurocho is complete without trying some takoyaki." Kiryu said as he threw some old, hardened takoyaki he'd picked up from the stand along with the octopus at Chris's feet. Chris tripped on the takoyaki and landed flat on his back.

Kiryu decided that enough time had passed and that he could finally run for it as well.

"Hey, taxi!" Kiryu waved to the familiar sight of a Kamurocho taxicab.

Kiryu piled in, and with a fat wad of bills and some urging to the driver, the taxi sped off leaving behind the raging cries of Chris Redfield.

* * *

Moments later, Chris stumbled back into his private suite at the Tokyo BSAA headquarters. What parts of his face wasn't charred by the firecrackers or smelling of tea was blotted out by octopus ink and bite marks.

That Japanese man he had so easily beaten when they first met was a trickier opponent than he had expected. If Leon had him playing guardian angel… well, the plan to continue the Redfield lineage had just hit an unexpected snag. But any snags were temporary, and the kiddie gloves had just come off for good.

In fact, why not hit this Japanese interloper with a whole goddamn tsunami of pain?

Chris cleaned himself up by ingesting a spare herb from a pocket and thought about what to do.

First off, some personal calls to make. Chris opened up his work laptop and went through the BSAA database. By golly, this database was filled with so many beta males. Inferior male specimens whose genes would never be a worthy match for Claire's. But some of these men still might serve the Redfield Lineage well as its foot soldiers.

All of the men who Chris called agreed, except for Barry Burton, who turned down the request on the basis of spending time with his family. Family… some days Chris Redfield wished he could make one of his own like Barry did. Meet the right woman and have some kids, but goddamn was it hard – no, nigh impossible to find a woman with genes good enough for him.

(Don't think about it, Chris. Don't you even dare.) Chris thought to himself as he remembered how good Jill's genes actually were. It just couldn't be done.

Speaking of women, there were some women in this database too. Of course, their genes were pathetic as all hell, but what piqued Chris' interest in them was a flagged name that kept popping up in all their histories.

Leon Fucking S. Kennedy.

Looks like Claire wasn't the only girl that the Ada fetishist had given the cold shoulder too. Though obviously, Claire was the only one who didn't deserve it.

(More goddamn ammo for me, I think. None of em better make a move on me though… I get hives just looking at the photos of their weak genes.)

Finally, a call to the boys in the lab. Chris went to the phone that was installed in the kitchen.

"Yo."

"Yes, Mr. Redfield?" The voice on the other line asked.

"I'm sending you my R-Virus samples. Prep 'em to be dispersed en masse. I'm gonna need myself an army for this."

"Uh... you sure 'bout that. Cause the R-Virus turns people into..." The lab rat on the other end's voice faltered and hesitated, knowing the consequences of what they were about to do but soon he was detecting the emanated wrath of the Redfield Lineage over the phone line. "Sure thing. Anything else?"

"Yeah…" He was going to regret this, but it had to be done, just in case. Jill couldn't be trusted anymore, and what if she tried fighting? He refused to believe that Jill's mind was acting right. Leon had to have done something to her… or maybe Wesker was back and had done it! Oh god, what if Leon and Wesker were working together to prevent the Redfield Lineage from continuing? And what if they had similarly corrupted his many other good friends? Like Rebecca Chambers and even Sheva Alomar?

Chris didn't wanna fuck any of them, but he didn't want to hurt them too. Chris still wanted to keep them as his very good friends when all this was over and done with. So someone else would have to do the dirty work for him. And he had just the BSAA science project in mind for that.

Chris paused, before swallowing and pulling the trigger.

"…I'm gonna need you to boot up Project A.L.I.C.E. too."

To be continued…


	4. Complications

**Before The End**

"Ten-hut!" Chris Redfield shouted to the assembly of eight men before him that had gathered upon the rooftop of the BSAA Japan headquarters, in a neat side-by-side line formation.

"Now most of you only know me by name and vice versa. I've never bothered reaching out to any of you before, because your genes are purely pathetic next to mine, but desperate times call for desperate measures." Chris paced around the men, looking each and every one of them in the eye. He could feel their disgusting weakness just emanating from their very beings, but even the weaklings had a purpose to serve in life. To serve the strong like him. "It turned out some of you were also kinda dead as well… so I didn't have to resurrect you as a robot clone, but I did!"

"Perhaps in helping me accomplish my goal, of protecting the Redfield lineage, you weak-ass beta males may finaly prove your worth – your justification for your existence upon a Redfield world."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Redfield!" A nondescript looking blonde businessman, the apex of unremarkable everymen, flashed eager smiles and thumbs-ups at Chris. His name was Ethan Winters. "I can't wait to become as cool and badass as you!"

"Yeah yeah. Don't forget you owed me for that one thing, so it ain't like you had a choice to start with." Chris grumbled back at Ethan.

"So what do we gotta do?" A bearded, somewhat pudgy looking man in BSAA combat gear asked. Parker Luciani, Jill's partner during that one thing the one time.

"Yeah, I haven't got a clue what the heck a Redfield lineage is. Do you know the risk I took just in taking your phone call and boardin' an international flight? I ain't gonna let _THEM _catch me just for you." A man with a raggedy beard and wild unkempt hair, with a tattoo on his left arm, asked. His name was Billy Coen, an acquaintance of Chris' great but not the greatest platonic female friend Rebecca Chambers, and he had apparently lost his razor and scissors in the years since he'd encountered Rebecca.

"You'll split up into teams. Redfield Force Alpha and Redfield Force Beta." Chris took out some fancy holoprojector tech and threw them onto the ground. Instantly, the holoprojectors illuminated the area with two lifesize holograms – one of a Japanese man in a grayish-white suit and a red shirt, and the other of a sexy-stunner Chinese woman in a red-dress and heels.

"Hummina hummina. I'd like to crack open her fortune cookie." Another of the men spoke up. He had the looks of a sexy Latin lover, and sounded the part too. Carlos Oliveira, a very former and brief acquiantance of Jill Valentine.

"This is some ex-Yakuza motherfucker called Kazuma Kiryu who's been roped into playing bodyguard for Leon S. Kennedy. Alpha Team, you're gonna make him regret signing that deal. And the gal? I'm sure you're all familiar with Ada Wong. I'm gonna need Beta Team to track her down and bring her to me, alive."

"Leon's in town, huh? I'm just itching to pay that fucking punk back any way I can." Jack Krauser, who was actually a super-advanced BSAA robot modeled after and implanted with the real deceased Krauser's memories, cracked his knuckles. "Say no more."

"Waitaminute! Did you drag us all out here just get somebody laid? And it isn't me?" Another robot replica indignantly asked. He was an annoying redheaded twerp wearnig a blue jacket and marine camo pants.

"Yes, Robot Steve Burnside, I did. You're going to make Leon fuck my sister. And you are going to enjoy it!" Chris reprimanded him sternly, with a smack.

"Uh, are we gonna be getting anything in return? We have lives of our own that we put on hold for your little vendetta, companero." Carlos piped up like a little weasel.

"What I'm paying you isn't enough?" Chris glared at Carlos.

"Well actually…" Ethan Winters interjected. "You are actually paying us less than what some minimum wage movie theater worker in Austin, Texas makes sweeping up trash and printing out tickets."

"Fine! What the heck do you want?" Chris looked at every one of his recruits.

"I want Jill!" Carlos proclaimed. "It was love from the moment I laid my dashing Latin eyes upon her blueberry muffin curves and it is about damn time she returned the favor!"

"Sure, what the hell. You can have her." Chris casually approved the request.

"Hey, I was gonna ask for Jill!" Parker protested.

"Shut up, short stuff. First come, first serve. Finders keepers losers weepers." Chris snapped at Parker. "I can give you that bitch Jessica – who does not enjoy the privilege of being one of my very good friends - gift-wrapped. She'll suck your cock and stuff. And you're gonna like it."

Rather than risk annoying Redfield further, Parker gulped and quietly acquiesed.

"Meh, forget about Jill. I want Rebecca." Billy Coen smacked his lips.

"Yeah, you can have Rebecca. I'll text you her number and email right now."

(Excellent! My platonic very good friends just need some men in their life and maybe now they'll finally stop lusting after me!) Chris rubbed his palms.

Steve Burnside was next.

(Say Sheva. Say Sheva. Say Sheva please goddamit.)

"I want Claire!" Steve Burnside begged.

"God no! Your man genes are the most pathetic I've ever seen! You aren't even worthy of bathing in her bottled shower water! Why don't I just introduce you to my very good friend Sheva?' Chris offered.

"No thanks, bro! I got eyes on only one prize and that prize is Claire Red-" Chris pulled out an assault rifle and unloaded on Steve Burnside, turning the robot replica inside out until he was nothing more than a bunch of ruined wires and circuits.

"Aaaaggga bbaaagga!" Steve Burnside cried then he died.

(Shit. Why'd I do that. Robot Replicas are expensive to make. Shit, why'd I even commision a robot replica of Steve fucking Burnside to begin with.) Chris stared at the remains of Robot Steve and he turned to the remainder of his men.

"Any more of you fucks setting your eyes on my little sister?' Chris hissed with the murderous intensity of a pissed-off mama grizzly.

"Of course not! In fact, I don't need any hoes! I'm already happily married!" Flustered, Ethan Winters made excuses and waved his arms around. "Hey, the life experience I'll get from this job will be enough of a prize!"

"Just let me kill Leon when this is all said and done. He'll pay for breaking my heart the way he did, when I carve it outta him and stuff it in his op" Jack Krauser unsheathed a knife and was spinning it around.

"Woah, woah, woah! Tone down the language, hombre! I'm still planning to eat later! You can do that. Just be sure he's finished cumming when you do." Chris specified to Krauser.

Only two requests had yet to be heard and judged.

First up was a menacing man covered head to toe in Umbrella Corps tactical gear, with none of his features even visible beneath the red lenses the presumably hid his eyes.

"So… Agent H.U.N.K. We finally meet. I trust your former Umbrella ties will be no problem? The only thing I hate more than Leon not fucking my sister is Umbrella!" Chris walked up to HUNK and towered over the armored man.

"Just gimme some more goddamn money and I'll bring you the head of Albert Wesker himself."

"Huh? Isn't Wesker dead?" Everyone asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" HUNK chuckled from beneath his helmet.

"Whatever. Just get the job done." Chris slammed a big pile of bucks into HUNK's palms. "This half is a courtesy. The rest you get when Claire's belly is big with the next generation of Redfield lineage."

Last but not least there was a younger man, his head shaven, tapping away on his phone. He evidently was unaware of everything that had just transpired from Chris' big dramatic speech to the granting of gifts, for that stuff was really boring. Anyways, he was too busy trying to catch some cartoon monsters by swiping the screen to throw a red and white ball at them.

"WHAT THE FUCK JAKE?" Chris yelled at the lad. "WERE YOU ON THE PHONE THE ENTIRE TIME?"

"Mhm." Jake ignored Chris as he continued trying to catch himself some Pokemon. "Oops, just about picked this area clean. Gotta move on."

"Hey, come back here!" Chris threw his hands on Jake's shoulder but he was shaken off. "The Redfield Lineage is more important than fucking Pokemon!"

Upon doing so, Jake suddenly realized where he was and looked around. And then saw Chris in front of him, starting to turn red.

"Uh, I think it's probably better that I don't get involved with whatever this is! Bye-e!" And Jake Muller then ran away.

"God dammit Jake." Chris took a deep breath. He turned to the rest.

"Well, we're down to six. But that means it's easy division into two teams of three. HUNK, Krauser, Carlos – you're Redfield Force Alpha. The rest of y'all – Billy, Parker, Ethan – you schmucks can be Redfield Force Beta."

"Yay I'm part of a team!" Ethan Winters energetically jumped up and down.

"Whatever." Chris pushed Ethan Winters aside into a puddle of rainwater that had formed on the roof. "Just get to work and don't dare call in until you have some results for me."

As the two teams grouped up and then dispersed onto their individual missions, Chris took out a button on a box and pressed it. Uncloaking all around him were drones carrying canisters.

The drones flew out into the unsuspecting Kamurocho and began dispersing via gas the R-Virus into the air.

* * *

"So… what the hell do we do now? Chris is goddamn relentless, beating him once will just make him try even harder." Leon asked as he sat sandwiched between Jill and Kiryu in a crowded, noisy bar. Leon had some ice cream in front of him with a glass of apple juice to the side, while Jill and Kiryu were hitting the harder stuff.

"Ah, beats me. I don't think I really thought any of this through." Jill shrugged and then hiccuped. They were all talking in Japanese for Kiryu's sake.

"God dammit Jill! All of this is your fault!" Leon moaned, so lost in his misery that he was totally unaware Jill was currently stealing his ice cream very drunkenly. With her mouth.

"Wuzzat? How's dat my fault? You wouldn't be trapped in this circus if you just manned the fuck up and fucked Claire." Jill whispered into his ear as she began to lean in way too close for Leon's comfort. "I can help you with that, y'know."

"BEGONE THOT!" Leon shouted as he shoved Jill off her seat. She landed on her bottom with a thud, causing some mild stares from the people around them. Kiryu restrained Leon as he got off of seat and started towards Jill. Struggling against Kiryu's grasp, Leon still managed to shout. "You know I can't do that, Jill!"

"Leon, it won't be the end of the world if you fuck some girl before Ada." Jill taunted him.

"To me it will be! What if she feels the betrayal when we finally do it?" Leon worried.

"D'awww." Jill put on a condescending tone, like she was talking to a child. "You have no idea how sex actually works, do you?"

"She is rather blunt, but she does have something of a point." Kiryu spoke up as Leon calmed down and returned to his seat where he pouted. "Life won't always turn out how you wish it. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches."

"You think I wanted life to be this way? All I wanted to be as a kid was a cop. Not spend my entire life on the run from one disaster to the next! I just want something to go my way for once. Just some payment for saving the world from being the undead's all-you-can-eat buffet…" Leon ordered another round of apple juice. "…where the fuck did half my ice cream go?"

Jill wiped the last of the melted sweetness from her lips, looked away innocently. "Hey, I didn't want my life to be nothing but a series of zombie outbreaks either. But you don't see me bitching about it!"

"Shut up Jill. You're a woman. You don't know how a guy feels about love!" Leon choked down his apple juice.

"Why do you two keep mentioning words like zombie and undead!" Kiryu interrupted suddenly.

"Uh…" Leon and Jill looked at each and then at Kiryu and back at each other uncertainly.

"You don't mean to tell me that our world is routinely being threatened by silly monsters off the midnight movie channel!" Kiryu scoffed with a chuckle.

(Bet it's just like the silliness with that haunted video tape a few years back – some mass cultural hysteria these two were apart of back in their homeland) Kiryu smiled at the memory.

"Hoo boy… no putting the cat back in the bag I guess. You wanna tell him your story first, or should I?" Jill asked Leon.

"You owe me for stealing my ice cream." Leon pouted as Jill rolled her eyes at the accusation.

"Fine. Okay, hold onto your bladders and sit tight boys, cause this is gonna be a long story."

(This should be a good on) Kiryu began but did not finish his thought.

There was a sudden explosion from the roof that knocked the trio back and sent the bar into chaos.

"Ugh what the fuck." Leon shook his head as his ears rung and his vision struggled to clear. "Oh god did Chris find us already."

Meanwhile, Kiryu was scooping up rubble and helping Claire out from underneath a pile.

"We ain't no Chris, but we're trouble regardless!" Said a Latin-accented voice from above. Through the hole in the roof that the explosion had made were descending three men on rappel ropes. Leon didn't recognize the first man, the one who had spoken up, but his heart sank as he recognized the second.

"Make that a triple order!" HUNK shouted. And then Leon's heart began beating in a crazed panic as he recognized the impossible third man.

"Jack Krauser! What the fuck you're alive!" Leon scrambled for some breathing room as the beret-wearing muscular blonde lunged at him.

"Surprised to see me, bro! Me too!" Krauser began swinging at Leon with heavy fists.

"Stay dead, Jack!" Leon did the splits-low blow manuever on Krauser, only to receive the heaping of pain in his hand instead. "Ow what the fuck why am I the only one in pain here?"

"Ha ha Leon I'm a robot now. I have no more human weakness!" Krauser cackled maniacally before he unsheathed is combat knife. "And now it's time for a haircut!"

"Carlos!" Jill recognized the first man, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"My Jilly Valentine! A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one!" Carlos waltzed over to Jill, brandishing a carbine assault rifle to keep her still. He smacked his lips. "Chris promised me you in exchange for my services! But I did not expect him to deliver upon that promise so soon!"

"You're coming with us, Leon!" HUNK ordered as Leon evaded Krauser's knife swings before HUNK swung his rifle around and aimed it at Kiryu. "And you are coming to hell."

HUNK sprayed bullets at Kiryu who vaulted over the bar counter to avoid it.

"You can't hide behind there forever!" HUNK laughed.

The bullets blasted apart bottles of drink but some had already fallen and were scattered on the floor. A quick idea popped into Kiryu's head.

Meanwhile, Carlos had sidled right up to Jill, so close that his Little Oliveira Tree could grow to touch her.

"You wanna ditch these losers? Get some sushi? I bet you're just dyin' to try the spicy Oliveira Roll." Carlos offered Jill. In the background, HUNK continued firing at Kiryu behind cover while Leon was smashing everything he could get his hands on against Robo-Krauser to no effect. "I've leveled up since that night after Raccoon, baby. Carlos is the bullet train love machine you need, sweetcheeks! I'm gonna show you a good time, sister! 'Course, not like you got much of a choice."

He put his assault rifle's barel in-between her two breasts to emphasize the point.

"I see none of those leveles went into charm." Jill scoffed.

"CARLOS!" HUNK snapped at him. "Stop playing with your damn bimbo and get back to wor"

At that moment, Kiryu leapt up from behind the counter with two bottles of champagne in hand. He smashed both bottles againt HUNK's helmeted cheeks, causing alcohol to seep into and run all over his body armor. Kiryu then pressed his flicked his cigarette lighter open against the booze-stained HUNK, setting him ablaze.

"Well, this is slightly inconvenient." HUNK commented as he realized he was on fire.

"What the blazes?" Carlos looked away and lowered his weapon, which was all Jill needed. She pulled Carlos' side piece out of his holster, and proceeded to shoot him in both kneecaps. She then kneed him in the face as he fell, before stomping several times on the Little Oliveira Tree, splitting the branches.

"Ouchie, Jill! I wasn't really gonna hurt you, my sexy shooting STARS! That was uncalled for! How the heck am I supposed to supposed to satisfy you now, much less any lady in this state?" Carlos protested as he looked up at Jill while nursing his lightning-battered tree, utterly defeated.

"I'm sure you'll dream something up." Jill replied drolly as she swung a low kick directly into Carlos' head, sending him to slumberland with a very large and somewhat bent log sticking up.

Kiryu meanwhile was wondering what the man in the black body armor was made of, as he kept coming for Kiryu even as the blaze consumed him.

"I don't need to not be burning alive to kick your ass!" HUNK swung at Kiryu, who only dodged the chaotic attacks from the man on fire. "C'mon, hit me ya yellowbelly!"

Kiryu attempted a punch, but quickly pulled back as his hand felt the heat coming from the ablaze HUNK. That was not going to be an option, unless burnt hands on single men were suddenly about to go into fashion.

(How am I supposed to fight someone on fire? Punching fire is just gonna hurt me more than him.)

Jill tied up the sleeping Carlos, then hopped up onto the bar counter, kicking her legs up and down as she watched the two men struggle to deal with their opponents.

(Men… they never finish when you need them to.) Jill thought as she picked Leon's ice cream back up and continued eating it.

* * *

Back at BSAA headquarters, Chris was heading up the whole operation from the command center. Chris was watching the action unfold via body and head cams on all his men from big screens in front of him, while underlings typed away at computer terminals all around him.

Carlo's cam had just broadcast his defeat, while HUNK's cameras seemed to be currently on fire. Only Krauser still seemed to be storming along towards the objective completely unmolested as he played a deadly game of cat and mouse with Leon.

(C'mon, Leon, quit pussyfootin' about.) Chris thought as he watched the live feed with a stern expression. (Where's that fabled Kennedy lineage that proved itself such a worthy match for the Redfield lineage.)

"Alright, switch to Redfield Force Beta's feed!" Chris ordered and with a few taps of a keyboard and clicks of a mouse, the feed swapped.

RF Beta was currently in some backwater farm town in China, the kind of town that you only ever encounter when dozing off in the cramped third class compartment of a train traveling through the countryside. Ada had led them on a merry chase that had begun in Hong Kong and spread to the mainland metropolises, but at last the fox had been cornered in a town of muddy rivers, muddy streets, and muddy cabbage patches.

Well, cornered was a generous description.

On Parker's body cam Chris saw Ada thrust her knife into the BSAA agent, presumably his neck.

"EEEEEEGYAAAGH!" Parker's squeal got higher and higher as Ada cut out his throat, until he was shrieking like a damned nightcore video. Blood from his wounds were seeping down onto the body cam, turning the scenery redder than an Argento flick.

"Report, Coen!" Chris demanded and over Billy Coen's end came muffled through lots of static blubbling and thrashing like Coen was being drowned.

"Huh." Chris looked at Billy Coen's body cam and it looked like Ada was drowning Coen in the mud of one of the cabbage patches. Suddenly the sounds of his struggle ceased.

"Onto the prison of the afterlife, convict." Ada Wong remarked. Through the head cam Billy Coen was wearing, Chris grimaced as he saw Ada extend her thumbs and inevitably Billy Coen was screaming. Her thumbs still dripping with the blood of his eyesockets and still not satisfied, Ada began picking cabbages for the select purpose of bludgeoning whatever head Coen had left in with them.

(Good grief. This woman's a fucking lunatic. What the hell does Leon see in her?) Chris stroked his chin in contemplation.

"Ok, Winters, it's all up to you now. No pressure, rookie."

"Don't worry, Mister Redfield! I won't let you down!" Ethan's voice cackled over the coms with brimming enthusiasm despite the deaths of his partners. "But say…"

"What is it, rookie?" Chris asked.

"Ain't that a funny sight!" Ethan Winters' cams exposed a dog in the middle of the street. Muddy cats and pigs were running about behind it, while families of ducks crossed the road like they owned 'em. The dog was sitting directly in front of Ethan, and the two were looking at each other. The dog then began crapping without any shame in front of Ethan, and Ethan began chuckling. "What a dump China is! Reminds me of San Francisco!"

"Don't get caught up in the scenery like some tourist, rookie! You're on the clock here!" Chris reminded him sternly.

"Don't worry, Mister Redfield! That Chinawoman is takeout!" Ethan Winters readied to take off and continue the hunt for Ada. He pumped his fists to pump himself up. "Or my name ain't Ethan Winters!"

Suddenly Ada casually walked by him, holding an antique Chinese sword and cut Ethan's pumping hand off.

"Gee golly whiz! Not again!" Ethan remarked as blood spurted from his stump onto his face and he stared at his sliced-off hand. The same dog that had crapped in front of him ran up to the hand, took it in its mouth, and then ran off.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but I gotta take ya in for a special extended vacation with Mister Redfield. Even if it means I gotta break your pretty custard cream face to do it!" Ethan got into a basic white belt karate stance, and beckoned for her to come.

Without speaking, Ada Wong whipped her pistol out, shot him in the dick, and then ran up and flip-kicked him in the chin so hard Ethan Winters went flying into the atmosphere.

Dumbfounded, Chris Redfield watched Ethan Winters fly all the way into outer space screaming. Eventually the screaming stopped as Ethan Winters froze solid in the vacuum of space, but the feed continued for a time until it frosted over and cut off for good.

"I knew I shouldn't have sent some goddamn civvies into the field." Chris slapped himself.

(Maybe I should've injected the boys with some R-Virus to give 'em that boulder-smashin' boost… but I doubt their puny manhoods could've handled it either.) Chris chastised himself in thought.

"Hello, hello? This Chris Redfield?" Ada's voice came on over the com-line. Through the damaged feed of Billy Coen's cam, Chris could see Ada holding his radio. "You fucking sent assassins after me again?"

"Yes I did! Because you keep getting in the way of the Redfield lineage. This would be a lot easier if you would just lay down and die!" Chris snarled. He wished he could just reach through the screen and strangle the bitch with some fucking chow mein where she stood.

"Excuse me if I don't find a man frightened of the female orgasm quite so intimidating." Ada tsk'ed as she checked her ammo and supplies.

"The Redfield Lineage will not stand for these insults!" Chris' fists clenched.

"I think it shall. Don't make me come down there and whup it into you myself."

* * *

"Oh… now there's an idea. See ya soon, Ching-Chong." Chris chuckled on the other end of the line before he switched it off.

Ada frowned as she tossed the radio aside. What exactly did Chris mean by that? He'd been sending goons to kill her at least once a week for the past six months, and that wasn't exactly ending well for them. Was he now going to change his MO to basic kidnapping? Like that would work, yeah right.

At least Leon, for all the faults in their odd relationship, hadn't gotten around to sending armed mercenaries after her. Yet.

(Ah, whatever. Let him come. I'm sure I can kick his ass.) Ada patted her belly. Killing the bunches of assholes that Redfield sent after her always did make her a bit peckish. And a couple of herbs weren't going to cut it for this Wong's appetite.

She passed a couple of tea houses, some noodle houses, and a suspect-looking Chinese knock-off of a well-known American fast food chain titled KFG right down to some nondescript Asian lad drawn in the style of the Colonel himself. Ada was almost morbidly curious to find out what that G stood for. Gourd? Goat? Godzilla? Eh, curiousity killed the cat and this kitty wasn't in the mood to cut back on lives just yet.

Ada ended up in one of the restaurants and ordered herself a big bowl of beef noodle soup. She was digging into her heart's content when she felt two hands, so cold it was like swimming buck-naked in the Arctic Sea, clamp down on her shoulder.

"You oughtta watch yourself." A woman's voice spoke. As she did, Ada whirled around hoping to catch this intruder into the privacy of her lunch-time off-guard with a spinning elbow to the neck.

As the fight broke out, the staff fled into the kitchen and barricaded it while the patrons closest to the door burst outside screaming while others blocked by the coming storm huddled underneath tables in fear.

No luck for the elbow attack. The assailant was fast, slapping Ada's blow off-course. Ada tried to hit her again, but the attack was dodged. Things were going so fast Ada could barely get a good look at her attacker. All she could make out was a red blur. Ada threw a high kick at woman in red's head, only for the woman to duck and then swing her leg towards Ada's standing leg to unbalance her.

"Noodles are Grand Central for carbs. Too many and you won't wanna be caught dead in that dress." The woman was blathering as Ada fell.

Ada slapped her palm on the floor of the restaurant to break her fall. She moved to rip her knife out of its sheath and give that mouthy bitch a few more holes to talk out of, but a heeled boot stomped on her arm to pin it down.

"Of course… I wear it better than you ever will." Ada finally got a good look at her assailant.

A tall white woman with moody, vacant supermodel looks. The too perfect ideal of a perfect woman. Good for looking good in a fight and not too much else. For whatever reason, this woman wearing a red dress like she was. Ada didn't recognize her. The new bitch had caught her off guard. If she'd caught wind a second sooner, they'd have swapped places in this current set-up.

"Who the fuck are you?" Ada demanded as she sprung up, kicking at the woman in red again as she did.

"Oh, I'm afraid Master Chris has my secret origin under an NDA." The woman in red blocked her attacks. "But I'll give you a little teaser…"

Ada ran at the woman in red, springing into a flying kick. The woman in red calmly jumped and flipped into the air. She landed by clamping her two legs around Ada's neck as Ada crashed into the fish tank.

The woman in red squeezed Ada's neck, choking her slowly and cruelly as water and dying fish washed over them.

"My name is Alice."

These were the last words Ada heard before she blacked out.

* * *

Back in the bar of ill fortune in Kamurocho, Kiryu was still racking his brains trying to figure out how to deal with the flaming HUNK.

"Damn you! Fight me you sissy boy!" HUNK kept swinging and grabbing at Kiryu, as the confused Dragon of Dojima continued assessing the situation. "You don't wanna fight me cause I'm on fire, huh? Well that's just prejudiced!"

This wasn't helped that the flaming man kept screaming English nonsense at him, and Kiryu was starting to get annoyed by it.

"The ACLU will be hearing about your ass! Right after I kick it!" HUNK charged at Kiryu, and Kiryu dove out of the way. HUNK slammed into the wall, dislodging a dartboard and several hanging pictures.

"Kiryu, catch!" Leon, while evading the murderous Krauser-bot, ran towards the wall. He used his momentum to perform a brief wall-run all the way to the fire extinguisher, and kicked it towards Kiryu.

"Thanks, Leon!" Kiryu flashed Leon a thumbs-up as he caught the extinguisher.

"No problemaaaaaagh!" Leon was about to return it when Krauser tackled him like a star quarterback.

"Welcome to Krauser's Diner! The special today? FACEFUL OF FIST." Krauser began pounding on Leon.

(I hope Leon can hold out long enough for me to take care of my problem. He gave me exactly what I need.)

Kiryu was about to douse HUNK with extinguisher foam when the man in black collapsed abruptly.

The air smelt like burnt KEVLAR and flesh. The burning HUNK was silent as the flames continued to eat his still body, until Kiryu extinguished them.

(So that's how you defeat a man on fire. Just wait for the fire to defeat him.)

Kiryu turned away.

The second he took a step, HUNK suddenly twitched back to life.

"RAAAAAAAAAH!" HUNK howled and grabbed Kiryu by the neck.

Kiryu responded by slamming the extinguisher into HUNK's gut with such force he heard something in the man crack.

HUNK let go and Kiryu began swinging the extinguisher into HUNK's helmeted head until he had dented the extinguisher beyond use. HUNK was made of hard stuff, his helmet still intact despite the dozens of cracks Kiryu had made in its burnt foundation.

HUNK kept going.

Kiryu stepped back only to find himself pressed against the pool table. He threw cue balls at HUNK to stall him, until his hand found the cue. Putting all his force in the thrust, Kiryu ran forward like he was holding a spear and rammed the cue into the left red lens on HUNK's helmet.

There was the sickening puncture of something soft going pop from inside, and Kiryu kept pushing until the cue came out on the other side. Kiryu let go, and looked at the man HUNK with a long pool cue stuck in his head.

"Owie owie owie!" HUNK mumbled as he bounced back trying to pull the cue out of his head, to no avail. "Uh, we'll call this a draw!"

HUNK then ran away, getting caught in the doorframe several times due to the cue stuck in his head.

Meanwhile, Krauser had just about finished Leon. He flung Leon onto the floor.

"Ha ha ha Leon there's no point! Your puny human fists are no match for my new robot strength! You're gonna pay for breaking my heart! We were like brothers… no, more than that! And you pissed it all away to chase some hairy skank!" Krauser hissed at Leon, kicking him while he was down.

"How dare you! My Ada's got hair only where a girl should have hair! She's a cleanly-shaven exemplar!" Leon protested as Krauser grabbed him by the hair. "Wait… not the hair! Not the hair!"

"Oh, yes the hair." Krauser cackled sadistically. "When she sees you're balder than my asscheeks, no way Ada Wong's gonna fuck you!"

Krauser then plucked one of Leon S. Kennedy's hairs out. Just one hair. But one was enough.

"FUCK YOU!" Leon screamed, entering a superpowered state of berzerker fury. He lifted his legs up while Krauser made another move for his hair, and kicked him with such force he bisected the robot.

"What.. what the fuck?" Krauser looked at the trails of circuits and wires that were strewn about between his two separate halves. "How did you break me in two with your puny human legs?"

"A HEARTLESS PRODUCT OF FACTORY ENGINEERING IS NO MATCH FOR A MAN IN TRUE LOVE!" Leon stomped towards Krauser as the now fearful android tried to crawl away on his belly like a snake.

He wasn't fast enough. Leon hoisted Krauser up with just one arm, and with his pistol in the other, shot the leg of an upturned table, splintering it until he crated a very sharp looking point.

Leon proceed to impale Krauser on the table leg.

"Uh, Leon… I'm, uh, sorry for messing with your hair! Can't we just talk this over?" Krauser begged as Leon wiped his hands.

"Time for talking's over. I think I'm just gonna beat you to death with your own arms." Leon said.

"THIS ONE'S FOR ADA!" Leon tore Krauser's right arm off.

"AND THIS ONE'S FOR ME!" Leon tore Krauser's left arm off.

Armed with Krauser's robot arms, Leon played the drums with Krauser's head until the robotic facsimile of his old enemy was no more.

Leon looked over his destructive handiwork, dropping the ruined arms, and caught his breath.

Something bonked him on the back of his head.

"Who knew I wanted apple juice before I even asked?" Leon rubbed the impact zone, and saw what had hit him. A bottle of apple juice. He then assumed the trajectory, and turned to look at the presumed source.

Jill was sitting with her legs crossed at the bar, looking pretty bored, tossing another bottle up and down. Kiryu was right next to her, drinking some booze, leaving yen with an apologetic note for every drink he took.

"Took you boys long enough." Jill yawned.

"I don't think I'll be allowed to drink here ever again." Kiryu sighed.

Suddenly Leon's cell phone began to ring. The ringtone was Bowie's version of China Girl.

"Oh fucking Christ it's Chris." Leon saw the caller ID.

"What the fuck do you want, Chris?" Leon answered as Jill and Kiryu watched.

"Just be quiet and listen. Put it on speaker if you must." Chris ordered.

"Hey, Leon. It's me." A voice unfamiliar to Kiryu started speaking over the phone.

"Ada… is that you? No. No. NOOOOO!" Leon shouted as he realized what had been done.

(This must be that Chinese woman, judging from his reaction.) Kiryu realized.

"Yeah, Chris kidnapped me. I guess." Ada's tone seemed pretty nonplussed but Leon was frantic nonetheless. "He won't let me go unless you surrender and fuck his sister in the next twenty-four hours. And if you don't show up…"

Chris took over again.

"I'm gonna fuck her!"

"Wait what?" Everyone but Kiryu said.

"Yeah, that's right! And I'll make videos of us fucking! Videos that I'll send to you, Leon! So that when you finally get to fuck Ada Wong, you will know that Chris Redfield got to fuck her first!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Leon fell out his knees and roared to the apathetic heavens.

"What the fuck, Chris!" Jill snatched the phone in an outraged fit. "You're gonna fuck her before you fuck me?"

"Wait… you're right. I can't fuck her. Her genes aren't good enough. Thanks, Jill, for that save. I knew you were still my very good **platonic** friend deep down!"

"IT'S STILL THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!"

Jill threw the phone onto the floor and began stomping on it.

"Jesus Christ, Jill, I'm the one who's supposed to be angry here. That dumb retard finally up and did it! He endangered my waifu!" Leon's fists were clenched, and he was shaking with rage.

"It's obviously a trap." Jill slapped herself in the face, and took some deep breaths to calm down.

"I know. But do you think I'm gonna leave Ada at his mercy? Like hell! What kind of boyfriend would I be to put my wellbeing above hers at a time like this?"

"Leon, you have like one gun with like two bullets left in it." Jill pointed out.

"Whatever. I've lived through worse." Leon charged towards the door, knocking it down, firing his gun two times as he did. He whooped and hollered, like a cowboy riding off to the gunfight. "ADA, I'M COMING!"

Jill and Kiryu watched Leon disappear into the night.

"Uh… should we be going after him?" Kiryu asked.

"Yeah, I guess we should. He's an idiot, but he's still our idiot." Jill took one last swig of the hard stuff.

They took one step outside when they stopped in their tracks.

They heard the sirens first. Then smelled the burning fires. And finally, above it all, the moaning and shuffling. It was a kind of sound that Kiryu had only ever heard before in the movies. Kiryu turned his head to where the ominous noise was coming from.

"Nani?" (What?) Kiryu said as he saw the horde slowly but surely making its way towards them. The once living residents of Kamurocho that comprised the horde had been corrupted by the R-Virus into something beyond human. Into something dead. And something hungry.

Screaming Kamurocho locals ran past Kiryu and Jill as they stood their ground. Those who weren't lucky were torn apart by the horde as they fell upon them, ripped open and chewed like steaks on a plate.

They filled the streets, clogging every spot of open earth.

(Are those… zombies?) Kiryu blinked, pinched himeslf to make sure he was awake.

Jill raised her arms, aimed her gun. But already there were too many for her bullets. Where the hell did they all come from?

(I had a dream like this once. A Kamurocho of the Dead. Akiyama, Majima, even Ryuji Goda were there. Hey, didn't Majima actually stage a zombie outbreak just like this just so he could pick a fight with me once? Dammit, not again!)

"Majima... did you do all this just for me? You can come out now." Kiryu shouted out. The horde just shambled on closer. Majima was nowhere in sight. Kiryu crossed his arms, tapped his foot impatiently.

(The make-up he uses for his zombies has gotten even better, I must admit.) Kiryu grudgingly thought.

"Majima, this trick's old. It isn't going to work a second time, and besides this is not a good time. But if it'll get you to leave me alone, I'll figh- hey!" Kiryu protested as Jill grabbed his arm, and she began running with him in tow confused totally confused. Away from the horde that was bearing down towards them. But deep in her heart, Jill already knew that soon there would be nowhere to run, that they would be surrounded on all sides.

Neither knew it, but the night of the Redfield lineage had begun.

To be continued...


	5. The Night of the Redfield Lineage

**During the End…**

In the middle of the night:

Claire Redfield awoke with a dragged out yawn. She pressed face-down in the pillow. More than anything she just wanted to drift back into nothingness underneath the warmth of the blankets.

She opened up her phone which was always near her side when she slept and her eyes widened when she saw the date. Apparently she'd overslept that long?

"Man, was I jetlagged or what? Ugggh, now I can't go back to sleep…" Claire dragged herself out of bed and got dressed. Still trying to reorient her senses to the world of the waking, Claire stumbled to the fridge and broke out the ingredients. "…starving anyhow."

(Y'know, is it just me or does everything just look a bit off? I don't remember the fridge being in this corner of the room…)

"Hey Chris, I'm making some Redfield-style chilaquiles and chorizo… you want some?" Claire called out, but there was no answer.

(He's probably still pooped, I guess. Probably from chasing Leon all week… again)

Claire finished cooking her meal and after piling her food onto a plate, she walked to the living room. The furniture there too was all in different places than she remembered.

Her mouth dropped as a sudden, violent draft hit her.

"What the fuck?"

There was a big hole in the wall, a perfect-Chris shaped hole, like her brother had turned into Bugs Bunny overnight. Through the windows and Chris-shaped hole in the wall, Claire could see fires in the skyline. Rescue, military, and news helicopters all swarming like a wild flock of birds.

Claire sat down on the couch and turned the TV on.

She went to the news channel for some quick exposition.

Big Bro had actually just gone out and done that? That was fucking Umbrella level shit there! The mad lad! Claire felt something bubbling up within her.

"CHRIS!"

* * *

After slapping around a poor BSAA temp, Claire was told that Chris was currently interrogating a special prisoner on the level where all the holding cells and other prison-related things were.

"What the fuck, Chris? You actually used that freaking R-Virus?" Claire asked as she kicked down the door to the interrogation room. Chris was currently at the table, trying to intimdate the prisoner on the other end. Claire's eyes widened as she recognized the black bob and red dress the prisoner was wearing.

Ada Wong didn't seem too concerned that she was a prisoner in the clutches of a man who empathetically wanted her dead. She looked like she might as well have been getting a manicure or waiting for a barista to finish her espresso. Or watching paint dry on growing grass.

"Hi, Claire. How's it going? I'd wave hello, but my hands are tied at the moment." Ada jangled her cuffed hands.

"Cool, Ada, I guess. This Japan trip has been pretty weird, even for my standards."

"Claire! You're awake!" Chris forgot about Ada momentarily as he turned around and greeted his little sister. "I had thought that I was gonna have to get Leon's dick to awake you!"

"Uh… okay… so, um… what's Ada doing here?" Claire pointed at Ada, who merely yawned.

"I'm holding here prisoner! She's now a crucial part in my plan to preserve the Redfield Lineage!" Chris proudly proclaimed. "Y'see, Leon will drag himself to hell and back for here! He's gonna come here to rescue her and when he does, boy oh boy have I got a surprise waiting for him!"

Chris rubbed his palms in anticipation.

"How's Leon these days, by the way?" Ada chimed in. "Haven't seen him in ages, feels like!"

"Oh, Leon's just-" Chris butted in.

"Shaddup, prisoner! You don't get to address my sister!" Chris pointed a menacing finger at Ada.

"Excuse me, big bro, but I think I'm old enough to decide who gets to talk to me!" Claire protested. "And besides, Ada's not what matters here!"

"What's more important than our bloodline's continuation, Claire?"

"Um… have you forgotten about that big zombie outbreak outside that's getting bigger by the minute? The zombie outbreak that you… er… started?"

"Oh. That. I can explain that." Chris shrugged. "Plan A: I needed the zombies to get Leon's Yakuza-looking mofo bodyguard outta the way. But then I managed to kidnap Ada in Plan B. So I had no more need to get rid of that whatshisname now that Leon's coming to me. But I didn't do that until I already sent the R-Virus into the wild, so it was too late not to start a zombie outbreak but… I'm sure it'll fix itself."

Chris flashed Claire two thumbs-ups and a big smile.

"Chris! You're doing exactly what Umbrella did!" Claire clapped two exasperated palms against her head.

"No! Umbrella was doing what they did just cause they could! Me, I'm doing it for a good cause! For our family!" Chris defended himself.

"A zombie outbreak, Chris! Thousands might be dead already!" Even inside sheltered as they were in the BSAA Japan HQ, they could hear some of the chaos outside. Like a nearby building crumbling and the bombardment of missiles.

"The Redfield Lineage must be continued. At any cost." Chris ran his thumb across his throat. "If history will brand me a monster for it, so be it. But I will have ensured that you and Leon's child can continue the battle against bioterrorism and save the world for generations to come long after I've passed!"

"Yare yare…" Claire shook her head.

* * *

"Why are we running?" Kiryu asked Jill as the woman continued urgently dragging him through the alleys and streets of Kamurocho. Everywhere Kiryu saw the zombies attacking people. Majima's men were really dedicated to their craft, he had to give them credit for that.

"For real?" Jill asked without looking at him. "You wanna be some undead's snack?"

"Hee-yaaaa!" Jill took the moment to kick an approaching zombie's head into a wall, crushing it.

"Woah! Don't kill them! They're just doing their job!" Kiryu reprimanded her, yanking himself out of her grip.

"Uh… what are you talking about?" Jill stared to stare at him, confused.

"This isn't the first time this has happened." Kiryu explained. "There's a man in the local crime scene called Goro Majima. He has something of an obsession with me, and he's gone to many lengths to indulge it. But don't fret. They're not real zombies. Just local out of work actors and mob boys in make-up. A few good hits and they should go down."

"Kiryu, I really don't think that is what's happening here! We gotta get moving!"

"Don't be scared. I'll show you."

To emphasis his point, as Kiryu said that, a growl was heard and Kiryu turned to see a zombie coming towards them.

Kiryu calmly walked towards the zombie while cracking his numbers.

Kiryu kicked the zombie with enough force to snap a spine like a stick of Pocky. The zombie cracked in two, and immediately began to drag its bloody self towards Kiryu.

"Nani." (What.) Kiryu said as the zombie grabbed his left leg and began biting his shoe. Its diseased teeth couldn't quite penetrate the leather.

"You don't need to go this far to earn a paycheck, pal." Kiryu sighed. He tried to shake the zombie off, but the thing's grip was tight and strong. With no other choice, Kiryu lifted his other leg and stomped on the decrepit undead's head, splattering it to bloody chunks like an exploded watermelon.

"These really are good special effects. Majima's putting Hollywood to shame!" Kiryu said. The sound of the destruction of the zombie alerted five of its fellow walkers that were emerging from the dark alleys of Kamurocho, all of them focused on Kiryu and Jill.

Their eyes turned red.

They began to croak grotesque vocalizations. Though they had never spoken a lick of it when they were alive, the undead Japanese moaned and chanted English as they shambled towards Kiryu and Jill.

"GENES!"

"REDFIELD LINEAGE!"

"What the fuck?" Jill gasped.

The zombies were sniffing the air towards Kiryu and Jill.

"UNWORTHY GENES!" One zombie stuck its rotted arm out towards Kiryu. "PURGE!"

"PLATONIC LIFE FRIEND!" The same zombie emphasized with its other arm towards Jill. "DO NOT HURT!" As they passed her, the zombies briefly knelt to Jill like a knight greeting a proper lady.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Jill screeched before shaking her fist to the heavens as she made a quick guess as to what was going on. "GOD DAMMIT CHRIS!"

"Majima knows I don't understand English. Why is he making his actors say it like it'll mean anything to me?" Kiryu scratched his head.

The zombies suddenly howled and found the sprint in their legs as they charged towards Kiryu.

"Woah!" Kiryu dived to the side as the zombies reached them. Missing him, they barreled into the building behind him. With a loud crash, they toppled it like it was nothing. In a blind rage, the zombies began to wail on the building with the fists. Despite the rotted nature of their limbs, their strength was unbelievable. The building, collapsed into dust and rubble before the zombies turned around and again made a beeline towards Kiryu.

Kiryu, thinking quickly, spied some bike racks nearby that were pretty filled. He grabbed the largest heaviest bike he could see and swung it at the zombies, catching all five of the zombies in the necks with the wheel. The swing sliced their heads off in one clean go.

(Damn, there was a good ramen restaurant that was a part of that building.) Kiryu looked over the destruction zone sadly.

"Still convinced this is all some act?" Jill interrupted his remembrance with a rather rude clamp on his shoulder. Kiryu turned his head to look at Jill, who was covered in lots of zombie blood. Behind her were a baker's dozen of brutally slaughtered zombies, who looked like they'd all been torn to pieces by some savage beast's hands.

Jill's hands were completely red and dripping. Though the zombies had been ignoring her, Jill wasn't ignoring them.

"I've tried my hand at producing a few times." Kiryu shrugged. "You never know the lengths an artist will go for their craft."

"Gah!" Jill clenched her fists. "Whatever! Just don't get bitten, okay?"

* * *

Jill and Kiryu emerged from an alleyway a few minutes later, armed with weapons they had picked from what was left lying around the streets. On the way there, Kiryu had been ambushed again by some Yakuza who didn't seem to prioritize the ongoing zombie outbreak around them over choosing to pick a fight with Kiryu. One of them had been carrying a katana which now was held by Kiryu.

"HELP US!" The last Yakuza screamed as the zombies came upon them and began digging in.

(Just how many people did Majima rope him into this warped theater of his?) Kiryu wondered as he felt the tip of the katana. A genuine blade. Majima must be playing big, but when did he not?

Jill Valentine was holding a crowbar, with two bicycle wheels attached to her shoulders as improvised guards.

They emerged into Theater Square and to say it was engulfed in chaos was to put it lightly. Total fucking pandemonium. People were being chewed up in the streets, cars and phone booths were on fire, and explosions were currently rocking the SEGA Arcade and the bowling alley.

(Majima's really stooped to destroying Kamurocho to get at me, huh.) Kiryu looked at the zombies chowing down on the corpses that were right in front of them.

"Still think this is some elaborate stage production?" Jill elbowed him. Meanwhile, the zombies had noticed their presence and were now crawling or lumbering towards them.

"Even if this was real, you don't seem to be too concerned about a real-life zombie outbreak." Kiryu noted. Jill wasn't exactly settling in for easy-sailing, but she still seemed to be taking the idea of a real-life zombie outbreak in far too much stride than anyone should have. She wasn't reacting particularly strongly as they waded their way through the zombie hordes in front of them, beating down any that got in their way.

Jill sighed. She exposited while they fought.

"It's not my first night of the living dead." Jill's voice grew cold. "I was scared shitless the first time. But I manage to buckle up and rescue Chris in that mansion. The second time, when the infection hit the city, it still scared me. When death is on two legs and holding a rocket launcher with my name on it, and there's been a countdown placed on my own humanity, how could I not be? But eventually, it almost becomes just like any other boring job. Not even the nightmares make me sweat anymore."

"I… I'm sorry. If what you're saying is true… it's something no one should ever have to experience. Let alone many times." Kiryu said sympathetically as he chopped a zombie's head off and sliced another zombie in half vertically. He wondered what these zombies really were. These surely couldn't be real people Majima was sending after him. Really realistic robots, perhaps? Animatronics controlled remotely from somewhere?

Kiryu was sure Majima was on some rooftop watching them all with a remote

control in hand, just laughing at him.

Just where was Majima, anyways?

* * *

In another part of Kamurocho, in a shifty cabaret club located on Pink Street, the once glitzy and glamourous interior of the club was awash with blood and guts. A hostess with dyed-blonde pigtails and a fluffy pink dress tried to run through the charnel house that was once her workplace, as hostess and guest alike fell and rose again and ate and ate and ate all arounnd her.

"Eeeeee!" The hostess tripped because she was running in heels, and when she looked up, two zombies were standing over her.

The zombies garbled to each other in a English, a language foreign to her ear.

"Genes… how… good?" One zombie asked as the other bent over and dragged a diseased tongue along the shuddering hostess' cheek.

"Awful… unworthy of… Master Chris." The other zombie growled as its tongue retreated back into its mouth, where the jaw had almost fallen off.

"We must then… crush." The first zombie formed fists.

"Yes. Crush like… puny… boulder." The other zombie agreed.

"As… Book… of Redfield… decree." The two zombies lunged at the hostess. She closed her eyes and screamed. But no teeth and scraping nails dug into her skin. All she had to feel was the pounding of her own heart. Then she heard it. Flesh being annihilated, penetrated and shredded into scraps. And above it all, gunfire and the whooping hollars of a man as mad as a dog.

She peeked through her fingers. A glorious sight, even when obscured, awaited her.

Goro Majima, holding a baseball bat wrapped in razor-wire and with two blades embedded at the very top, laughed as he beat in zombie head after zombie head, as his family members provided covering fire for him.

"Geez, the service in these kinda joints really went downhill once I stopped workin' 'em, huh?" Majima wryly remarked.

"You're… you're…" The hostess looked up at her savior in all his bare-chested, bloody one-eyed glory. "The Lord of the Night himself!"

(Now that's a name I haven't heard or thought about in a long long time.) Majima thought as he slide towards a few more zombies. He pulled out his tanto blade and sliced at their legs as he slid past, taking the limbs off and sending the zombies to the ground.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Majima cackled as he quickly stood up and bashed in the zombie's heads as he towered over them.

"I think we've secured the joint!" One of his men yelled out as he gunned down the last zombie in sight.

"They're… they're…" The hostess wept as she surveyed the wreckage and death around her. "My co-workers and guests are all dead!"

"Mmm-hmm… well, since they're all too dead to tip… here ya go." Majima tossed a fat wad of cash at the hostess. She looked at the money and only started crying harder.

(Huh, that used to solve these kinda problems. It really ain't the 80s no more.) Majima shook his head.

"Boss!" Another of Majima's low-level goons burst in, sweaty and caked in zombie blood. "I was scroungin' around for supplies when I…"

"What is it, kid? I'm trying to help a lady out here!" Majima impatiently asked as he tried to calm down the panicked hostess. It'd been years since he had to deal with these kinds of gals, but some of the old tricks were coming back to him.

"I… spotted him! Kiryu Kazuma!" The goon eagerly informed him.

"KIRYU-CHAAAAAN? Where?" Majima stuffed one final fat stack of bills into the hostess' sobbing mouth, hoping that this would be the fix to whatever was eatin' her. Heh, eat. What a belly-cracker he'd just made. In hearing the name of the Eternal Rival, he'd forgotten her woes already.

"In Theater Square, boss! It seems he thinks you started all this, just to get at him!"

"Ha ha ha! If only!" Majima forced a chuckle.

"So what's the M.O., boss?" His men looked to him for an answer.

"You leave the big decisions to me. The rest of ya'll… spread out! Stay alive and help out whoever else is still standin' in this town gone to hell!" Majima ordered, holding his tanto out to the door. "Hey, wait a sec!"

Majima's eyes narrowed at the watch on the elbow of his low-level goon, the one who had brought him the news.

"Why's your watch on the other arm today?" Majima accused.

"No, no, no! It ain't what it looks like!" The underling protested.

"I don't think so! It's exactly what it looks like!" Majima ripped the watch off and the feeling in the room sank even more than it already had. The hostess screamed at the gaping bite mark on the man's arm.

Majima sighed. He had lost several men already, but this was the first tonight he was faced with this predicament.

(I've played House of the Dead enough times to know where the hell this is going.) Majima shook his head.

"Boss… I'm so sorry! There was just too many! Wait, maybe it ain't like it is in the movies!" The bitten goon stammered, thinking of excuses to cling onto life just a little longer.

"Don't bullshit. We've all seem 'em rising tonight. Don't be a goddamn crybaby about it. Ain't nobody in Goro Majima's employ a goddamn crybaby. So chin up. I'll make it quick, kid." Majima shook his head and reeling in the poor bitten man close. True to his word, he made it quick with his tanto.

When he was done, Majima tossed the watch to another of his men.

"When this is done, bury the watch with him. And don't think about pocketin' it for yourself. I'll know." Majima adjusted his jacket. "Now if you'll excuse me, I got me a date with Kiryu-chan~~~!"

* * *

"We need to get supplied!" Jill yelled to Kiryu. Their weapons had about worn out their use and the zombies were getting to be a bit too much for them. So they were now running, running for their lives. "Where can a lady get herself a fresh batch of guns and ammo in this town?"

"Just follow me!" Kiryu motioned as he took the lead. He hoped that the establishment was still standing and open for business at the moment.

Managing to lose the undead on the heels, they arrived at a Chinese restaurant called The Dragon & Tiger that was located in the metaphorical armpit of Kamurocho.

"What the hell!" Kiryu said as he saw giant "CLOSED" and "CONDEMNED" signs plastered all over the restaurant's storefront. Kiryu noticed a bum drinking across from the restaurant. "What happened?"

"Er… I tried to take a poo in the middle of the restaurant one day when the health inspector did a surprise inspection." The bum muttered sheepishly. "Oom, and one thing led to another. It turned out the owner was engaging in weapons trafficking on the side so then the cops hauled him off after the city closed the place. Oh I've been having to poo on the streets and filthy public bathrooms ever since!"

"Plan B it is then!" Kiryu and Jill ran off again, leaving the somewhat confused bum alone to his likely fate as zombie chow.

* * *

Plan B took them to a storefront in another part of town. This storefront wasn't exactly a place of elite repute, as the flashy posters of sexy girls posing in the windows might imply. A clientele that was mostly varying degrees of horny and frustrated male with a few curious females of the bisexual or homosexual-orientation popping in every now or then.

"I know we're probably gonna die or whatever, but this is no time for a hard-on." Jill wagged her finger at Kiryu as he walked to the door.

"If you're embarrassed to be seen in there, you can just wait outside." Kiryu sternly said as he walked in.

Little did Jill Valentine know, but overpriced smut mags and vids weren't the only items that the erotic shop sold.

Ask the clerk if they had a certain video in stock, and you might just win a peek at the "special" inventory.

However, Kiryu quickly came out as soon as he had come in. A flushed expression was on his face.

"The missus see you in there?" A bemused Jill asked.

"No… not that. The store… they sold out. I can't believe it. The clerk told me everyone just rushed in for the guns and gear." Kiryu shook his head. "People are really taking this zombie apocalypse of yours seriously."

"Now do you believe me?" Jill demanded.

Kiryu shrugged. It began to rain, and for a moment, he pondered if Jill wasn't acting crazy about this. That maybe this wasn't another one of Majiima's elaborate pranks. Kamurocho had suddenly become a near-lifeless ground zero for terror, with whatever pockets of life remaining in the district collapsing into anarchy.

Military helicopters flew overhead. In the distance, spotlight towers for checkpoints swept the streets.

"Well, I hope you have a Plan C. 'Cause I doubt we're gonna scrape by on our good looks and fisticuffs alone." Jill said. "It would be handy… right about now."

Another pack of zombies sprinted at them, through a street that was suddenly infested with the things. Their decaying, discolored flesh was red and the rain turned into steam as it hit their skin. These zombies were like blind bulldozers, as they tore through their fellow undead to barrel towards the closest living things in sight: Jill and Kiryu.

"Oh no, they've got mutations too?" Jill observed. "Crimson Heads, just great!"

"Get ready to run… I'll try to hold them off." Kiryu readied his fists.

However, before anything could happen, a police car blaring its siren swerved out of nowhere and into the Crimson Heads, killing them all. The police car skidded to a stop right in front of Kiryu and Jill, and the siren turned off. A young cop in a blue jacket over a white shirt and black tie stepped out from the driver's seat.

"Kiryu! It's good to see you! I was bringing in a gun trafficking suspect when all went to hell, and it's nice to see a familiar face in this mess!" The cop waved. Jill looked and in the back of the car there was the form of a prisoner sitting there.

"Do I… know you?" Kiryu squinted. The cop was acting as if Kiryu knew him.

"Kiryu, this is no time for jokes! It's me, Tanimura!" The cop claimed.

(Bullshit. I know Tanimura. And this man definitely isn't Tanimura.) Sure, he was wearing the exact same clothes as Tanimura Kiryu knew, but everything else wasn't! The face, the voice, even the hair - it was all wrong! If this was really Tanimura, it was like he'd been magically replaced overnight by some perverse alteration!

"Majima put you up to this, didn't he? Next time, tell your boss to hire a better casting director!" Kiryu thrust an accusing finger at the alleged Tanimura.

"What are you talking about, Kiryu-san? I'm the Tanimura you've always known!" Tanimura protested. "And I… no, the whole police department of Kamurocho - need your help!"

"You don't need to impersonate someone I know just to get my help! All you have to do is ask nicely!" Kiryu sighed.

Kiryu and "Tanimura" awkwardly stared at each other for a few minutes.

"Okay, so what did you need help with?" Kiryu asked.

"The military's not letting anyone in or out of Kamurocho. So the chiefs figured to gather up all the cops and any volunteers, to make one final stand against these flesh-munchin' freaks." "Tanimura" explained. "So, are you with meaaaaaaaargh!"

Without warning, a long tongue wrapped around "Tanimura" and he was yanked upwards screaming. Kiryu looked up in time to see a large frog-like shape with a head like an exposed brain scurry up the side of a rooftop and disappear with "Tanimura" in tow.

(I guess I shouldn't have wasted so much time grilling him over his identity.) Kiryu held his chin in thought. "At least we got a free car out of it."

"Fuck. Lickers too." Jill sighed as the two got in. "This is just gonna be another one of those nights, ain't it."

"What's a licker?" Kiryu asked as he started driving. He wish he had a third arm about now, to cover his nose. The car stunk of rotten food, dirty clothes, and a body that had not been bathed for decades.

"The viruses that create zombies… tend to cause mutagenic side-effects here and there. And they don't go down as easily as your average dead walker."

"I believe I can help with that." The prisoner in the back suddenly spoke up in severely accented Japanese, leaning directly against the glass pane separating the two halves of the police car. He was a ragged, hooded man who stooped as he sat. So that was where the smell was coming from, Kiryu deduced. "I got some rare things on sale, stranger."

"Just who are you?" Jill asked.

"Me? I'm just a simple merchant whose business trip went very wrong. Stop the car and let me out. The officer who confiscated my wares put them in the trunk of this very vehicle."

* * *

"My god. Christmas, my birthday, and Japanese New Year all came at once." Jill's eyes widened as Kiryu popped the trunk open and she saw the Merchant's arsenal.

Not just simple pea-shooters. Grenades of all sorts, atop of mountains of ammo. Riot shotguns, military-grade assault weapons, these weren't even the deadliest toys in the shop right now. If she was a spokeswoman for the National Rifles Association, she would be so so fucking wet right now.

"We'll take all of them." Jill snapped her fingers.

"Okay then, stranger. Cash or credit?" The Merchant asked.

"Nani?" (What?) Kiryu turned his head.

"Bitch, we're in another zombie apocalypse and you got the gall to charge us for the means to fight back? How does that make you feel, capitalist scum?" Jill glared at the Merchant.

The Merchant chuckled and shrugged. "Hey hey, calm down. No need to get mad, stranger. I got to eat too, just like the undead. Facts don't care about feelings."

"Well, here's another fact." Jill cracked her knuckles. "You're currently handcuffed, and I'm not."

"Oh no." The Merchant said.

Jill then knocked him out with one punch.

"Alright, Kiryu!" She flashed him the okay sign. "Grab as much as you can carry!"

* * *

"What do you need that for?" Kiryu asked as he watched Jill hoist the rocket launcher up and sling it around her shoulders, while he checked the assault rifles he had picked up. "Can helicopters be zombified, too?"

"Infested choppers? Not to my knowledge, but there's a first for anything." Jill replied as she lovingly straddled the RPG. (It's always good to see an old friend.)

"Let's get moving then. Shall we track down that final stand of the police that the Tanimura impersonator mentioned?" Kiryu proposed.

"Hell no." Jill shook her head. "Last stands in large numbers never end well."

"Then what do we do? We've been running around like headless chickens for hours!" Kiryu asked. A zombie ran up to them as they chatted, and Jill whipped out a large revolver and blew what remained of its brains out.

"It's simple, really. We take the fucking fight to Redfield." Jill put her revolver back in its holster and then cocked a shotgun she was holding. "Let's get moving."

At that precise moment, the earth shook without warning.

(Nani? An earthquake, now?) Kiryu thought as he tried to maintain his balance. The earth kept shaking. Cars bounced up and down with the shakes. What wasn't nailed down went flying. And the noise. Like great explosions in the distance. Getting louder. And getting closer.

And there was barking too. The barking of dogs. But something was wrong about the barks.

(It's coming from behind us! What is it?) Kiryu turned around to look.

Right as he did, a great boulder attached a chain came crashing down. Right on the abandoned police car and where the unconscious Merchant were. They went up in flames.

"What the fuck is that?" Jill asked.

Over the smoke and flames, the new menace came into view. If it had once been a man, any pretenses of humanity had long been lost in an escalation of mutation.

The monstrosity stood ten feet tall, was wrapped in a mixture of rags and bondage gear with a giant sack barely covering its head, which was all scaly and rotting like a zombie dinosaur. Tubes popped out of holes connecting the head. Coursing red fluid traveled through the tubes. Unnatural amounts of muscles. In one arm the monstrosity held a three-headed flail, each with a giant boulder attached. In the other arm, the monstrosity held on a leash two undead dogs just chomping for their pound of flesh. And mounted on its back and poking out over its shoulders were missile launchers.

(Remember when the worst I had to worry about was some big guy with a rocket launcher?) Jill sighed.

"These fucking virus biohazards just get…" She struggled to find the right words to express her exasperation. "...gah!"

"Now would be a good time to use that!" Kiryu referenced Jill's RPG as he raised an assault rifle and started firing at the monstrosity. The bullets had about as much effect as using water to wash up an oil spill. The monstrosity then let go of its leash and two hounds from hell charged towards the two.

"Why? I only have one rocket! You never waste a rocket before the end!" Jill retorted as the two dove away as the monstrosity began lobbing its own missiles at them. The zombie dogs jumped through the fires of the explosion.

"Aah!" The dog pinned Kiryu right as he landed from his dive. Kiryu, with all his strength, tried to hold the dog at bay as its undead jaws snapped at him.

"Get off!" Kiryu, in a move of desperation, head-butted the dog. Gaining momentum, he threw the dog off and got hold of his rifle again, jamming the barrel right into the dog's mouth. Pulling the trigger, Kiryu shredded the zombie dog right as the other zombie dog reached him. With a quick snap of the leg, Kiryu kicked the zombie dog and sent it skidded.

Howling, the other zombie dog was undeterred and lunged at Kiryu again.

The zombie dog pulled its jaws apart, but right before it bit Kiryu, Kiryu tiger dropped it out of instinct.

The counter-punch split the zombie dog in two and its divided halves flew apart in opposite directions, trailing guts everywhere.

Meanwhile, Jill was running, dodging swings of boulders and missiles from the monstrosity. Trying to get closer while trying to stay alive.

Redfield Rex, was what she was calling it. Based on the dinosaur head, and her suspicions regarding the origins of this sudden zombie outbreak.

A light bulb went off in Jill's head as she saw the Redfield Rex loading a fresh batch of missiles.

Jill ran up a truck. She did a jumping flip over another swing of boulder from the Redfield Rex. As the boulder collided into the truck, it exploded, propelling Jill through the air. Jill, with her shotgun in hand, fired as she flew over the missiles.

The ensuing big explosion sent the Redfield Rex flying right towards Kiryu, while blazing. Screeching, the Redfield Rex extended and opened a burning clawed hand towards Kiryu

"Watch what you're doing!" Kiryu chastised Jill, right before he tiger dropped the Redfield Rex once again using nothing but instinct, knocking it down. The Redfield Rex's neck cracked as it landed.

"Hmmmpf!" Kiryu grunted as without seconds to spare, he grabbed the giant boulder that was at the end of Redfield Redfield's flail and lifted it up, before slamming it down onto the monstrosity's head. The Redfield Rex's head was buried underneath its own boulder.

"Huh. That was easier than I thought. Let's get moving!" Kiryu said to Jill but as soon as they turned around, the Redfield Rex burst through the boulder in a howling rage. The boulder dust explosion knocked Kiryu and Jill forward onto their bellies. The Redfield Rex lifted itself out of the pit that Kiryu had made when he smashed it with the boulder, a bent and burnt deformity kept walking only by its sheer murderous drive.

"You and your fat mouth." Jill tsk'ed. She and Kiryu lifted their firearms as the Redfield Rex advanced on them, only for everyone to stop in their tracks when they heard a whistle from above.

"Oh no…" Kiryu recognized the whistle. His eyes darted to a building where he had heard the whistle originate. It was the base of the Millennium Tower and he looked way up until he spotted on the roof of the skyscraper:

"Yo! Kiryu-chan~~~~~!" Majima stood proud atop the Millennium Tower, with his tanto in one hand and his baseball bat held by the other over his shoulder. "Saved some for me? Ya shouldn't have!"

"Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Laughing, Majima sheathed his weapons before reaching into his pockets and pulling out tons of throwing knives.

(What's he planning?) Kiryu thought as the Redfield Rex roared at the new intruder.

Majma flung knives from atop the Millennium Tower down at the Redfield Rex. The monstrosity roared as sharp tiny metal rained down from the skies, piercing what flesh it had left.

"I think we should run now." Kiryu tugged on Jill's shoulder, only for two throwing knives to land at their feet.

"Don't go anywhere, Kiryu-chan! I'm coming right to you!" Majima laughed as he threw the rest of his knives and then began running down the side of the building, with his arms held behind him as he did.

"Nani." (What.) Kiryu blinked.

With a springing jump, Majima cackled as he twirled through the air towards the Redfield Rex. Ripping out his tanto, Majima cut into the Redfield Rex as he collided with it, cutting and cutting until he had carved a mutated mockery of a heart out of it.

Majima flung the heart onto the ground, before squishing it with a gruesome pop with his baseball bat.

Behind him, the Redfield Rex fell for good at last, exploding for good measure. Majima, of course, did not look back at the explosion.

"Surprised to see me, Kiryu-chan? And who's the mixed gal ya got with ya?" Majima pointed at Jill. Then out of nowhere, he spoke up in perfect English. "Name's Goro Majima."

"Uh… hi."

"What the hell Majima? You know English?" An exasperated Kiryu spoke up.

"Oh, I know a lotta languages. Ya want me to run ya the list or what?"

"How?" Kiryu demanded.

"Hey, I used to run some of the biggest clubs in Japan! Part of my cash flow was tourist money. It ain't good customer service to not know what the hell a customer's sayin'! Now answer me this, Kiryu, what are you up to?"

"My companion here, Jill Valentine, seems to have an idea of where this zombie outbreak all started. Maybe how to stop it even. We were on our way there, before that… thing interrupted us. Though…" Kiryu rubbed his chin a bit before jabbing an accusing finger at Majima. "...how do I know you weren't responsible for this?"

"Oh, still not over when I pretended to be a zombie to fight ya and you actually thought I was undead?" Majima laughed. "Kiryu, you've been fighting actual undead for… however long you've been doing it. Not my own men and out of work actors I ponied up. Can actors do that?"

Majima pointed to an alleyway, where a corpse was rising in the shadows.

"Hmm... yes they can! Besides, starting an actual zombie outbreak to bother me isn't out of bounds for you, I think!" Kiryu retorted.

"Now that ya mention it, it does piss me off that someone got the bright idea to do it before I did." Majima scowled. "So if you're headin' in their way to kick their ass, ya got my bat!"

Majima hopped between Kiryu and Jill, clamping his arms around their shoulders.

"Majima... we don't really need your help." Kiryu protested.

"Ya don't get a choice in the matter, Kiryu-chan." Majima whispered, squeezing his hand tightly against Kiryu's shoulder. "I'm sure this mixed minx over here won't mind."

"Oh, I'm Team Goro. Some extra bait for the zombies might be useful to have." Jill said.

"Ooh-hoo! Gotta smartmouth on ya, huh? I like this one, Kiryu!" Majima snorted as Jill rolled her eyes.

(Blargh... I wonder how Leon's doing…)

* * *

"Wuh… wuzzat… whereamI?" Leon mumbled as his eyes slowly flickered awake. He'd been in a deep slumber for what felt like sometime. As his vision cleared, he noticed he was facing the skies. He could see no stars, just darkness that sprawled forever. He was being carried, and he was in a T-Pose like Jesus. Or Tobey Maguire in Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 2, and for Leon's money it was still the best of the bunch when discounting the cartoon one. With a shudder, he realized that the hands that carried him were dead. Four of them. Zombies that weren't trying to eat him for a change, but taking him somewhere. Carrying Leon past buildings darkened and buildings ablaze poking upwards that jutted into the lifeless blanket of smog that was the sky.

(How did I get here? Fuck, that crazy thot Jill was right. Maybe the power of love only goes so far without a lot of bullets to back it up.)

"Pipe down, Leon." The zombie spoke up in a thick Japanese accent. "We have arrived at our destination. Master Redfield will see you shortly."

The top of the BSAA Japan HQ's building then came into view, along with the tops of giant boulders that had been set up everywhere. Leon could hear rotten fists colliding against stone. The zombies were trying to punch boulders? Who else punched boulders that he knew? Leon made a quick guess as to what was happening.

"Master Redfield? Chris has pet zombies? What the fudging fudge!" Leon realized then that the zombies weren't holding onto him so tightly. Afraid of damaging the merch, perhaps? With a quick twist, he spiralled out of their hold and sent them flying like debris around a shockwave.

One zombie landed on top of a fence, impaling itself on the spikes. Another went through a thick glass window and was shredded by the jagged edges.

"I guess I should thank you for bringing me right to Chris so I rip off his Redfield lineage and stuff it up his nose myself!" Leon said to the last two zombies as he leapt up like he was playing hop-scotch and landed on their hands before they could get up, squishing them.

Hundreds of zombies that were training to punch boulders stopped what they were doing and shuffled around to gaze at Leon hungrilly.

"The lost messiah! The worthy genes returns!" They started closing in.

"I don't think so!" Leon began running towards the entrance of the building. "I'm here to save my waifu and you undead punks aren't stopping me!"

Leon then heard a familiar noise. He looked up to see perched atop a boulder a licker, and it was a big fucking licker. Like it took regular baths in liquid steroids.

"WE CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, LEON!" Chris' voice came on over speakers in the court of boulders. "GET HIM AND BRING HIM TO ME GIFT-WRAPPED!"

At that, the licker pounced towards Leon.

"No way fag!" Leon grabbed the Licker by the tongue and swung him around. As the tongue unfurled, the licker slammed through boulders and zombies, destroying everything. Leon then reeled the licker back in using its own tongue, before using said tongue to also strangle the licker. He squeezed so hard he popped the licker's head off.

"I hope you're seeing this, Chris! 'Cause if you've hurt Ada in any way… your dick'll be joinin' his head!" Leon said as he tossed the decapitated licker aside.

"WOAH LEON I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST ASSUMED THAT LICKER'S GENDER!" The flabbergasted Chris said over the speakers as Leon entered the BSAA HQ.

* * *

In the deserted lobby, Leon saw that two signs with arrows pointing the way had been set up. Each arrow pointed to a different elevator.

Left Arrow - Stupid Chinese Bitch.

Right Arrow - My Sexy All-American Perfect Little Sister.

Leon walked up to the signs, then looked at the elevators that the signs were pointing to.

"Nice try, Chris! Nooooot!" Leon kicked the signs down before heading towards the right elevator.

(God damn Leon, how did you know?) Chris thought as he watched Leon's progress over the cam feeds. (But no matter. I've got a little surprise waiting for him down there.)

Leon rode the elevator to the BSAA containment level. His heart burst with both excitement and dread. Excitement at seeing Ada again after so long, and dread at what that barbarian Chris might've done to her. But maybe she'd be grateful for the rescue. Maybe finally do things like kiss and hold hands.

However, nothing would've prepared Leon to the first thing he saw as the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

"Uh… Leon…" A nervous teenage girl's voice. A familiar blonde stood before him, with a fearful look in her eyes. What was she so scared of? Leon recognized her almost instantly.

"Sherry! What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry Leon! I wanted nothing to do with this but Chris threatened me with permanent bodily harm if I didn't help him!" Sherry Birkin stammered.

"That monster! Is there no low he won't sink to? To threaten a little angel like you, Sherry!" Leon clenched his fists. "Another thing to make him pay for!"

"But the others… they didn't need to be threatened!"

"Wait, what others?" Leon then realized that the fear in her eyes was a warning. To him.

The voice of the eternally irritating banshee then struck his earbuds. They felt like they were bleeding.

"LEOOOOOOOON! HELLLLLLLLP!" Another blonde stepped into view, shoving Sherry Birkin aside. "How's that for a trip down memory lane, Leon?"

"Oh fuck no! Ashley, what the fuck are you doing here?" Leon said as a rush of bad memories flooded him. He really shouldn't have listened to the President, he should've let the Ganados have her. In hindsight the President probably would've thanked him for that. As bad as his experience was, Leon wasn't the one who had to raise Ashley after all.

Ashley rubbed her palms.

"Oh, Chris promised me something long overdue that you owe me." Ashley Graham smacked her lips.

"In your dreams, fag!" Leon uppercutted Ashley into the roof and continued running.

"Run away, Leon! You're doing exactly what they want!" Sherry yelled.

"Sorry, but my Pan-Ada is in there!" Leon yelled back.

Leon continued to run deeper into the floor, dodging R-Virus experiments and BSAA personnel as he did. His life didn't matter now, not as much as hers did. He had to find her. He had to save Ada. And maybe fuck her at the end of it, too.

"Better watch where you're going, Flashy Flash." Leon heard the droll voice of a gal who sounded like that Laura Bailey chick who's in all the video games and anime. Uh-oh, why did that voice also sound so familiar? And it wasn't just because Leon really liked [insert your favorite Laura Bailey thing here].

A lady's leg stuck itself out where he was running.

"Whatthefuck" Leon tripped and landed flat on his face.

"Miss me? Hell, remember me?" Leon felt someone climbing onto his back. She roughly straddled his cheeks, tugged at his hair, while grinding up and down on him with her crotch. "I'll give you a refresher. You helped me kill my sister Deborah, yeah? When I saw you shooting her and setting her on fire… gawd Leon, you made me so wet."

"Ewwwwww!" Leon almost threw up. "Oh Jesus, it's you! Hillary Hooper!"

The woman turned him around, slamming him down on his back. Leon found himself looking up into the irate face of a brunette dressed in a black vest and pants over a white shirt.

"HELENA HARPER!" The woman stomped on him and grinded. Leon shrieked. "Motherfucker, we were together for an entire zombie apocalypse! I saved your ass, you saved my ass, and we kicked a lot of ass! But you can't even get my name right! Ooh, but you'll definitely remember my name when I'm done with you. You'll remember all our names."

Helena whistled. Another woman joined her. A fellow dark-haired beauty, this one wearing glasses. Leon's eyes widened, his jaws dropping at the betrayal.

"Hunnigan… no… why…"

"Leon." Hunnigan tsk'ed, tilted her glasses, and winked at him. "You think a woman could spend her entire career listening to your sexy voice and not get horny for you? Why waste your life chasing the phantom of some unrequited love when your true love spoke constantly into your very ear, Leon?"

"SHE'S NOT A PHANTOM! SHE'S REAL AND YOU THOTS ARE KEEPING ME FROM HER!" Leon shouted as he struggled, but Helena kept him pinned down with fierce tightness.

"Leon, I love it when my dessert fights back!" Helena laughed.

Hunnigan took a needle and syringe out from her pocket. Ashley joined them, with the reluctant Sherry in tow.

"Oh, she'll definitely be a phantom soon enough." Helena giggled hatefully. "But not until we have some long overdue fun with you, loverboy."

Helena pet Leon's hair like he was some dog as she transitioned to sitting on him.

"Until then, have a quick nap." Helena whispered into his ear as Hunnigan injected the needle in his neck.

Leon felt himself blacking out. He tried to fight it, keep awake, but resistance was futile.

(No… Ada… I won't fail you. I love you. This is not the e


	6. The Penultimate Chapter

**A beach somewhere in Okinawa**

(Ah, this is the life. Kiryu, you oughta ask me for favors like this more often.)

Shun Akiyama, wearing a pair of aviators and wearing nothing but a pair of red swim trunks, relaxed as he sat back on a beach chair. He had a shot glass of whiskey in hand and a cigarette in the other, and he watched the ocean waves turn black and the sands turn red as the sun set before him.

It was looking like it was going to be just another week in the life for him until Kiryu had suddenly called him out of the blue one night and requested he drop everything he was doing and head to Okinawa to look after that orphanage of his while Kiryu got busy with… well, Kiryu had gotten too embarrassed to answer and Akiyama didn't feel like pressing a friend.

Akiyama had been somewhat reluctant to just head out on such short notice, but Kiryu had promised to owe him not one but two favors. Now, that was a bargain he couldn't argue with.

A few train and ferry rides later, here he was.

(Besides, how often do I get the excuse to just get away like this?) Akiyama sipped his whiskey before taking a slow drag on his cigarette.

Hana had chided him for abandoning his duties at Sky Finance, predictably, but with some convincing had acquiesced. He'd called her earlier to see how she was doing and had only gotten some bizarre moaning on the other end when someone finally picked up. A voice that he did not recognize had said something to him in English before the line cut off. What had it been?

(Yuu… gee-eens… sounduu… paa-sheeeeh-tick?) He wish he knew what it meant.

Something weird was going on back home, that much he had guessed. There'd been a lot of military ships and planes, domestic and foreign, passing by earlier. In the direction of Tokyo. He hoped that whatever it was, he could just sit it out for once.

He felt a tap on his shoulder.

Akiyama titled his glasses down and saw a concerned young teenage girl standing above him. It was Kiryu's adopted gal, Haruka.

"Akiyama-san, you have to come now. It's Kamurocho. The news on the TV says the dead are rising! Kiryu's still there so he's in trouble!"

(Me and my big mental mouth. Wait… what's that about the dead rising?)

"I'm sure he's fine. Kiryu can handle himself, remember?"

"The dead rising!" Haruka reminded him.

"Haruka, it's probably just the news making mountains outta molehills again for views. Some poor homeless fellow probably just woke up from a rough nap unexpectedly or something. Sensationalist sleazebags, the lot of them!" Akiyama looked at Haruka, and saw she didn't buy it at all.

"What if it is real, though! And what if Kiryu needs help! See it for yourself!" Haruka started running back to the orphanage.

"Alright, kid, if you insist." Akiyama tried to play it cool, even as he got up from his chair and found himself running after Haruka.

* * *

**Deleted Scene (Restored for Director's Cut)**

Kiryu and Majima were busy picking apart the deserted Don Quijote for some extra supplies. Jill was elsewhere in the store doing the same thing. Even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, that catchy jingle of the store continued to play.

"Say, Majima, I noticed that you've been referring to Jill as a mix. I've seen some of those in my time and she looks pretty white to me." Kiryu commented. "Whiter than a triple scoop of vanilla ice cream."

Majima shrugged. "I read the wiki, Kiryu. Both of 'em. Just parroting what they said. Would a wiki really lie?"

"Nani." (What.) Kiryu blinked. "What's a wiki? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, it's an Internet thing. I wouldn't worry about it." Hearing Majima's response, Kiryu decided it wasn't an important detail anyways and got back to shifting through the shelves in search of Mountain Dew. The moment Kiryu's attention was lost, Majima turned to look at the reader and shrugged.

* * *

Leon was having a nice dream. No, it was more than nice. It was heaven.

_The Umbrella Corporation and its legacy of biohazards had been defeated for good and the world was ready to enter a new era of prosperity and peace. Claire Redfield had given up on ever scoring with him and had run off to begin a lesbian relationship with Barry Burton's daughter of all people. And then the Federal Government declared boulders a protected group and Chris Redfield had been locked up for hate crimes. For life._

_The Redfield Lineage would never bother him again._

_As the dream shifted, Leon took Ada to the rim of the ruins that surrounded the big crater that had once been Raccoon City. The town of the night they had met._

_"Why'd you bring me here, Leon?"_

_"For closure. That damn night's been dogging us all long after it ended." Leon explained as they watched the sun set amidst the desolation. "I thought of a way to prove that it's finally the day after for us. To show that we survived the horror."_

_"Gawking at some destroyed buildings like we're on vacation is the way?"_

_"No. This is." Leon then got on his knees and reached into his pocket. "Will you marry me, Ada?"_

_Ada smiled, blushing at the right of the ring that Leon held before her. "Yes!"_

_Ada then jumped onto Leon, wrapping her legs around his back as he held onto her tightly._

_"Let's forget the ceremony and get to the fun part!" Ada put her hands all over his chest and back._

_"Wait, I left my condoms in the motel room!" Leon remembered._

_"Who cares? No protection can protect the world from what our love will make." Ada chuckled as she began to undo his shirt and Leon started peeling off the red jacket she wore._

_They kissed and made love in the ruins._

* * *

"Ooh yes yes yes yes!" Leon was rocking sensually in his sleep, until a foot sharply stamped down on his shoulders.

The act proceeded to manifest within the dream. _While Dream Leon was busy engaging in carnal relations with Dream Ada, Chris Redfield suddenly burst out of the Earth digging with a shovel, dressed in a cartoonishly oversized and stereotypical black and white-striped prison outfit._

_"GUESS WHO'S BACK, HONEY BITCHES OF OATS." Chris Redfield dragged himself out of his hole. And from the hole, he pulled out a giant boulder that was on fire. With the flames of vengeful hellfire._

_"YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKED MY SISTER WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!" The nightmare Redfield yelled before he slammed the boulder down on a screaming Leon mid-coitus._

"NOOOOOOwie!" Another stamp on his shoulder jolted Leon awake. He tried to move his arms but found them bound. Behind his back. He tried to get up, but couldn't. He was in a room that was totally darkened, with the exception of one lightbulb above him. He'd been tied to some kind of chair, and moreover, there was a pretty heavy weight on his shoulders. Someone was standing on him? Leon looked up, that much he could do by notching his head back slightly, and his mouth dropped.

It was Ada's legs that were perched atop him. Ada was wearing the red dress. Not much was underneath.

Even confused and disoriented as he was, Leon found himself getting… well, he was but a man.

"Calm down, Leon. Stop rocking or it'll be my head." Ada had been handcuffed and a noose had been placed around her neck. If the chair Leon was strapped into had fallen over, well it was curtains for one Ada Wong.

"I'm sorry, Ada! Forgive me, queen!" Leon stammered, feeling as guilty as he was pleasured. "I was coming here to save you from Chris!"

"...nice job." Ada said sarcastically.

"You know what's going on? Last thing I remember is running into a.. Oh god, a Legion of Super-Thots."

"I imagine all those spurned, unrequited lovers of yours are going to burst in here any moment. They'll probably kill me, and then do slimy sexual things to you. Or the other way around." Leon made a disgusted noise at the thought of that.

"I hope you don't think any less of me!" Leon pleaded. "There was never anything going on with any of them! I only ever had a vacant room in the Hotel of my Heart for you!"

(Christ, he's still awful at pick-up..) Ada rolled her eyes. "Leon, I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything for you, my Perfect Fortune Cookie of Bliss!"

(Leon… you look dashing as ever… but then as ever, you keep talking…) "I'll need you to distract them long enough for me to Houdini my way outta these cuffs."

* * *

"I always wondered what this building was for when I passed it. Never could've imagined something so sinister was in plain sight." Kiryu commented as he laid eyes upon the BSAA Japan Headquarters from across the street, from inside a deserted pizza joint.

"It's gonna be heavily defended, inside and out." Jill told him. "And If Leon's already arrived, Chris is gonna have the security ramped all the way up to eleven."

Suddenly there were chewing noises behind them. Alert, Jill and Kiryu swung around with their guns ready, hitting the flashlight attachments as they did.

"Hey! Watch it!" It was just Majima, stooped over abandoned pizza boxes and trays that he had gathered up. He was digging into the cold slices with the gusto of the starving man..

"Seriously? Now? You were supposed to be keeping watch, not stuffing yourself!" Kiryu looked at Majima and chastised him. "Were you just looking for pizza instead?"

"Even cold, this pizza is some damn good stuff! No other parlor in Japan matches it!" Majima defended himself, before stuffing another slice into his mouth and talking while chewing. "I may very well get eaten or turned into one of 'em! A man needs a last slice! Or slices!"

"Baka!" Jill pulled the trigger on her gun.

"Huzzat?" Majima blinked as the bullet went past him and into the head of a crawling zombie that had been approaching him.

"Do your job or the next one's going into your pizza." Jill threatened.

"Yes ma'am." Majima nodded but took one final bite, chewing loudly and impetuously.

Jill shot the pizza.

* * *

"Hey, do you hear that?" Leon asked Ada.

"Hard to focus with you jabbering in my ear, Leon." Ada was in the process of trying to uncuff herself which was easier said than done with a noose around her neck and only lovestruck old Leon around for company.

"No, listen!" Leon tried to focus. It was faint, but it was sure. It sounded like Ashley Graham, the second of the great woman deceivers who had tried to stray him from the path that led to Ada. She was screaming something. It sounded like the familiar old cry of…

"LEON! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!"

"Huh. Why's she crying for my help when she got me into this mess to begin with?" Leon wondered.

"LEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!"

"God! Even when muffled Ashley still grates the nerves!" Leon spat. "I can't believe that hoe thought there was even a chance of me fucking her!"

"Hmm… that's not all I'm hearing." Ada spoke up. "Is it just me or is she currently being violated? Very lethally?"

"Now that you mention it." Leon listened for a bit, and Ada was right, it did sound like in-between screams someone's flesh was being penetrated by very sharp objects. Probably Ashley.

"DON'T JUST SIT THERE BEING CAPTIVE! BUST OUT AND HELP MEEEEEEEE, LEEEEEEEEEOOON!" Ashley screamed, followed by the sound of a limb being chopped off.

"Self-harm isn't going to earn you my attention!" Leon yelled back. "See a psychiatrist, you annoying bitch!"

"LEON! HEEE" Abruptly, the screams cut off. There was the faint sounds of someone sawing flesh.

"Good thing I didn't vote for her dad or I'd be real sad right about now." Ada made an attempt at gallows humor.

Then footsteps from where Ashley had once been screaming. Footsteps that were getting closer.

"Ada… hug me. Let me rest my face in your bosom. I'm scared." Leon confessed.

"And how the fuck do you think I'm gonna do that?" Ada jangled her cuffed hands. "Hope you've come up with a good distraction, Leon."

The door was violently kicked open.

"What the fuck!" Leon cried as he saw standing the doorway, Helena Harper. Soaked in blood, carrying a bloody butcher's knife in one hand and Ashley's carved-off head by the hair in the other. She was grinning like a hatter. Leon's heart skipped a beat as he recognized the glasses she was now wore. It was Hunnigan's glasses, with the lens cracked and stained with blood.

Her lips curled like a jester's smile and the lips parted to reveal a leering grin.

"Here's Helena~~~!"

* * *

"I see." A grave look fell over Kiryu's face and he set his phone aside. A few minutes ago, he'd just gotten another call from Inspector Date, and it had not been pleasant news. "Damn."

"You look like someone just spit in your ramen, Kiryu." Majima noticed. "What did the good Inspector say to rankle you so?"

Majima and Jill were looking at him with some impatient curiosity. To them, it looked like he was holding up the great assault on Casa Redfield.

"He tells me that the infection has already spread to other districts of Tokyo. The Prime Minister was just put down. Things are getting dire. If no cure for the R-Virus can be found or the virus contained soon… the Americans will nuke us on the government's behalf."

Jill sighed. "Deja fucking vu. No time like the present, boys. Let's fuck Chris up."

Jill cocked her shotgun again, spun her revolver, before fastening her boots and storming out towards destiny.

"Unless we want some permanent tans… we better follow her." Kiryu managed to joke.

* * *

"Like what you see, handsome?" Helena rubbed her bloody cheek against Leon's. She then moved

"Ewwww! Get away get away!" Leon protested but he didn't budge an inch away from her.

"No struggle? Disappointing…" Helena looked up at the glaring Ada. "Oh, I see. Afraid of hanging your Chinky, amirite?"

"Don't call her that! That's a racist slur and that's bad!" Leon yelled.

"I'll call her anything I like. This… this slant-eyed seductress has kept you away from the woman to whom you rightfully belong - me!" Helena leaned up all-tippy toes and placed her bloody knife against Ada's cheek, and made a thin cut. Not too deep, just a show of threat. "Did that hurt, Ada? It'll be nothing to what I'm cooking up in here right now."

Helena pointed to her forehead.

"Like hell I belong to you! Even if I wasn't in love with Ada, you still wouldn't make my dating waitlist!" Leon shot back.

"Good distraction, Leon. Keep at it. This lock's a tricky one…" Ada whispered.

"I know, Leon. I know." Helena bitterly mused. "All cause I'm the new girl on the block. I just can't catch up to the other hearts you've broken, can I? And it's never satisfying when the new girl wins over the OGs, is it? Just look at Twin Peaks Season 2. Goddamn, where is the justice for Audrey?"

Helena crouched in front of Leon meeting him on an eye-level and smiled.

"So I decided to one-up the competition. By burying 'em in the ground. Chris Redfield… he didn't know that in bringing all us Unrequited Lovers of Leon together… he was doing the hard work for me. They were useful in subduing you, but I had no need for 'em now that you're all nice and tidy here." With some pride, Helena brandished the bloody knife with which she had done the deed. "The ex-President's spoiled daughter stood no chance against a trained agent. And Hunnigan… don't make me laugh! Little nerd fainted at the sight of blood! I'll be sure to take my time with Hunny Cunny just for kicks after I'm done with Big Bad Dragon Lady here."

"You crazy thot! Did you kill Sherry too? If you did I swear I'll…" Leon shut up abruptly, thinking of how he should finish his phrasing. He didn't want to use anything that would give this cray-cray bitch the wrong idea.

"Oh, the other blondie? I was gonna leave her alone since she's obviously not into you… but she got all indignant when I started killing everyone else. She… agh, bit me, the little brat! Then hit me square in the womanhood!" Helena waved her arms around in frustration. "She's off hiding somewhere probably… I ought to kill her just for her insolence! And y'know… better safe than sorry."

Helena blew a kiss towards Leon. He glared at her. She frowned.

"Why are you so disgusted, Leon? I'm doing all this for your love. You are… as these Japs would say in their cartoons, my senpai. From the moment we met… I've wanted you. You're an action figure come to life. God, you're so manly and yet so huggable too. Not at all like that meathead Redfield. Leon I just wanna hold you close and smother you with my breasts."

Leon almost retched.

"But you don't care about any woman except for your little China Girl. Why will you fuck her and not me? I'm fuckable! What does she have that I don't?" Helena hissed as she got up in Leon's face.

"Maybe my boy toy just recognizes a bad idea when he sees one." Ada kicked Helena in the face without warning. The blow sent her skidding onto her butt.

"Oooh, you're gonna pay for that, Oriental." Helena rubbed her wounded ass.

"Fucking hell, what is up with your racism?" Leon yelled. "This is why I don't date white girls! The moment you think the woman of color's gonna steal your man, your true hateful colors come flying out!"

"Oh please, Leon." Helena got back on her feet, her hand placed against the spot where Ada had kicked her. When she pulled it away, Leon could see a smudged, bloody cut. "You couldn't give two shits about racism. You just got an Asian fetish. You know… I bet you're also into anime and video games. Why else would you wanna date an Asian?"

"What." Leon and Ada both blankly said.

"Do I have to become a Twitch gamer girl to make you notice me?" Helena glowered. "Wear big headphones and corporate-branded sweaters, dye my hair blue, abuse my pets on live-stream? Offer you nudes? Or d'you want pics of my feet? I know you gaming anime freaks _love_ that stuff!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

(Wait a second… is she the unknown caller who keeps texting me those creepy pics?) Leon remembered.

"Surprise! I've already done it! Minority Report pre-crime, suckah!" Helena whipped out a laptop in front of Leon and opened it up to an archived Twitch stream of Helena kicking a dog while she played games like Dragon's Dogma and Binary Domain. Very badly. "Follow JusticeHarper214 on Twitch, y'all!"

(Those poor games don't deserve what she's doing to 'em.) Leon thought as he watched Helena abuse defenseless cult classics.

"I've put so much hard work in building a fanbase and developing my unique style. Yet I'm unfulfilled. It's because you aren't fucking following me on TikTok, Leon!" Helena shut the laptop.

(What the fuck is TikTok?) Leon and Ada both thought.

"I'm a girl who'll actually play video games with you, Leon. Not just play games with your heart."

"Ada plays video games with me." Leon corrected Helena. He had a brief flashback to playing Super Smash Bros with Ada. Ada was playing Snake and beating the stuffing out of Leon's Luigi, while Leon squealed and begged her to smash him harder.

"Not the way I will." Helena begged with crazed stars in her eyes, snapping Leon out of the reverie of past memories. "Please, Leon, let me kill Ada. She's the past. Let the past die and bury it."

Helena rushed up to Ada with her knife, stopping only mere scraps away from Ada's belly. She settled for carving a few holes in the fabric of her dress.

"Just a little longer, Leon! Keep her talking instead of killing…" Ada advised Leon.

"Okay, Helena." She lit up upon hearing the tone in his voice, unaware of the deception. "I'll hear you out."

"Awww Leon, I knew you would come around!" Helena's voice got all sing-song.

"Just answer me one question. Ada, answer it too. Prove which one of you's my kind of gamer girl."

"Sure! No way I can get it wrong. I'm the Ultimate Gamer Girl!" Helena cackled and rubbed her palms with glee.

* * *

Walking side by side like a trio of cool movie badasses, Kiryu Jill and Majima stepped towards the entrance of the BSAA headquarters that loomed beside them. It was eerily empty around them… not a zombie or agent in sight. Too empty. Where was the heightened security that Jill had been talking about, Kiryu wondered.

At that moment, they looked up to see a boulder coming right at them from outta nowhere. In the split second between life and death, all three dodged in scattered directions as the boulder shattered upon impact.

"Yowza!" Majima brushed the boulder dust off him. "That wasn't in the forecast for tonight!"

"Kazuma Kiryu! You still live?" A voice shouted at them from the heavens. Jill and Kiryu looked up to see Chris Redfield on the roof, holding a big megaphone, with a row of boulders lined up next to him. "I'LL RECTIFY THAT!"

Kiryu and his allies began running madly as Chris began punching more boulders off the roof at them - well, the guys at least. He couldn't bring himself to smush Jill with a boulder, in spite of her crazy recent behavior. But try as he did, Chris failed to hit Kiryu and Majima, but he came close.

"He can't punch any boulders at you once we're inside! Hurry!" Jill ordered and motioned as their mad dash almost neared the finish line.

"Who says I need boulders to stop you? I'm REDFIELD!" Chris jumped off the roof of the skyscraper and landed right in front of Jill, the shockwave of his landing blasting her back.

Jill looked up from where she landed to see Chris standing over her, while she looked down the barrel of his assault rifle.

"I'm sorry, Jill, but Leon is this close to fucking Claire. I can't afford to let anyone compromise 'em until then... even you, my very good friend." Chris regrettably informed her.

"Chris… I wanted to fuck you… but now I just wanna fuck you." Jill uttered bitterly. "All these people… all dead… just going about their lives until… what the fuck did you do to them, Chris?"

Majima and Kiryu caught up, only for Chris to fire his bullets at their feet to stop them in their tracks.

"Simple, Jill. I watched the movie Shaun of the Dead and the ending gave me a great idea. What if all these zombies and mutants that terrorized our lives for all these years could suddenly be put to work for us? I tried it with some T-Virus leftovers but domestication was impossible. It seemed like an impossible dream… until I watched Ridley Scott's modern masterpiece Alien Covenant and got an even better idea! To create my own brand of zombies to do my bidding!"

"How?"

"Oh, it was easy. Just take some old T-Virus, and then mix it with some samples of my own blood and lotsa protein powder among other secret ingredients." Chris reached into his pocket, dropped a piece of paper on the ground, and kicked it to Jill. She unfolded the paper note and saw it was a recipe for the "Redfield Virus."

Chris continued to ramble on about the glory of R-Virus. Seeing he was lost in his majesties, Kiryu and Majima nodded to each other and began to circle around to take him from behind.

"The R-Virus reprograms the will of the host to accomplish only two objectives: find a worthy match for the Redfield Lineage, and punch boulders! Alas, most genes aren't worthy so most are gonna end up purged as the programming decrees. But that's just life. Shouldn't have been born with such weaksauce genes if they didn't wanna get eaten by a Redfield Zombie."

"Chris, this fucking outbreak you started is gonna get innocent people nuked if you don't stop it now!"

"Let the nukes come. In fact, I'll just jump real high and punch those American missiles all the way to China. I'll start a nuclear world war if that's what it takes to make sure Leon fucks Claire! Their child will be there to save the survivors of the fallout and rebuild the old world!"

Chris began laughing like The Joker.

"Chris, this obsession with your lineage… it's turned you psychotic."

Chris tsk'ed.

"Psychotic? Jill, that is a three-syllable word for any thought too big for little minds that cannot comprehend that the Redfield Lineage supersedes pedestrian understandings of morality. I thought better of you, really. But then again, I never thought you were… guh… interested in me romantically! Like, ewww!"

Kiryu and Majima had gotten behind Chris and were about to move to grab him when Chris threw both his elbows back, catching them in the face.

"Nice try, failures! Noooooot!" Chris then did a double spinning kick that sent Kiryu and Majima flying.

"I'm gonna beat that R-Virus Cure outta you if that's what it takes to stop this madness!" Jill tried to tackle Chris, but he caught up and lifted her up before slamming her onto the ground.

"I don't wanna hurt you, Jill, but you leave me no choice." Chris snapped his fingers. "Subdue her, my turbo goddess!"

"Your wish is my command, Master Redfield." A slender woman hidden by a hooded shroud drove in on a motorcycle and beelined towards Jill. Jill, seeing the motorcycle hurtling right towards her. Jill did a backflip to dodge the bike, only for the hooded woman to jump off the motorcycle and hit Jill in mid-air with a flying kick. Jill went for a crash.

"Owww! What the hell?" Jill looked up as she struggled up.

"Jill, meet Project Assassinate Leon's Irritating Celibacy Efficiently! Or as I like to call her..." Chris paused dramatically. "...Project ALICE."

The hooded woman threw off her shroud, revealing a sullen woman with supermodel looks dressed up like some kind of fetishy bondage ninja.

"...what." Jill blinked. (I've seen her face before, but I don't know where! I know for sure that I've never met her… but why is her face so familiar and why does it fill me with dread?)

"My name is Alice. Chris Redfield built me in the remains of a top-secret Umbrella facility called the Hive. He had given up on ever finding a worthy woman so he decided to build himself the Perfect Woman instead through a combination of advanced genetic engineering and cyber-robotics. He handcrafted me to be the sexiest and strongest a woman could be!" Alice exposited. "You can call me Ms. Perfection. Chris agrees, especially when we do it."

(Wait… did she just say what I thought she did?) Jill's eyes started twitching.

"The idea came for me in a dream, actually. There was just one problem." Chris interjected.

"Robots and humans cannot breed." Alice explained. "No matter how perfectly I fuck him, I am not a real woman and so I cannot bear a child to continue the Redfield Lineage. But Chris doesn't take defeat for an answer. No, instead he used that brain of his and realized he could reprogram me as Project ALICE to aid in securing Leon S. Kennedy, the one man who continue the Redfield Lineage in his place.

"What d'you think, Jill? Pretty neat huh, my little robo-wife?" Chris asked, oblivious to the building rage in Valentine.

"You… you… YOU WON'T FUCK ME? BUT YOU'LL FUCK A FUCKING ROBOT? YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Jill stomped on the ground, denting the pavement. Her fists clenched and burned with metaphorical fire.

"Jill, please be reasonable about this." Chris begged. "We're friends and I expect you to understand my reasons."

"UNDERSTAND THIS!" Jill ripped out a revolver and fired all six rounds at Alice, only for the cyborg menace to snatch all the bullets out of mid-air.

"D'aww Jill are you jelly?" Alice taunted.

Kiryu and Majima at that moment ran at Chris with their fists raised screaming, but with lightning reflexes, Alice intercepted them with a pounce. She swung her leg into Majima's gut while jabbing Kiryu up the jaw, before hopping onto Majima and clamping her legs around his head. With a tilt forward, Project Alice flipped and threw Majima into Kiryu.

"Riff-raff taken care of. Now proceeding to completion of main objective." Alice whipped out dual Scorpion SMGs loaded with rubber bullets and unloaded on Jill.

"Owie owie owie! Stop that, bitch!" Jill hissed as the bullets bounced off her. She struggled through the hail of pain, raising her fist and swung it towards Alice. It caught the robo-harpy right in her pretty face. Rage exploded throughout Alice's expression as she caught Jill's follow-up with her blocking hand, before she threw Jill over her shoulder.

"Chris doesn't want me to kill you… but he said nothing about taking you to the limit of your feeble human endurance!" Alice glowered at the fallen Jill, before beckoning for her to make a move. "Go ahead, you cellulite skank, make my day."

"A real girl, warts and all, will beat some artificial focus-tested abomination like you any day of the week." Jill got back up and got into a fighting stance. "Think about that when your lights go out, cyborg cunt."

"Let us help, Ms. Valentine!" Kiryu said as he and Majima ran up, but Jill held her hand up.

"No, Kiryu. You and your friend go stop Chris. Save Kamurocho. This is a matter of personal honor for me."

Kiryu nodded, and he and Majima turned to face Chris.

"What the heck are you doing here, Kiryu?" Chris asked, disinterested. "You failed me. You failed Leon. There's nothing you can do to save him now.

"I know you can't understand me and I can't understand you, American, but Kamurocho was once my home. It was never heaven on Earth, but it was home regardless and it meant something to me. To you invade it and turn it into a nightmare… over what? Some petty feud? You unleashed hell just for your own selfish ambitions, with no regard for anyone you might hurt! Someone has to make sure you answer for your carelessness and I'm feeling up to task."

"Yeah, yeah. Keep on keeping on with that Japanese jibber-jabber. And who the blazes are you? I don't know you!" Chris pointed at Majima.

"Name's Goro Majima. And I hear you're the meathead who's been fucking around with my good buddy Kiryu-chan." Majima said to Chris in English. "That's my turf. And you're gonna pay one hefty fee for intruding without paying the toll."

"I don't give out freebies. You wanna face me? You're gonna have to make it first." Chris Redfield then leapt the tall building in a single bound, landing back on the roof. With a snap of his fingers, zombies and other mutations began pouring out of every nook and cranny, along with BSAA lackeys of Redfield who had been ritually washed in special Redfield bathwater to temporarily shield them from the gene-hunting lust of the R-Virus victims. Redfield grabbed his megaphone, and shouted down at Kiryu.

"By the way, Kazuma Kiryu, I had my analysts do a little digging into your background! And I decided to whip you up a little special something in the lab! Enjoy your blast from the past!" Chris Redfield then punched a very big boulder at Kiryu. It landed right in front of him, squishing a few zombies underneath. The giant boulder split apart to reveal within it a cryogenic canister.

* * *

"Okay, what's the question, Leon? The suspense is killing me!" Helena demanded.

"Just get it over with." Ada sighed.

"Alright. Answer me this… there's no right or wrong answer because it's pretty subjective… but if I like your answer, you're my waifu. And that's a promise." Leon nodded. "So, ladies, you got a favorite Devil May Cry game? You first, Ada-cake."

"I see what you're doing, Leon." Helena said approvingly. "Anything she says will just pale in comparison to mine. Spare your old flame some humiliation before I burn her out, yeah?"

"Oh, it's pretty hard to pick just one." Ada thought about it thoughtfully. "The gothic horror atmosphere of Hideki Kamiya's original has yet to be matched, but the combat's definitely been outpaced by its successors. And it has those shitty first-person underwater levels. And those goddamn arcade shooter homages. And I never liked Dante's original voice or his weird tan. And Trish - ugh, someone give her a Worst Girl Award!"

Helena rolled her eyes.

"Devil May Cry 2… well, Dante looks cool. That's all that's cool about it. But Devil May Cry 3 - oh wow! What a monumental step forward! It's where Devil May Cry truly became the Devil May Cry we know and love. It still holds up, even today."

Helena crossed her arms, tapped her foot impatiently. "Hurry the eff up, Ada! Or are you just stalling cause you know I'm the winner?"

"Don't delude yourself, woman." Ada laughed. "Anyways, Devil May Cry 4? Ah, a double-edged sword. I got a soft sport for that punk kid Nero, and Dante's a joy to play and master with the updated Style System. But you also can't overlook the reuse of Nero's levels and bosses for Dante's missions, and that goddamn dice game. And Savior? Worst boss ever. I haven't had time to play Devil May Cry 5 on account of Chris trying to kill me every week… but I bet I'll love it just as much as the rest. So I'm gonna go with Devil May Cry 3."

"Great choice, Ada! What about you, Helena?" Leon asked.

"That's easy!" Helena laughed. "A no-brainer! The best Devil May Cry is DmC: Devil May Cry by Ninja Theory! And if ya disagree, I'll paraphrase Dante himself: fuck you!"

Leon and Ada stared at Helena as she held her middle finger up like it made her cool or rebellious or something. Their stares were of cold disdain.

Helena noticed their contempt.

"Did… did I do something wrong?" She stuttered in shock.

"You… fucking… suck." Leon laid down the cold, bare truth. "How could any man ever want to fuck a degenerate specimen like you? Your parents shoulda invested in a coathanger."

Helena began to convulse, her mouth curling into an insane smile. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, they were bloodshot. From deep within, a guttural cry of the feminine specimen built and built until the raging cauldron heated by Leon's rejection could contain it no more.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Helena shrieked before she tightly gripped her knife. She laid hateful, teary eyes on Ada and Leon who were looking quite pleased with themselves.

"I'm gonna carve Ada up like a pizza pie and [CENSORED] you in her blood!" Helena kicked Leon in his chair over right as Ada freed herself from the handcuffs. Ada was about to go for her knife to cut the rope but she fumbled when she suddenly yanked downwards and the noose tightened now that Leon had fallen and wasn't supporting her.

"Gaaaaack!" Ada struggled with the noose.

"Oh, don't hang just yet. I want you to feel this." Helena raised her knife with intents of plunging it downwards. So lost in her fury, so confident in her capacity to kill the ultimate rival for Leon's affections, that she failed to notice that Ada's knife had fallen at the perfect angle and had sliced Leon's bindings where he had fallen.

"No I gotta protecc my waifu!" Leon reached towards Ada and ripped out her pistol where she had it holstered. With two shots, Leon shot Ada's rope so she fell and Helena's knife stabbed only air. Then he fired at Helena, hitting her in the abdomen.

"Hee-yaaaah!" Ada further incapitated the mad lady with a sharp kick into her fresh bullet wound.

"Aaaaa!" Helena went for a tumble. She clutched at her bloody wound, lifted her hands, looked at it. Then licked some of the blood off her fingers. Quite deliriously, she gazed at Leon in awe. "Wow, Leon, you shot me. You think I don't like it like this?"

"Whatever. Bleed out, you crazy cow." Leon put his jacket around Ada and his hands on Ada's shoulders. Quite indignantly, she removed those hands. She threw his jacket off and grinded her heels on it, as she crossed her arms with utter contempt at the gesture. "Ada, are you okay?"

"Whatever, Leon. I'm fine. Let's just get out of here." Ada and Leon proceeded to the door when it was kicked open from the other side.

"Oh god no! It's you!" Leon screamed when he saw who had done the deed. Standing in the doorway was none other than Claire Redfield, with a loaded gun in hand.

"Get down!" Claire ordered and Ada, thinking fast, pulled both herself and Leon down.

"Wha" Leon couldn't even finish the word before Claire fired her gun, shooting Helena who had risen again with an intended sneak attack on Ada.

"Hey! You shot me too, Claire!" Helena looked down at her now bleeding chest. "Does this mean you wanna threesome…"

Helena Harper passed out from blood loss.

"In your dreams, you wannabe." Claire laughed. "The only girl who's gonna be stealing Leon from Ada is me."

"Wait, does that mean we're official?" Leon looked at Ada.

"No way, Leon! Claire, you're… you're acting like I own him to begin with!" Ada looked away, slightly flustered.

"I guess that's a no, Leon. Which means…" Claire lit up hopefully. "The coast to Kennedy Beach is wide open for me! Hey Leon, wanna hold hands?"

"No way fag!" Leon recoiled, tried to hide behind Ada. "I don't want you, Claire! You're so plain next to my Asian Moonrise! I'll never want to do anything with you! So stop hitting on me, you freak! Hit her in the uterus, Ada!"

"Don't tell me what to do, Leon." Ada cringed.

"I can't help it, Leon. You make me feel like no other man can." Claire begged. "You got me so hot and bothered that night in Raccoon City, the sight of you shooting that rocket into William Birkin was so freaking erotic!"

"What the fuck, Claire! You and your derange-o brother have really ruined my life!"

"Leon please, I just wanna be with you! We can even use protection when we fuck, if that's your hang-up. Ada can be our surrogate mama if it'll please you, just bang me oh gawd!" Claire held her hand out.

"No way fag!" Leon shoved past Claire. "C'mon, Ada, let's blow this joint!"

Ada and Claire watched Leon storm down the hallway that the room led to. They looked at each other.

"So, Ada…"

"Yes, Claire?"

"Are you really not into him? Because if so, I don't think I have any chance with him until he realizes that."

"I'm…" Ada hesitated, and Claire thought she might've blushed. "...I'm not at liberty to divulge that info. Besides, I tell him that, poor boy will just think I'm playing hard to get."

"I thought so… well, um, Ada… for what it's worth, I'm sorry for how the wannabes treated you. I had nothing to do with it, or the many assassination attempts, I promise. They were all Chris' idea."

"Sounds plausible." Ada shrugged.

"Yeah, if I'm gonna beat you to Leon's heart, I'm gonna beat you fair and square. I ain't gonna be sharing Leon with some harlots Chris plucked off the street." Claire pledged. "So, what are you gonna do now, Ada?"

"I might as well follow Leon and keep him safe. He might be a stupid boy with an Asian fetish, but he's my stupid boy with an Asian fetish. If he gets himself killed, I don't know what I'd do without the entertainment he's brought into my life. What about you?"

"Chris is responsible for the zombie outbreak that rages outside. Chris..." It pained Claire to admit it. "Chris has gone too far. Resident Evil had no right to invade another series…"

She froze up, realizing she had used the wrong word. She looked at the reader, awkwardly.

"What the fuck is Resident Evil? Another series? What the heck are you talking about?"

"I mean, Redfields! Country! Slip of the tongue, Ada! We Redfields had no right to invade another country and bring all our drama along with us. Someone has to talk some sense into my brother, and I think I'm the only one that can reach him."

"Either way…"

"We're gonna end this. And Leon will be mine, one way or another." Claire winked.

"If it'll get you to shut up and leave me alone, sure." Ada sarcastically said. (Like hell he will, white girl.)

* * *

As this was happening Majima and Kiryu were currently surrounded in all totality by the undead, the mutated, and the paid thugs that comprised Redfield's Army of the Dead.

Back to back, Kiryu and Majima stared down the horde of foes that closed in on them.

"Never thought it'd be like this, Majima. Fighting side by side with you, for the fate of Kamurocho."

"Heh. I'm feeling all fuzzy inside, Kiryu. But in case you're catchin' a sweat just lookin' at them hordes… don't worry. I made a call a while ago. A few of my boys and then some are on their way. Just gotta hold out 'till then."

At that moment, the canister opened with a hiss. And the inhabitant crawled out, shrouded by misty gas.

"Nani." (What.) Kiryu said aloud as the gas cleared and he saw what had been within. Time seemed to slow, and he barely noticed Majima running with a maniacal cackle into the zombie to carve out a bloody swath or Jill brutally brawling with Alice in the background. All he could focus on was what was in front.

A symbol of sorrow and a testament to failure that Kiryu had thought long buried. It couldn't be. But it was. Redfield had somehow brought this dead man back as if he hadn't ended his life when a bomb tore him to bits.

The impossible man then spoke. Uncannily, chillingly, the voice was on point.

"Hello, aniki. Long time no see. You ready to die?"

To be concluded…


	7. A Neat Little Bow

This had been a strange night. Kiryu was still partly convinced deep down that this was all some horrible nightmare that he'd soon wake from, but a self-lie and a half-hearted one at that could only go so far.

And the night, though much strangeness had come to pass, had just taken a turn Kiryu would not have guessed.

"It can't be. You're dead!"

"As are many of my fellows who about to make a meal of Goro Majima." Behind the impossible dead man, Majima battled the undead without end. Majima kicked in zombie heads and sliced tanukis mutated by the R-Virus in two.

The last time he had seen the man he had once called a brother, Kiryu had beaten the stuffing out of him and it had ended with him summarily going up in flames. All around, that had been one tragic night involving corrupt politicians, lost found and lost again loves, and money thrown to the wind. Kiryu had thought that night long behind him.

Yet in front of him was Akira Nishikiyama, returned from the grave by some mad foreigner's equally warped virus.

"Nishiki! Are you friend or foe?" Kiryu thrust a questioning finger towards Nishiki. Nishiki was wearing a clean, newly threaded white suit with an uncanny resemblance to the suit he had worn in the days leading up to his demise. From a distance, he could almost be mistaken for one of the living… but the stitches and cracks were all too apparent the closer one got.

"You think Chris Redfield brought me back just so we could be friends again? Pretend the 80s never ended? No, Kiryu, I'm afraid that we've gone too far for that." Nishiki's hair fell at his side in coarse black clumps, that the revenant proceeded to push up and slick back. "There's no turning back for either of us."

(It was too much to hope for, I suppose.) Kiryu bleakly thought as he saw the returned Nishiki assume a familiar fighting stance. (Does resentment linger even in the dead?)

"It doesn't have to be like this. Don't throw away your second chance, dammit!"

"You should've let me sing lead on Judgement more, Kiryu." Nishiki danced around Kiryu's accusation, before he charged.

Kiryu sighed.

"Fine! We'll settle this the hard way!" Kiryu shouted, before kicking the revenant Nishiki right in the jaw.

The kick dislodged Nishiki's jaw, who promptly tore off his own jaw and swung it at Kiryu like an improvised baton.

(This is just wrong!) Kiryu thought as he weaved back, dodging Nishiki's jaw. Out of the bloody gap where Nishiki's jaw once was, his tongue slithered out beyond natural human length. It fattened like a swelling pore and iit split into a dozen or so tentacle-like strands with rows upon rows of razor-sharp teeth. (Just what are the limits of this R-Virus?)

"Hnnngh!" Kiryu grunted as he raised his arms to block Nishiki's attack, only for the strands to swipe across the tear the fabric.

Kiryu scrambled as the slivers continued to lash at him. He ran towards Majima, who was busy stomping in the brainy-head of one of those large mutations with the long tongues. Lickers, Jill Valentine had called them.

"I need to borrow this, Majima!" Kiryu snatched Majima's tanto.

"Ya better make sure to return it, Kiryu-chan!" Majima said.

A large infected man whose head with covered in a burlap sack charged at Majima, with a roaring chainsaw in hand. Unperturbed, Majima casually stepped to the side as the man reached. Now behind the chainsaw man, Majima quickly put the chainsaw man in a headlock before snapping his neck. Majima picked up the chainsaw and cackled, before running again into the undead.

"Hrraaaaah!" Kiryu, with now a few zombies between him and Nishiki, kicked down the zombies and they fell down like dominos. Kiryu ran forward onto the zombies, running on top of the zombies as they fell, and leapt off the last zombie as he reached Nishiki. Tanto in hand, Kiryu swung down and sliced off the strands every time they made a move for him as he came down until he found himself plunging the tanto directly into the messed-up mouth of the mutated Nishiki.

Kiryu dragged the tanto down, tearing flesh. Nishiki recoiled and howled in pain, stumbling and falling so his back faced Kiryu.

"Give up, Nishiki! I don't want to do this to you." Kiryu took a step back, before he elbowed a zombie that was sneaking up behind him with such force that he decapitated it.

"It's not over, Kiryu! Redfield gave me the power to exceed even you!" Nishiki said as he reattached his jaw, before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a syringe containing R-Virus. Nishiki injected it directly into his undead heart, and the overload of R-Virus accelerated his mutation.

Kiryu's eyes widened as Nishiki's muscles begin to bulge, and burst through his clothes. Kiryu had enough time to briefly glimpse a faded tattoo of a koi carp before the skin too went like a chocolate shell on an ice cream drumstick cone and Nishiki was distorting and reshaping into something that was no longer any imitation of the human he had once been.

The R-Virus had mutated Akira Nishikyama into a bloodthirsty monster with a barely anthropoid outline, the shape of the head and body a degenerate cross between a carp and a giant. His chest was covered in blowholes like a whale, and the fish-like mouth parted to reveal a writhing, chaotic mass of tentacles and teeth. In his massive hands at the end of hulking arms, Nishiki grabbed a lamp-post and swung it at Kiryu.

"You are the boulder blocking the path to my own glory, Kiryu! Well, Redfield showed me how to punch boulders!" The monstrous Nishiki gurgled, his voice sounding like a forever drowning man.

From the blowholes, Nishiki sprayed not water but acid. Kiryu ran, the acid melting down all other monsters and yakuza unlucky enough to be hit.

(I can't outrun him forever. I can't keep playing cat and mouse. Sooner or later I have to fight back.)

"Majima! Let's trade!" Kiryu shouted.

"If you say so, Kiryu-chan!" Majima and Kiryu then leapt up in the air and threw their respective weapons - chainsaw and tanto - at each other. Kiryu grabbed the chainsaw in mid-air and then fell towards Nishiki in a break in his acid spewing.

However, as soon as the chainsaw had entered Nishiki, Kiryu urgently leapt back. The blood was acidic, like the alien monster in that American alien movie, _Alien_!

"Finally found yourself in a situation you couldn't punch your way out of, huh, aniki?" Nishiki laughed as he pulled the ruined chainsaw out of him. "Time to die, Kiryu!"

"Like you yourself said, Nishiki, it's not over yet."

Kiryu saw Jill fighting the robot woman Alice. They'd been going at it one-on-one since the whole skirmish had exploded. Kiryu ran towards them.

"Excuse me, Valentine-san." Kiryu snatched the rocket launcher off her back, while she and Alice were busily preoccupied pulling each other's hair. "I'll be borrowing this."

(Jill found a few extra rockets in-between chapters, so there's no need to worry about wasting ammo… for now)

Jill was so intent on destroying Alice she didn't notice Kiryu running off with her rocket launcher before getting to a safe distance, and firing it at Nishiki.

"Fuck me. Not again." Was all Nishiki could say right before the rocket reached him. He went up in a great ball of fire that sent acid flying everywhere, melting more of the monsters around him.

"For perverting the memory of a man I once called a brother... I'm going to make you pay, Redfield." Kiryu clenched his fists after he quietly put the rocket launcher back on Jill's back. She currently had Alice in a lock and was trying to choke her with a leg-squeeze, but robots can't suffocate.

"But how do I get into the building? There's just too many damn zombies in between him and me!" Kiryu looked at the path towards the BSAA Japan HQ's entrance, which was swarming with the undead and then some.

Right on cue, a tank round landed in the zombies right in front of Kiryu and blew them up. Kiryu looked around, and saw an odd sight.

A tank was rolling in, and riding on top of the tank was a large man with a shaved head, holding two miniguns under his arms. Kiryu recognized him. It was Taiga Saejima! And behind the tank followed a makeshift army consisting of Yakuza from Majima's family and the other families of the Tojo Clan as well, along with some shifty-looking Men in Black and even street thugs from off the street.

Every Yakuza of note Kiryu had ever crossed paths with that was still alive were lining up to do battle against the undead.

Even Old Lieutenant Kuze from back in the day, now a decrepit old man, strolling up to zombies on his walker and smacking them with it while angrily screaming Kiryu's name.

"Nani." (What.)

"This is what we were holding out for, Kiryu!" Majima laughed. "We may be criminal trash that hate each other's guts… but the none of us will stand for some fucking American invading _our_ Kamurocho and killing us with his B-Movie monster rejects!"

"Where'd you get a tank?" Kiryu stared, confused.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Majima laughed.

"Go stop him, Kiryu! We'll clear a path and hold 'em off for you!" Saejima encouraged him, as he continued to mow down zombies with his minigun.

As the Criminals of Kamurocho and the R-Virus Army went to war, Kiryu took a deep breath. And ran through the warring hordes towards the entrance. Towards Redfield.

* * *

Leon and Ada found Sherry Birkin creeping about in an area with a bunch of deserted office space. She was looking for supplies to use when she heard their steps. Whipping around with her gun in hand, Sherry relaxed when she saw who it was.

"Leon! You're okay!" Sherry Birkin ran up to Leon.

"Glad to see you're alright, Sherry. That lunatic Helena won't be bothering you anymore." Leon happily said. He then noticed Sherry staring at him. At him and Ada.

"Uh… something the matter, Sherry?" Leon asked.

"You're with her then? She's not a bad catch but..." Sherry said, disappointed. Ada wildly shook her head no. "Pity. You and Claire made such a great couple, IMO. But hey, like I said, Ada's a great second choice. Even if she is well… Ada."

"Uh… say that again, and we might have to go our separate ways, Sherry." Leon said, flustered. He couldn't bring himself to use the normal expletives around her.

"We're not a couple, for crying out loud!" Ada yelled, turning red as she placed her hands on her head.

"But your girlfriend isn't the real important news here." Sherry diverged from the topic.

"What part of NOT don't you get?" They ignored Ada's protests.

"She isn't?" Leon said, confused.

"My agency in the contacts have informed me that if this R-Virus outbreak isn't gotten under control soon, this city will be nuked." Sherry gravelly said.

"Then what the heck are we standing around here for? Let's get the fuck outta dodge!" Leon grabbed Ada by the arm and started running, only to screech to a halt as Sherry stepped right in front of them with her palm held out.

"Leon, what do you think you're doing? We have to stop Chris Redfield!"

"Let the nuke stop him! Chris wants me running to him right now, and I can't give him that satisfaction!" Leon insisted. "And if I'm real lucky, this nuke will take out Claire too!"

"Leon! I can't believe what you're saying!" Sherry recoiled, aghast. "What the hell happened to you?"

"The Redfields did. Sorry, kid." Leon reached into his pocket and pulled out his flask of apple juice.

"The only thing drinking that'll be the floor!" Sherry slapped the flask out of Leon's hand. The apple juice spilled onto the carpeted floor, darkening it.

"Sherry, what the fu - I mean, Sherry - why? That was my last apple juice!" Leon said before Sherry slapped him.

"Because you need to be thinking straight! Not addled by freaking fruit! The Leon I know would never just run away like some fucking pussy! He'd stick this out to the bitter end!" Sherry looked at Ada, pleading in her eyes. "C'mon, Ms. Wong, back me up here!"

"Leon has a point. A nuke's a surer-way of taking out Redfield than fisticuffs." Ada shrugged.

"Ada! What about the innocents that the nuke will also take out?" Sherry's jaw dropped.

"Sweetheart, I'm Chinese." Ada reminded Sherry. "By heritage, I am compelled to hate the Japanese and cheer upon all ruination that befalls them."

"But you consume products made by the Japanese! Like ramen! We are risking the destruction of real ramen if Tokyo is nuked!" Sherry pointed out.

"I'm not big on ramen anyhow. Pho's the superior of the Asian noodle soups." Ada deflected.

"I'm sorry, Sherry, I can't risk it. Chris and Claire are so scary. I can't risk Chris beating me, then making me fuck Claire! If I do that, I'll be no good for you anymore, Ada." Leon looked at Ada adoringly.

"P-U-S-S-Y." Shery stuck her tongue out.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, Shery!" Leon closed his eyes and stuck fingers in his ears, shaking his head.

"Then…" Sherry began giving Leon puppy eyes, adding just the right amount of watering. Leon gasped, tried to look away and resist, but his will was not strong enough. "...will you do it if I say pwease?"

"Alright, fine!" Leon sighed.

"Leon, let's just blow this joint!" Ada slapped her forehead in disbelief. She was more of a cat person. "I can't believe you just fell for the old puppy eyes routine!"

"Ada, I just realized something!" Leon suddenly had an ominous idea pop into his head. "If we let Japan get nuked or overrun by the R-Virus, that means we'll be stuck with Western animation and video games!"

Ada gasped. She couldn't believe this thought hadn't occurred to her before. "Fuck, Leon, you're right!"

"Hey!" Leon snapped suddenly. "Watch your language around Sherry, Ada!"

"Leon, I'm not a kid anymore. Trust me, I've heard plenty of fu-" Sherry protested.

"Nuh-uh, Sherry, don't make me wash out your mouth with soap! I won't be hearing that kind of language from you!

"Leon… what's gotten over you?" Ada stared at him.

"Nothing! Let's just solve our nuke problem first, okay?"

After a bit more wandering, Leon located a trail of blood that got larger and drier as he followed it. It eventually led to Ashley Graham's decapitated corpse.

"Good riddance." Leon commented, and Ada and Sherry nodded in agreement even though they didn't really know Ashley Graham like Leon did - this was by reputation alone. Next to Ashley, as Helena had said, there was Hunnigan unconscious - passed out from the shock and fear of the brutal would-be harem culling that Helena had started but failed to complete.

"Wake up, Hunnigan, you traitorous bitch." Leon kicked Hunnigan, who stirred awake.

"Huh? Leon… my prince over the earpiece… did you come for me?" Hunnigan stared at Leon very dreamily, despite the fact he'd just kicked her and called her a bitch.

"No way fag!" Leon shook his head.

"Leon, remember, you're the one who made the move on me first." Hunnigan pointed out. "You said I looked cute without my glasses and asked for my number. I tried to play it cool and professional back then… but already, my defenses were falling, you raw majestic specimen of a man!"

"No way fag! I meant that in a purely platonic friendly manner! I know a great optician and was gonna recommend you for some contact lenses! I thought that might help you hook up with somebody in your office! Not hook up with me! What, you actually thought I was asking you out?"

"Uh… yeah?"

"Story of my life! Try to help a girl out and next thing you know, she's trying to get in my pants! Even though I've made it completely clear I'm saving myself up for the Chinese banquet!" Leon waved his arms in frustration.

"So what are you here for, Leon, if you're not here to fuck me?" Hunnigan asked.

"I just need you to call the President and tell him that we have the R-Virus under control and there's no need for nukes!"

"Uh…" Hunnigan got up, ran to a window, and looked outside. "...you don't."

"The President doesn't need to know that, though." Leon winked. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him."

"You want me to lie to the President? Leon, that's bad!" Hunnigan covered her mouth in shock.

"Is that really so bad?" Ada shrugged. "He does it all the time."

"Yeah, what's he gonna do? Get someone to verify our claim?" Sherry added. "No, he'll just tweet Mission Accomplished or something. 95-5 chance he also calls the zombie uprising fake news and a Democratic plot."

"Fine!" Hunnigan threw her arms up in surrender. "But only on one condition!"

"What is it?" Leon asked.

"Can Leon go on a date with me later?" Hunnigan clasped her hands together and looked at Leon hopefully.

"No way fag!" Leon plucked a strand of hair out and flung it at Hunnigan. "Here… take it or leave it!"

"OMG! Your hair!" Hunnigan squealed. "I'll treasure this hair forever… I'll never let go of it."

"Yeah, yeah. Just get on the phone!" Leon, Ada, and Sherry began inching away from Hunnigan before they broke off into a full run. "Oh, Hunnigan, you're fired too! I'm requesting a new handler when I get back to America!"

* * *

Jill tried to catch her breath, but any chance to do so was fleeting. Her robotic foe Alice was utterly relentless. Alice laid into Jill with a spinning roundhouse, and though Jill got her arms up in time to block, she felt the kick's impact force her back. She gritted teeth as her heels dug into the cracking pavement.

"What's the matter, Jill? Getting tired?" Alice taunted.

"No… just thinking about the best one-liner to say when I annihilate you!" Jill ran at Alice.

"In your dreams!" Alice and Jill found themselves locked in a struggling impasse, palms locked and pushing against one another. Jill sweated as she strained against the stainless machine.

(Dreams… I remember now!) A mental lighting bolt struck and reverberated through Jill as she remembered where she had seen the dreadful face of Alice before.

(They weren't dreams but nightmares. Set in a world like our own but utterly warped. I was there, along with Chris and Leon and Claire and many others, but we were reduced to bit players and shoved aside in an unending apocalypse because this world revolved entirely around… her! We were nothing but walking breathing mannequins brought out whenever "the director" of this nightmare needed something to prop up his precious Alice.)

"You look you've seen a ghost, sweetie!" Alice let go of Jill before punching her in the face.

"And you'll be a ghost when I'm done with you!" Jill grabbed Alice by the shoulders before leaping up with her knees pointed. The knees sunk directly into Alice's breasts. Alice shrieked, feeling the pain of the double breast knee even as a robot.

"Aaagh! Why did Chris also make my pleasure receptor function as a pain receptor?" Alice whined as she felt and nursed her wounded mammaries.

"There's more where that came from, hoe-hag!" Jill yelled as she charged Alice and began going for the privates. Up and down, up and down, alternating between the two.

In-between all the hurt, Alice was getting pissed. Finally, she pushed Jill back as her eyes started flashing red. "THAT DOES IT!"

"Aww, did I trigger you?" Jill taunted only to feel a sharp pain on the back of her head and heard the sound of a rock dropping.

"Huh?" Jill said as more rocks began pelting her. Jill dove for cover. "What's happening?"

"Surprise bitch, I got superpowers!" Alice revealed as she began using telekinesis to batter Jill with several stray objects, before using that telekinesis to fling Jill herself around like a ragdoll.

"Superpowers? What the fuck is this nonsense?" Jill spat out from blood. She was sprawled out gasping for breath, left on her knees.

"Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg, Jill. Meet my BFFs - my own personal clone army!" Alice announced as she put her heel down on Jill and pressed, forcing her face into the dirt. Suddenly, more Alices were popping out of their hiding places and joining the original Alice in keeping Jill down.

"You… seriously… suck." Jill said as Alice's clones lifted her up and restrained her.

"Mmm… but at least I can suck. Let's see how you manage without any teeth." Alice said as Jill saw her hateful fists flying right towards her.

* * *

Kiryu, after having beaten up the entire lobby of BSAA agents in a building that seemed like a set right out of an episode of a Showa-era Ultraman series, headed towards the elevator. He assumed that Chris Redfield was still on the rooftop with his megaphone, so he picked the highest floor. The elevator was located on the outside of the building, so Kiryu got a good view of Kamurocho in chaos from above.

Mid-way through, the elevator stopped. Kiryu tensed as the doors opened and some more agents shuffled in. They filled the spacious elevator, about eight of them, carrying four crates between them in pairs. They placed the crates down on the floor and surrounded Kiryu. Kiryu suddenly felt a lot like the elephant in the room.

Finally, the awkward tension and silence was broken.

"Hey. You the new intern?" One of the agents asked in Japanese, looking at Kiryu.

"Uh… yes?" Kiryu nodded.

"Where's your badge and uniform then?"

"It's my first day." Kiryu quickly improvised. "I was on my way to pick them up when… all this happened. I panicked, I must confess."

"Understandable but a mistake nonetheless! Even if you are an unpaid 'fer-the-experience' schmuck, an agent's badge and uniform is still his air and water! Can't live without 'em!" The agent chided Kiryu.

The awkward silence resumed.

Kiryu's mind kept wandering to the crates that the agents had been carrying. The agents seemed to be handling and standing around those crates with the most intent of cares.

(I'm probably making a mistake here, but my curiosity is killing me…)

"What's in the crates, sir?" Kiryu asked.

"Ah, just some samples of the cure for the R-Virus. We're bringing them up right now to Chris Redfield for him to disperse into the wild once Leon finishes fucking his sister Claire, as he ordered us to do. Till then, no fucking = no cure!"

"An entire city is dying out there!" Kiryu suddenly snapped. "You hold salvation in your hands but would withhold it for the whims of some debased affair?"

"Watch what you say about Chris Redfield! You haven't seen what he's done to everyone else who protested against his lineage. We're only alive because we know the value of loyalty!" An agent warned him.

"I will do more than just speak. I will act!" Kiryu then unloaded upon the agents, all fists of fury and kicks of steel.

The elevator was cramped with the lackeys of Redfield and the crates they had lugged in gave him even less room to maneuver in, but Kiryu was no stranger to accommodating combat situations.

If nothing else, Kiryu wasn't trapped inside with them, they were trapped with him.

Kiryu spun a roundhouse into the head of one agent, landing with a sickening crack, and knocking back about four more agents on its way. One down, seven to go. Kiryu charged into two of the agents that were still standing, knocking them down like bowling pins. Kiryu then leapt and stomped on both of them while they were down, just-a like-a Mario.

An agent grabbed Kiryu from behind, trying to restrain him. As Kiryu struggled against the grip, another agent got back to his feet and grabbed one of the crates, likely planning to smash Kiryu in the face with it.

"Hnnngh!" Kiryu swung his legs up, unbalancing the agent holding him, and he kicked forward at the crate-wielding agent.

"Aaaa-aaaaaaagh!" The agent had been kicked with such force he went stumbling backwards into the glass of the elevator. Breaking it and falling all the way down along with the crate he was holding.

(Oops. I hope we still have enough cure after this.) Kiryu thought as he fell backwards, landing on the agent holding him as a cushion. Before the agent could recover, Kiryu lifted his elbow and drove it right into the agent's face, denting the helmet that the agent wore.

Now it was five down, three to go.

"He surely can't take us all if we zerg him!" One of the agents still standing shouted to his compatriots in English.

"Yeah! LETS GET HIM!" The three remaining agents all charged at Kiryu at once, for some reason. They jumped at him with flying kicks.

Kiryu sighed and tiger dropped all three of them, sending them flying in terror and landing in oblivion.

(Looks like I'm getting the hang of it back…) Kiryu wiped his hands, thinking about his powerful technique. (...still, it's a pity about the cure I accidentally destroyed. I hope, perhaps against hope, someone might still make good use of it.)

* * *

"Ooh, I'm having so much fun, I almost forgot I ain't supposed to kill you!" Alice taunted the battered Jill, who was all bruised and limping from the superpowered beating she had just taken from Alice and all her clones.

"It's not over yet… I won't let you replace me." Jill swore, as she reached into her pocket and pulled out some green herbs. She stuffed the herbs into her mouth with urgency, and in a flash, the bruises on Jill's skin vanished and her limp became a thing of yesterday.

"Replace you? I gotta admit, there's an idea." Alice smacked her lips. "And Jill, don't bother eating those herbs like candy no more. They won't save you. You can't hope to surpass me, my clone army, or our superpowers."

Suddenly Jill was lifted up with telekinesis.

"Oh, did I forget to mention my clones have the same superpowers that I do?" Alice laughed as she and her clones began mind-tossing Jill amongst themselves like a game of hot potato.

"This is so stupid!" Jill protested as she continued to be flung about.

* * *

Leon, Ada, and Sherry Birkin impatiently waited in front of the elevator, the going up button all lit up. They heard it move into place and skid to a stop with a ding. Leon and Ada, ever anticipatory in these kinds of situations due to experience, raised their guns. Who knows what could be behind those doors?

The elevator doors slid open.

Behind them was Kiryu Kazuma, in a combat stance, standing over the broken bodies of unconscious BSAA personnel and the crates of the cure for the R-Virus. A big windy draft hit them, through the hole in the elevator that Kiryu had made knocking a few of the agents out. An instrumental elevator muzak version of Chris Redfield's Boulder Punching song played.

"Heading up to see Redfield too?" Kiryu asked.

"I had to stop running eventually." Leon sighed.

Leon and company boarded the elevator and were about to proceed on their way for the top when the bloodchilling voice of Claire Redfield piped up, accompanied by footsteps that were getting louder and closer.

"Wait up! Hold that door!" Claire waved as she rain at the elevator.

"Hey, is that Claire?" Sherry looked.

"Oh god no! Spam that close button, Kiryu!" Leon commanded, before he shoved past Kiryu to do it himself.

"C'mon, Leon, have a heart! I promise I won't hit on you or anything!" Claire begged as she neared and reached out towards the elevator doors like zombies in a Romero flick.

"No way fag!" Leon jumped back as the doors slammed shut and the elevator continued on its way.

"Fine!" On the other side, Claire threw her arms up in exasperation. "The stairs it is, then!"

* * *

"How do you even have these stupid powers?!" Jill demanded to know as Alice and six of her clones kept her pinned through some accursed telekinesis. More clones lingered on the edges, watching and taunting Jill, or keeping the Yakuza and biohazards off them - for this was a confrontation of personal grudges to be settled personally.

"Nanoviruses, son!" Alice replied as she drove a soccer kick into Jill's gut.

"Aaaaagh!" Jill flew back from the kick and skidded for a bit on the ground as she landed. Alice placed a boot on her back, keeping Jill down, as she began to exposit.

"Y'see, when I'm injected with the R-Virus, it bonds with the nanomachines in my synthetic blood to activate my full potential. The only thing that can stop it is…" Alice paused.

"Yes?" Jill asked.

"Hell, why are you sounding so hopeful? It's the R-Virus Cure! But Chris Redfield keeps it all on a tight leash… and you sure as hell won't be getting your hands on it anytime soo- owwwch!" At that moment, the crate that Kiryu had accidentally knocked off the elevator earlier landed on Alice's head, breaking apart and spilling its contents all over the ground.

The unfortunate agent that had fallen along with the crate then landed on two of the Alice clones, and sent them falling in a side-split manner. They went down like dominos, breaking their concentration on restraining Jill.

(Thank you, Deus Ex Fucking Machina!) Jill thought as she rolled over and saw what was written on the remains of the shattered crate. She quickly snatched a syringe of R-Virus Cure that had spilled out.

"What the" Alice was taken by surprise as Jill sprang up and jabbed the syringe into her neck, injecting the R-Virus into her.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alice fell onto her knees and screamed as she realized the magnitute of what had occurred and felt her superpowers leaving her like water in a cracked toilet. "Stop her, my clones!"

"Yeah, step right up! There's enough cure to go around for y'all!" The clones of Alice swarmed Jill but she was amped up. Jill picked up syringe after syringe and flung them at the Alice clones, who were blindly running into them. Clone after clone fell in writhing pain, their powers depleted.

"Let's see how y'all do on a leveled playing field." Jill wiped her hands before locking her fingers and stretching.

"Uhgggh…" Alice and her clones got up and surrounded Jill. "...even without our powers, I'm still strong enough to run up walls and like jump off 'em to kicks dogs and stuff."

"Fight us, you blue-bellied bitch!" The Alices raised their fists and waved them around like old-timey cartoon boxers, circling around Jill. They all took one step in.

Jill whipped out an assault rifle and spun around firing into all the Alice clones. Without any superpowers or some other kind of plot armor to protect her, Alice ate the bullets like candy.

"Your Director Hasubando ain't here to protect you now." Jill, her rifle now clicking empty, looked at the now dead or dying Alice clones, searching for the Prime Alice.

Jill found Alice, a bleeding bullet-riddled slab crawling out from under her own dead clones.

"Any last words, Alice? It's off to a fiery Wonderland for you." Jill took out a pistol, trying to figure out what she should say to Alice as a final one-liner before she at last rid the world of her presence.

"It's not over! I don't need a neat little injection to get my superpowers back!" Alice grabbed a passing zombie, before biting into its neck to drink its zombie blood. "AS LONG AS THERE'S R-VIRUS, I AM ALMIGHTY!"

After she swallowed the zombie's dirty fluids containing the R-Virus, corrupted power began coursing through Alice's bodies. Her body jerked upright, her joints and limbs twitching and bending back into place.

"Jill Valentine, I don't care about Redfield's orders no more. I'm gonna kill you, then I'm gonna subjugate Redfield and all your little friends. I'm rewriting this story. I'm gonna be the main attraction now, and the rest of you my disposable useless sidekicks!" Alice swore as her eyes glowed with red fury. Alice then pulled her arms back, put her hands together and began twisting them around until fiery red swirls of energy began concentrating around them.

"Huh. This is a new one. But what better way to dispose of you?" Alice formed a giant fireball, just burning to be unleashed.

Jill had just about enough of this nonsense and pulled the rocket launcher off her back. She readied it, loading in a fresh missile.

"Die, bitch!" Both women shouted at the same time as they attacked. Alice threw her fireball while Jill fired her rocket. There was a massive explosion as the two attacks collided that quickly spread through all of Kamurocho and soon the entire world. The explosion wiped them both out, along with all the Yakuza and zombies battling it out, rocking the BSAA Building where it stood.

When the smoke cleared, Alice was once again broken by the explosion, burned and bleeding out. Jill was in a similar situation, badly burnt, but she calmly reached into her pocket and pulled some herbs out. She ate them, and was as good as new, her wounds vanishing like the Dodo. Jill got up, and walked over to Alice. The zombies were destroyed, and most of the Yakuza were dead as well, but conveniently the important or fan-favorite ones like Goro Majima were just knocked out with minor scratches.

"No… I was supposed to be a star…" Alice bitched as Jill picked her up by the legs. Jill began spinning around, swinging Alice before letting go to throw her flying towards the stratosphere.

(The oldies are still goldies.) Jill thought, finally thinking of what to say as a finishing quip.

"You want stars? I'll give you stars!" Jill readied her rocket launcher and fired the rocket into Alice. The rocket impaled Alice through her [CENSORED]. Alice shrieked in a mangled fusion of pleasure and pain as she flew all the way into space before the rocket blew up and ripped her to bits. The remains of Alice spun off into deep space, never to be seen again.

(Phew… the apocalypse of Alice is finally over. Her plans of upstaging me have gone to the final chapter of extinction. My retribution is complete… I hope she burns in whatever afterlife she finds herself.)" Jill wiped her sweaty brow and took a breather. (But there's just one last thing I gotta take care of… and that's you, Chris.)

* * *

While traveling in an elevator for a long time, the conversations tend to turn awkward.

"Say, Sherry…" Leon began. "You seeing anyone right now?"

"Uh, why do you want to know?"

"Like that Jake punk. You don't need to bring 'em to dinner for me to meet 'em, but know I want what's good for you Sherry." Leon explained before clenching his fist and tapping his chest determinedly. "That special someone breaks your heart, let me know. So I can break their soul."

"Ok… Leon… um, sure." Sherry said. Ada rolled her eyes.

Suddenly there was a brief but violent rocking sensation. Kiryu looked outside and swore he saw a massive wave of chaotic energy bursting through the streets, like a tsunami wave.

"Nani." (What.) Kiryu braced and tried to steady himself as Leon and his companions went tumbling. After a moment where it seemed that everything might very well come shattering down around them, the shaking of the world suddenly ceased. And the elevator continued traveling on its way.

"No trip to Japan is complete without an earthquake, huh?" Leon sardonically joked.

"An earthquake? No, not a regular one at least." Kiryu looked out the elevator, towards Kamurocho. Was it just him, or did the city seem to be on even more fire than it already was before the shaking had begun?

Kiryu didn't have much time to ponder on the question. The elevator reached its destination and opened the doors. Kiryu began lugging the crates of the R-Virus Cure out. Leon was about to step through, before stopping in his tracks.

"Something wrong, Leon?" Sherry asked.

"Just the usual." Ada chuckled.

"How can it be? Nooooo!" Leon fell to his knees. Standing a short ways away, leaning against a set of stairs leading to the rooftop, were Jill Valentine and Claire Refield having a brief apple juice break.

"How did you ladies get here before us?" Kiryu asked. "Especially you, Jill."

Jill shrugged.

"We used the stairs." Claire explained. "All the money in our budget and Chris still couldn't be bothered to bother the board to invest in some faster elevators, eh?"

"Of course!" Leon moaned. "Freaking technology never works how it should when you need it to when there aren't zombie apocalypses going on, so why would it start in one?"

"Hi Leoooon! Ooh, and oh hi, Shery! It feels like forever since I've seen you!" Claire smiled and waved.

"Ugh!" Leon threw his arms up in frustration. "Let's just fuc- (Oh crap, Sherry's here too!) fudge this fudging fudger Chris!"

"Not how I would've said it, but that there's an idea." Jill smacked her lips.

"Uh, Sherry, why don't you stay here and guard the crates? Things might get intense with Chris and I don't want you receiving his wrath." Leon advised Sherry.

"Alright, Leon." Sherry remained with the crates, watching the others - Kazuma Kiryu, Leon S. Kennedy, Ada Wong, Jill Valentine, and Claire Redfield head towards the final showdown. After a while of waiting, Sherry got bored. She took out her phone, and saw that even in this time of crisis, at least the Japanese wi-fi was still functioning.

"Time to illegally watch some anime! Yeah, I'm a naughty girl!" Sherry chuckled to herself.

* * *

Chris Redfield stood on the rooftop, next to an inactive helicopter and two boulders that had been worked well by his fists. With his arms crossed in silent contemplation, Chris looked over the city and saw what he had wrought. All around him the city was on fire and just now there'd been that weird shockwave. Chris wondered what had caused that.

Millions were probably dead, but hey, once Leon got finished fucking Claire, Chris would be sure to write some very sincere apology letters and IOU notes to the people of Kamurocho.

He heard multiple sets of footsteps coming up from behind him. A mostly familiar set. Chris turned around saw not only his sister, but a whole host of others as well. Leon, Jill, Ada Wong, and how the hell was that Japanese Yakuza-looking fucker still alive?

(Play it calm for now, Chris.) Chris thought to himself. (I got the advantage here, yes I do.)

"So, Leon, have you finally conceded to the tides of inevitability? That this was always going to end with you fucking my sister Claire?" Chris motioned. "I can ring up one of my boys and have 'em bring up a bed fit for a king with really comfy pillows right now."

"No way f" Leon was about to say before Claire pushed him aside.

"Leon, we agreed that I was gonna get a chance to speak to my brother first!" Claire chastised him under her breath.

(We did?) Leon tried to remember.

"Well actually…" Claire now spoke to her brother. "Chris, we honestly need to have a talk about how far we're going for a fuck."

"What do you mean, Claire?"

"I mean, have you taken a look at what's going on out there?"

Chris looked back at the burning Kamurocho.

"Oh, that zombie apocalypse? That can easily be fixed. Especially if there's a child… a child of Redfield and Kennedy blood born just for fixing things like that! Now, Leon, do you see why you need to fuck Claire? The world needs for the Redfield Lineage in case something like this ever happens again and I'm too senile to do something about it!"

Leon shook his head.

"It's too damn far, Chris! You've crossed the line that separates us from the bad guys!"

"That's crazy talk, Claire. The lack of Leon-fucking in your life is making you crazier than an order of Little C's Crazy Bread!" Chris tried to persuade Claire. "Before you know it, the menopause will kick in and there won't be any returning to sanity! Leon, you gotta save her now by fucking her!"

Leon shook his head.

Jill butted in, storming right up to next to Claire.

"Chris, I know a way you could have that super kid you so desperately crave." Jill posed a bit seductively.

"I could?" Chris confusedly asked. "How? I've yet to find the woman who could suitably bear my seed. And Jill, don't stand like that. It isn't good for your posture! You're lucky I look out for my very good friends for free!"

"Raaaaaaaagh!" Jill threw her arms up in frustration. "I destroyed your almighty robot slut Alice and this is the best I get?"

"You destroyed Alice?" Chris asked.

Jill nodded.

"And her clone army too?"

Jill nodded some more.

"Goddamn it, Jill! Those bitches were expensive to make! Hold up, lemme dial our Hollywood division." Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He rang a number to his underlings in the Hive, located in the degenerate hive known as Hollywood, real fast. "Yo, Paul, restart the Project ALICE production line."

Jill ran up to Chris, snatched the phone out of his hands and finished the call for him. "Cancel that order, you dumb bitch." Jill whispered some additional things to Paul over the phone.

"Y-yes, miss. Please, please don't hurt me." Paul on the other end of the line meekly complied.

"You need some serious help, Jill." Chris sighed and shook his head as Jill threw Chris' phone on the ground and began stomping on it angrily until it broke. "Jeez, Jill, overreact much?"

Chris turned his attention, swishing around to face Leon and Ada, who had been sneaking up on him from behind. Leon tried to roundhouse Chris while Ada did a flipping kick. Chris quickly swatted their strikes away from him, swept their legs to send them tumbling to the ground. Chris quickly whipped out and aimed two pistols akimbo style into their faces, forcing them to back away.

"Did you two really try to stealth takedown me?" Chris exasperatedly said.

"We're really tired of you messing with our lives, Chris." Ada dusted herself as she got back up. "Especially my life."

"I'm not sorry, Ada. I won't leave you alone until you are no longer a verified threat to the Redfield Lineage." Chris replied, his heart as cold as the ocean and his determination steadfast.

"The only threat is the inability to get your dick up for anything besides punching boulders!" Leon retorted.

"What he said! CHRISYOUSTUPIDSEXYBEEFYFUCKSHITGORILLA" Jill screamed, as Claire restrained her from rushing at Chris.

"Calm down, everybody! Let's not get carried away before we do something we regret!" Claire tried to play peacemaker.

"Ada Wong, you should throw yourself off this building right now." Chris nodded towards the edge of the roof. "Or at the very least, castrate yourself so that there's no chance of you breeding offspring with Leon! I shall not sanction any half-siblings for Claire's child not of Redfield blood! Doooo it, or else!"

"Or what? You'll kill me? You've already tried it a billion ways." Ada taunted him. "And I'm still here."

Chris rubbed his palms. "Oh, think you're special just cause you can outfox all my paid assassins? Well, I've got something special whipped up for you, China Girl."

"Uh, Chris… what did you do now?" Claire nervously asked.

"I contracted some Ex-Umbrella in Wuhan to cook up a special virus. It's designed specifically to infect Ada Wong with a potentially lethal strain of super-flu, and transmit to Leon S. Kennedy upon sexual intercouse. I named it after my favorite brand of beer." Chris proudly proclaimed, before holding up a small tube with a big red button. "Will you risk getting down with the sickness to fuck your precious Ada? But I promise, I won't release it if you just fuck Claire right here in front of me."

"Yeah right, Chris! I'll… I'll… just wash my hands before and after I fuck Ada!" Leon replied in defiance.

"Goddamn it Leon! You are leaving me with no choice but to unleash the virus soon to be known as Co- whoops!"

Chris' thumb slipped and hit the button. Remotely, a signal was sent to Wuhan, giving his contractors the all-clear to unleash a new virus into an unsuspecting world.

"Oopsie-daisies. Butterfingers!" Chris shrugged, before getting a call on his phone. Chris answered it, listened to what the person on the other end of the line had to say. "Wait, what do you mean you haven't gotten the DNA lock down yet? Or the STD lock? You mean it can infect anybody right now? Not just Ada Wong? That it's contagious like a regular 'ol virus too? And you didn't develop the vaccine either? Geez, what the fuck am I paying you losers for?"

"Chris, you fucking retard." Leon sighed.

* * *

Kiryu had been witnessing all this unfold with aghast horror. Even though nobody was translating the English argument between these foreigners for him, he could still make out by the tones of their voices and their occasional lapses into violence that this was no pleasant matter that would resolve itself peacefully.

(I can see why the Tokugawa banished all foreigners in their day! Gaijin sure are something!) Kiryu thought. (Curse you, Commodore Perry and the Meiji Restoration!)

Kiryu found himself walking towards the squabbling foreigners. Chris and Leon were looking to get their dukes up, circling each with their fists raised, and intermittently slugging each other. And Jill Valentine and the Chinese woman were about to join the fray too, talons all sharpened.

He had let their buffoonery go on in Kamurocho long enough. Though this city was no longer his home, Kiryu felt some guilt and responsibility in what had happened to it over the past twenty-four hours. It had been that chance encounter on the streets between him and the ladies that had set this whole damn thing in motion. And Kiryu wouldn't let it end without him.

Kiryu racked his brain, trying to think of all the foreign media he had consumed. What English phrase did he think he understood would have some meaning for these Americans? It came to mind right as he reached the raging tire fire.

"FUCKERMOTHERS FUCK THE SHUT UP!" Kiryu threw an uppercut right Chris's jaw, taking him by surprise. Chris flew up and back, landed flat on his ass.

"Valentine-san!" Jill looked as Kiryu pointed at her and barked another order. "Translate what I have to say. Down to the letter."

"You! You! You! You! And you too!" Kiryu pointed accusingly at everyone else on the rooftop. "Why don't you take a deep breath, a few steps back, and just stop and think about what you're doing? And maybe realize something else too!"

"Uh, what is there to realize?" Leon sheepishly asked.

"That maybe it's time to accept that things won't be the way you want them! That you should try respecting how others feel even if it means swallowing your pride!" Kiryu sternly explained. It was time for a serious talk, the kind that had a very important life lesson and the end, the talk that usually was accompanied by some sad-sounding piano piece. "If someone's made it clear that they're not into you… instead of squandering your life trying to move an entire mountain!"

"Ha! A mountain is just a Godzilla-sized boulder rooted in place! I can punch that and your stupid metaphor!" Chris scoffed.

"Shut up and listen!" Kiryu pointed menacingly at Chris. "Chris, you have to accept that Leon doesn't want to fuck your sister and move on. And did you ever ask your sister how she felt about the things you claimed you did for her? Did you just assume she'd approve? And Jill, this goes both ways. You have to accept that even though he's your friend, Chris might just want to keep it like that. And don't get me started with you, Leon S. Kennedy. Every last one of you have to learn how to let go when it's on longer worth holding on."

"What did I do wrong?" Leon asked, confused. Behind him, Ada giggled and twiddled her fingers.

"Chris Redfield, I implore you. Stand down and turn yourself in to the authorities. Have the cure to this undead plague distributed before it's too late."

"I refuse to be cowed by empty platitudes from a soon-to-be empty man." Chris cracked his knuckles. He then got into a stance ready for combat.

(Why do I always have to end up beating sense into them?)

It was a feeling that Kiryu knew very well. Just him against the last enemy that had to be defeated, with a gaggle of onlookers here for the show. They were atop a high building, the skies around them dark. Rain poured and lightning crackled. There was just that sense that after a very long convoluted road with equal amounts of talking and fighting, things were at last coming to a close. That the end was nigh.

Kazuma Kiryu and Chris Redfield faced each other, saying nothing. Knowing that words would only delay what had to be done, that what change could be enacted at this point would be with fists.

Both felt it building within them, compelled to do it to signify this final clash. Without warning, Kiryu ripped off his coat and shirt, revealing his chiseled chest and the Dragon tattoo upon his back. Chris likewise tore off of his body armor and his shirt too, and a whole mountain of muscles expanded without the constraints of clothing to hold it back. Upon Chris Redfield's back was a tattoo of a fist descending from the heavens like Thor's Hammer to shatter a big boulder.

"REDFIELD!" Kiryu shouted.

"KIRYU!" Chris shouted.

They charged at each other, shockwaves reverberating as they collided.

"Uh…" Leon was thinking. "...why did they take off their shirts?"

"I don't know… but I sure wouldn't mind it if you took yours off as well." Claire looked at Leon quite expectantly.

"Yeah, now I'm never taking it off when you're around." Leon disgustedly backed away from Claire.

* * *

In the heat of battle, the flow of time had become strange to Kiryu. He couldn't tell if it had been five minutes or twenty that had passed since he and Redfield became entangled in a chaotic symphony of blows. Time no longer mattered in the face of pure survival. As good as he was, Redfield was just as good. Perhaps even better, since he was the one who had the experience fighting the zombies in reality.

Victory, survival, wasn't a guarantee. But when did Kiryu ever give up in the face of those kinds of odds?

Redfield threw a right hook at Kiryu, which he ducked and weaved in closer to drive an uppercut into Redfield's jaw. Redfield brought his knee up to intercept Kiryu, which prompted Kiryu to throw out his own leg to sweep Redfield. As Redfield fell, Redfield threw his hands onto the ground to break his fall and maneuvered himself into a flip that landed him back on his feet.

"That all ya got, cupcake?" Chris Redfield taunted.

"Less talk, more action." Kiryu replied in Japanese. He doubted the American would understand. But action spoke just as well as words.

Kiryu remembered that he had a few spare energy drinks on his person.

Kiryu popped open a bottle and quickly swigged it down with one hand while blocking Redfield's punches with the other. Like clockwork, as soon as the last drop had left the bottle and was traveling down to his gut, Kiryu could feel a kind of heat building within him. Right as Redfield threw another punch at Kiryu, Kiryu unleashed that heat as a mighty flurry of attacks. First he whirled around and threw his elbow into the back of Redfield's neck before he grabbed Redfield and proceeded to unleash several pro wrestling moves in quick succession. And so he repeated that process, until the rooftop was littered with empty drink bottles.

"Your fizzy fighting drinks won't last you forever!" Chris Redfield swore even as Kiryu hoisted him by the legs and swung him like a merry-go-round.

Meanwhile Claire looked at Leon again, and with a disappointed sigh saw that he was still insistent about keeping his shirt on.

"Stop looking at me like that, Claire! Hey Jill, will you make her go away?"

"Whatever. I don't care anymore. I'm just here to enjoy the show." Jill had found a lawn chair and was sitting on it, watching Kiryu and Chris fight. She was wearing shades and had an extra large slurpee in one arm and a tub of popcorn in the other.

"You better take your shirt off for my Claire Bear or I'll rip it off myself after I'm done with Kiryu!" Chris Redfield yelled over the cacophony.

"No way, Chris! I'll superglue it on myself just to stop you!"

"Ha! You think simple glue can stop the Chris Tra-aaaagh!" Chris was interrupted as Kiryu roundhoused him in the face.

While Leon was distracted by the boys, Claire was inching towards Ada. Ada noticed and looked at her suspiciously.

"What do you want, Claire?"

"Ada, you're like the only person Leon will listen to here. Will you pretty please get him to take his shirt off? It's in our mutual interest, you know."

"Su- no! What do I get from seeing Leon without his shirt? Why - why do you think I wanna see Leon S. Kennedy in all his slender glory shirtless?" Ada was turning red for some reason, suddenly defensive all of a sudden. "What's in it for me?"

Claire leaned in and whispered some dirty plans into Ada's ear. Ada flushed, clenched her fists, until Claire finished. "And I'll give you a free cookie."

Claire took a wrapped chocolate chip out of her pocket. Ada snatched it out of her hand, opened it, and began to eat it contemptuously.

"Alright, Claire, you win this round. You warped little minx." Ada sauntered over to Leon, all casual like.

Claire looked on anxiously.

"Hey, Leon."

"Yes, Ada?"

"Can you take off your shirt?"

"Sure." Leon said and then ripped his shirt off without any hesitation.

(What… the… fuck…) Claire glared at Ada, feeling a bit jealous. Claire and Ada both then cringed as they saw what was tattooed on Leon's back, Ada Wong in her red dress done in the style of that back tattoo Ben Affleck has.

As he posed for Ada, Leon felt a compulsion coming over him, a dammed feeling that had been ripped free by the loss of his shirt.

(I know I can't just sit on the sidelines and let someone else take care of my problems. It's about damn time I stood up for myself and spit on your stupid lineage.) Leon cracked his knuckles, did a few stretches to warm himself up. (Chris Redfield, I'm gonna turn you blue… uh, better not say it aloud. That one-liner blows… or "blue" heh heh.)

"Uh, Leon where are you going?" Claire asked. But Leon was already charging towards the fray.

"Beats me, but I think us girls are in for a treat." Ada predicted. "Say, Jill, got any room on that chair?"

"Get your own, you fucking Kung Pao Cocktease." Jill flipped Ada off. According to the RE Wiki, Jill has Japanese blood in her, so inevitably there's some biological enmity between her and the Chinese Ada Wong.

* * *

He had gotten careless with the brief advantage he had gained. Kiryu had been so focused upon an aggressive onslaught that he neglected his defense for a brief moment. A brief moment, but it was all the time that Chris Redfield had needed to catch Kiryu square in the chest with a powerful fist.

"Rrrrrrgh!" Kiryu braced himself as the force of the blow sent him skidding back. He dug his heels into the ground, he could hear the foundation below his shoes scraping. And then Redfield was upon him.

"I wish you were a boulder so I could hit you even more than your puny flesh will allow!" Chris Redfield grabbed Kiryu and threw him against one of his boulders. With his back to the boulder, Kiryu had little room to go as Chris charged into him and began using him as a punching bag.

(Ugh… this can't be… the end.) Kiryu thought as he struggled to break out of the trap Chris had punched him into, even as he felt his strength sap with each blow he took.

"Prepare your greetings for Yakuza Hell!" Chris taunted Kiryu as he lifted Kiryu by the neck and pulled back for one final ultimate punch. However, both of them suddenly noticed and were distracted by the sound of footsteps. Footsteps that were speeding up and getting closer.

"What th" Chris opened his mouth, only to get a boot in the face.

"That's for every insult and injury you dared deal to my Ada-chan!" Leon Kennedy said as his running jumpkick separated Chris Redfield and Kiryu. "And this is for me!"

Before Chris could recover, Leon ran into him again and suplexed him. Leon tried to put Chris in a submission hold but Chris elbowed his way out of it.

"Together!" Leon called to Kiryu, and Kiryu nodded. The pair proceeded to double-team Chris as he got back up. With a flip kick, Kiryu sent Chris flying, and Kiryu ducked as Leon proceeded to jump over him and transitioned into a flurry of bicycle kicks upon the flailing Redfield. In the form of a fist from Leon's right and Kiryu's left, speeding trains collided with Chris Redfield's jaw on two sides.

"Fuck yeah! This is better than Wrestlemania!" Claire shouted as the girls hooted and hollered at the sight of Leon and Chris shirtless and smacking each other senseless.

Chris, on the receiving end of double trouble for the past few minutes, had enough. With a shout and swing of his arms, he threw Leon and Kiryu back.

"Enough of this tomfoolery! Time for my ultimate attack!" Chris walked to the two boulders that were set up on the rooftop. He then punched with such might into one boulder that his fist penetrated the boulder. He repeated the process with the other. Chris turned to face Leon and Kiryu, now wielding two boulders like very big boxing gloves.

"I've never punched someone with a boulder before. Kiryu, you'll make a great test subject, and as for you, Leon…"

Chris stomped a hidden panel on the rooftop.

"What" Leon said as a trap door opened beneath him. He hung in mid-air for a few seconds, then he looked down, and suddenly fell.

* * *

Leon S. Kennedy landed in a white corridor. The trap doors that had dropped him into the corridor closed up. Behind Leon was a door that was locked. At the other end was a sign that said stairs, with the illustration of the stairs leading up. Presumably it would take him back to the roof and Chris. An automated voice, recorded by Chris Redfield, began to play.

"You've led me on a merry chase, Leon, but you've reached your dead end." Machinery began to whirl and hum. "My Taser Lasers will make sure that you're all nice and tame and ready for Claire to fuck."

"Lasers?" Leon yawned. He found himself wishing Chris had come up with a trap a bit more original, even as a laser covering the width of the corridor appeared at the end opposite him and raced towards him.

Leon dodged the laser, jumping over it. As soon as he landed, another laser came for him. Leon, anticipating trickery of some kind, slid underneath the laser as it rose up to intercept empty air - air where he'd been if he had jumped again. Three lasers then came at him, a top to bottom arrangement. Leon jumped the highest he could, clinging onto the rafters in the ceiling of the corridor, barely missing the top laser.

As soon as Leon landed, another laser formed. And suddenly, the laser split into a grid like a chain-link fence that covered the entirety of the corridor. There was nowhere to go to evade the laser.

But somehow, Leon dodged the entire grid.

"What the fuck! No one has ever survived that!" The computerized Redfield voice connected to the AI that was spewing out these lasers swore. "But then again, no one else is worthy of the Redfield Lineage either! You're just proving again and again why you need to fuck my sister Claire, Leon!"

Leon sighed and continued to dodge lasers on his way to the exit.

* * *

Leon got back to the rooftop in time to catch Kiryu raise and cross his arms to block Redfield's sluggish yet mighty punch.

"How have I not squashed you like the puny insect you are?" Chris demanded as he lowered his boulder-covered fist to see Kiryu standing his ground amidst the swirling dust. "Chris-smaaaaaaash!"

Chris swung his fists down like hammers at Kiryu, only for Kiryu to tiger drop him.

"Whaaaaat? What is this power?" Chris asked in a rare moment of astonishment as he picked himself up. "No matter! No one catches Chris Redfield off-guard twice!"

Chris ran at Kiryu to punch him again.

Kiryu tiger dropped him again.

"Waaaagh!" Chris went flying again.

(I've let this go on for long enough. It makes me feel dirty to rely upon this single technique to wrap things up… but you've emptied my patience, Redfield.)

And so every time Chris attacked, Kiryu tiger dropped over and over. But Chris kept getting up and down again, seemingly undeterred by the Tiger Droppening. Time seemed to slow down as Chris gathered all this strength and energy to put into one final blow against Kiryu. Kiryu raised his fist to meet the giant boulder coming towards him. At the same time, Leon ran towards Chris and pivoted into the Spinning Leon Kick towards Chris' other boulder gauntlet.

Time then seemed to speed up again as Chris' boulders were attacked simultaneously.

"Aaaaaagh!" Chris stumbled back and forth before he began vibrating in place like a guitar string as his boulders shattered.

"Give up, Chris!" Leon called out. "Pledge to leave me and my friends alone forever and I might just show you some undeserved mercy!"

"No way Leon!" Chris gritted his teeth, looked up at his foes with seething rage. He was blacked and bruised, limping like a stale baguette. "This will never be over until you fuck my sister Claire! The legacy of the Redfield Lineage compels me to stand and fight forever! It's gonna take an act of God to stop me or something, and lemme tell you - whether his name's Zeus or Jehovah or Cthulhu, my muscles could kick God's ass."

Chris flexed. It looked like this final battle would never end until suddenly and quite conveniently, the door to the rooftop burst open to reveal Shun Akiyama.

"Don't worry, Kiryu! I'm here to help! Take this, foreigners!" Akiyama slammed into Leon, sending him spiralling towards Chris.

"What the fuuuuuuuuu" Leon and Chris mutually shouted as Leon collided into Chris and they both went over the edge of the roof.

"Seriously?" All the women, who had been enjoying the spectacle, booed and hissed.

"Akiyama? What are you doing here?" Kiryu asked.

"Haruka heard all about… whatever the hell was going on here on the news." Akiyama explained. In the background, there was the thud of someone hitting the ground. "I promised that I would go help you. Looks like I got here just in time, yeah?"

Akiyama flashed Kiryu a thumbs-up.

"I appreciate the help, Akiyama. But only one of those gaijin was my enemy. The other…"

"I'm okay!" Leon said as he climbed back over the edge, dusting himself off as he got up. "That ain't the first building I've fallen off of."

"I'm okay too! And Leon, soon as I've regained traction, I'm coming for you!" Chris could be faintly heard shouting from the ground. Police sirens could be heard as well, closing in on the base of the BSAA Japan headquarters. Kiryu looked up, and saw black helicopters circling around and shining spotlights on them.

"Hey, what are you doing to me! You can't arrest me! I'm Chris Redfield! I'm like Superman if he was real! And not a sissy!" Kiryu looked over the edge and saw Inspector Date stuffing a cuffed Chris Redfield into a police car.

"Phew! Hopefully that gives me at least a few days of respite!" Leon wiped his brow. "C'mon, Ada, let's go to a love hotel to cel - hey, where did Ada go?"

"Ada left when you fell off the building, Leon." Claire shrugged. "She should've stuck around, I guess. If you want, Leon, we can go to that love hot"

"No way fag!" Leon cut Claire off. "Don't you see, Claire? If Ada left when I fell… this must mean she went looking for me! Ada went looking for me… ADA WENT LOOKING FOR ME!"

Leon ran past Claire. "Uh, Leon, I don't think you know that's for certain! Maybe she just got bored!" But her warning fell on deaf ears.

"Well, my work here is done, I guess." Akiyama nodded to Kiryu. "I better go check on my office - make sure it isn't infested with the undead!"

Kiryu was left standing on the rooftop with Jill and Claire, the women with whom this had all begun. Kiryu stared awkwardly at them, thinking of something to say that wasn't chastising them a hundred different ways for this mess.

"Well… this has been an interesting week…" Kiryu mumbled.

Jill shrugged. "It could've been a lot worse. As far as zombie apocalypses I've been in go, I'd probably put this in the mid-tier. Maybe if this had ended with Chris in my bed..."

"Oh, Leon…" Claire looked despondent and starry-eyed into the sky, holding her hands as if she was looking for a star to wish upon.

"Claire Redfield and Jill Valentine, I know something that might take your mind off your broken hearts, even if it's just fleeting." Kiryu rummaged around in his pockets, before he found what he was looking for. He dramatically then pulled out a model car, his trusty old Golem Tiger, and posed mightily with it. "Let's go play some Pocket Circuit! But first, let's get this city cured."

And that's just what they did.

* * *

The Where Are They Now Epilogue

Kiryu Kazuma returned to the orphanage at Okinawa, glad to put the Night of the Redfield Lineage behind him. He finally had that night out with Haruka. He hopes this was the last time he'll have to help out a foreigner for a long, long time.

Leon S. Kennedy didn't find Ada Wong that night, but he'll never stop looking. Claire Redfield continues to pursue his heart in the meantime, even without the "help" of her brother. Sherry Birkin shadows her two old friends, making sure neither of them get too out of hand. Strange things have been happening around the globe, and chances are, one of these three will have been in the immediate vicinity of the phenomena.

Chris Redfield was put on trial for the crime of starting a zombie apocalypse, amongst other charges. Officer Tanimura, who it turns out actually was being impersonated by an imposter during the events of the Night of the Redfield Lineage, was tasked with arresting the other perpetrators of the incident. Tanimura followed the wrong evidence and ended up arresting some American tourists - a big fat black man, a scrawny hick mechanic, a sullen gambler, and an annoying black woman - who had the misfortune of being in Kamurocho that night. Chris Redfield and these wrongly arrested tourists are currently being represented by the Genda Law Office. It's highly likely that Redfield will be acquitted and soon be free to resume his quest to make Leon to fuck his sister Claire. With a vengeance.

Goro Majima suddenly remembered that Kiryu never got him that burger he demanded that had set this whole thing in motion. He's currently on his way to Okinawa to fight Kiryu over that.

HUNK made a full recovery from being set on fire and impaled in the head by Kiryu.

Ada Wong and the mysterious agent known only as Agent who may or may not exist only in her head, have gone on adventures dismantling Chris Redfield's secret bases and labs - starting with the HIVE to ensure the demise of Project ALICE. Whatever Ada Wong truly feels about Leon S. Kennedy, is a truth that only she knows. And she won't be sharing it with anyone, especially Leon, anytime soon.

Shun Akiyama got back to work the next day at Sky Finance. Akiyama has since generously donated towards the repair of Kamurocho, as well as directly aided the survivors affected by the Night of the Redfield Lineage.

Jill Valentine had to admit that Chris did have one good idea that night, and she's going to turn it back on him. She's teamed up with Chris' other very good friends Rebecca Chambers and Sheva Alomar cause sharing is caring, and they're going to fuck Chris Redfield, one way or the other. Not for lineage, for themselves.

Helena Harper is currently in therapy.

Carlos Oliveira remains lovestruck with Jill, hoping against hope that she'll realize that Chris will never see her as anything more than his very good platonic best friend and finally call his number.

Jake Muller never caught the Pokemon he was looking for.

After meeting in a retro-themed disco and dancing it off to the vintage tune Koi No Disco Queen, a Japanese man dressed in all-black and wearing shades made acquaitance of a blonde American man dressed in all-black and wearing shades. It turned out they had more in common than just their fashion sense. The Japanese man was named Jo Amon, and the American was Albert Wesker, who somehow was back from the dead - just like the Emperor. Their separate enemies had collided that night in Kamurocho and created some entertaining spectacle that normally they'd have to start themselves, as Wesker put it. But there's only so much fun to be had sitting on the sidelines. Just imagine what they could accomplish together.


End file.
